What do you think about kids at a funeral?

MommyToAshley wrote: The funeral was today for DH's Aunt. I had tried to find a babysitter for Ashley but everyone had to work, including my Mom. I wanted to be there for my DH and his family, so we decided to take her with us. She was good, but she was not quiet. During the services, I had to take Ashley outside in the hall. There were a lot of family that were there that haven't seen Ashley so they were happy to see her. And, DH's grandma (Ashley's great-grandma) seemed happy that she was there. But, I hope no one was bothered by her noise. DH said that even though I took her outside of the room, there were some times when he could still hear her. I wonder if I should have stayed home. I hope we didn't do anything that was considered disrespectful at such a hard time. DH said he was glad we were there.

mummy2girls replied: Well i dont think it was disrespectful...At my grandmas funeral a couple years back one of my cousins brought her little boy and he yelled MOMMY to her when she was reading the ulogy(sp?). No one was upset about it. At my sons funeral my sis brought her little girl and when she made a fuss the dad just brought her out into the hall. I wasnt mad she brought her...

alice&arik replied: I took Arik to my Aunt's funeral in August I think. Man was that a mistake. He would start whining and then when I would take him out in the hall he would laugh and run around. So i would take him back in and he would start laughing HISTERICALLY(sp?) What an imbarrassment, laughing at a funeral. So I missed the whole thing pretty much. But my cousin said it was no big deal, he had never seen him before and was glad I had been there. But I don't think I would do it again.

5littleladies replied: When my grandma died 3 years ago we left the kids with a sitter but went and picked them up as soon as the funeral was over and brought them to the reception. Everyone was soo glad to see them-especially my grandpa. I think having them there lightened everyone's moods a bit. I don't think your taking Ashley was disrespectful. I'm sure everyone understood and was glad to see her.

supermom replied: You probably added some joy to an otherwise sad occasion. Especially if you had people telling you that they were glad she was there. When I had to do the same thing with Anders at my Dad's funeral, everyone was glad that he came and glad to see him. I am sure that no one was upset and that they certainly didn't consider it disrespectful.

I always like to think that a funeral is a celebration of life as well as a memorial to the person who has passed, and there isn't anything wrong with including little ones in that "celebration".

Please tell TLC Dad that we all give him a great big !

A&A'smommy replied: i dont think that was disrespectful its good that she got to see her family that hasnt seen her!!!

jcc64 replied: ITA with Supermom. It is a celebration of life, and although people are grieving, a child is always a welcome respite from the pain. I took Corey to a wake when she was 6 months old, and everyone was happy to focus on her temporarily. When and if the need for solemnity and proper decorum arises, you can always take her outside, as others have mentioned.

ediep replied: I agree with supermom too, I took Jason to my grandma's wake in May. My aunts, uncles, cousins, and even my parents and sisters were so happy to see him. Everyone wanted to take turns hugging him to make them feel better in such a sad time. I didn't bring him to the funeral mass or the cemetary, I left him with my MIL. She wanted to come with us but I told her that it would be more of a help if she just stayed with Jason instead.

juliajaj replied: I agree. I don't think it was disrepectful at all. In a way, by bringing Ashley, you showed the wonderful, full circle of life. When my dad died, my sister brought her 2 1/2 year old little girl, Chelsea, to the wake. Chelsea said the most wonderful thing at the end of the service. She told us we didn't need to be sad because Grandpa was with Jesus. I'm sure people didn't mind a little quiet noise from a child of God.

kimberley replied: add me to the agreement. it is not disrespectful at all. i know in my family the only reason little ones don't usually attend the service and burial is because it is somewhat morbid and can be difficult to understand why grandma (or whoever) is so upset. but we always have all the family together for the reception and the mood lightens with all the kids.

hugs to you and TLC Dad

jen replied: I agree I don't think it was disrespectful at all. I know at my wedding my DH's cousin's son was screaming his head off and they did nothing but ignore him...........THAT was different! He was also running down the isle screaming his 3 year old head off! when we were being announced husband and wife, i have it on video and I steam mad to this day when I see that video as to why she didn't politely remove him from the inside of the church! He got more attention than we did at one point!

I think there is a way to do everything and that it is perfectly acceptable to take a child anywhere with the proper etiquette of attempting to keep them quiet and taking them outside when they get too noisy. I will say that little boy was so obnoxious (sp?) because they don't ever take him anywhere and when they do, he is in shock of being asked to be quiet or have manners! Just my point of view. It sounds as if your daughter is very well mannered and the fact that you DO take her places in my opinion will help not to shelter her from appropriate behavior in social situations! I plan on taking my baby girl everywhere and just being courteous to others as I would want them to be to me!

jem0622 replied: I took Nathan (6 mos at the time) to my Grandmother's funeral. He lit up the room.

I don't think that it is disrespectful, especially since it was a close relative. I try to go to viewings these days if I need or want to go and go to the funeral during work hours and the boys are not with me. I don't think Nathan (3.5) would do well with it at this age.

Julie

aspenblue1 replied: I don't think it is disrespectful. My family has always brought their children to the funeral.

MommyToAshley replied: Thanks everyone, I feel a little better about it all now.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Glad yo ufeel better.... I have to add my 2 cents though.... I htink that bringing kids anywhere is fine... but the kids have to behave appripriately. I know it's hard for a 1 year old to stay quiet, and I would never expect that to happen.... But I DO expect the PARENTS to have a little more politeness, and to remove the child from his/her surroundings temporarily while the child calms down.

At Zach's baptism, DH's brother and his gf were the godparents...and they have 2 kids, who at the time were 3 and 2. They were sitting with DH's parents, who were supposed to be watching them. Well...throughout the ENTIRE ceremony, the kids were running around the church, going up to the altar, playing behind the alter, and YELLING. Through the WHOLE THING. I was FURIOUS, because all the pictures I have of his baptism have those brats in the background. If DH"s parents were supposed to be watching them and keeping them quiet, they certainly didn't fdop a very good job.

I thought it was hilaroius (under my breath of COURSE) when at the reception afterwards, my father made a comment something like :

"Whose kids were those? They were all over the place! The parents should have had more tact than to let them run around like that.... it ruined the whole thing!!!"

And DH"s mom walked away REALLY fast.... heh heh

I don't mind kids at events like funerals and weddings and such.... but plase, to the parents, try to keep your child behaved. If you KNOW your child is an absolute TERROR, and can't sit still for more than 5 minutes, then maybe it's best to find a sitter, unless you're willing to take the child outside or leave...because all the other people will remember of yo uand your child is how badly behaved he/she was..... I can bring Zach pretty much anywhere, but I alwyas have a backup plan, just in case things don't go as smoothly as I expected.... why should I ruin someone's event?