What do you think about this?

Bee_Kay wrote: OK, I've told you all the problems I am having with my 17 yr old daughter that's pregnant.
After a couple weeks of not hearing from her, I decide to try and give her a call to ask her to go out to breakfast. No answer, so I leave a message.

Then, I sit down and write her an email asking why she is choosing to have no contact with us and telling her that I loved and missed her. I send it and call her back and leave a message letting her know that I sent her an email.

So I turn on my MSN messenger (appear offline) to see if my brother, that is in college, is online. While doing that, her BF MSN name comes online.

My first thought was.... Interesting timing.

So, I wait a minute and, out of curiousity, I checked her email to see if he might have read it..... (I set up the account a long time ago for her and found out today, she never changed the password). Low and behold, it was read.... and deleted.

Now, I've sent her other emails and I noticed today that SHE puts them into a folder called FAMILY.... the email I sent today was in the TRASH folder.

I am so P.O'd right now!!!

I don't know for CERTAIN it was him.... but it's pretty coincidental don't you think?

I guess I am just ranting and venting. Thanks for reading.

Kaitlin'smom replied: its very possible it was him since you called to tell her about the e-mail. How about re-sending it and say I got a report back that t did not go thought the first time, but dont call her and see if anythign comes of that one?

luvmykids replied: Just one more sign that he's controlling, IMO. Too strange a coincidence. BTW-when you call and leave msgs, is it on her own phone? or is it his and you just hope he passes them on to her? When is the last time you actually talked to her? I think I'd tell her he's reading her emails and deleting them and not giving her her messages, maybe that may help her see what a jerk he is? I don't know, I don't have teens yet so I could be totally wrong.

Bee_Kay replied: I leave messages on both the home phone and his cellphone.

The last time I talked to her was the evening they came over for dinner.... a couple weeks ago.

I was reading this morning on the internet about signs of a controlling boyfriend.... OMG... the number one first sign is "alienation from her family".

Bee_Kay replied: I just went ahead and re-sent the exact same email.

C&K*s Mommie replied: alienation may be the first sign on controlling patterns, that also may lead into abuse of other forms.

Tylersmommy replied: It was so him

CAMSMOM1 replied: Yes, he is controlling her. I have known to many friends that have had boyfriends/husbands like this. Like you said, the first step to controlling your daughter's life, is having her all to himself, by getting rid of her family & friends. He is thinking that if she doesn't get the emails from you, and you don't hear back, that you'll be so upset that you won't bother anymore. Well, he's wrong. I know you love your daughther. And if I were you, I would go to her house, when you think she'll be home. I would tell her that you would like to take her shopping for the baby. (Act like it's not a huge problem in front of her boyfriend. And she would probably take you up on the offer.) While you are shopping, let her know about the emails, and tell her that you know they are being deleted. IF she says she didn't do it, well then you both know who did.

The best thing you can do is offer her support. Let her know that if she ever needs you, or even needs to move back in with you, the door is open. She may think since she's pregnant, she's stuck with her boyfriend, and doesn't have another option. Just throw that option out there, so she knows she has something to fall back on.

Most likely, he's already has her convinced that she has to stay with him, he's been manipulating her, ect. Don't attack her boyfriend, this will only be what HE wants. Try to stay neutral for awhile. I'm sure once the baby arrives, his attitude will worsen, and hopefully she'll see what his true colors are, and leave. And she'll know that you're there for her in case she does.

Ann

Bee_Kay replied: Ann -

We have done exactly what you just said. She knows she is welcome here whenever she wants. We made that perfectly clear to her. In fact, when we sat her down and told her this, she started crying and told us that she wanted to move back..... until she talked to her BF that evening.

She sent me an email telling me that she told him that she wanted to move home and that he started crying telling her that if she did he would drink more, do more drugs again, miss school and lost all ambition to do anything in life. So, she said "He needs me!". And she made her choice to stay there.

Another thing that gets on my nerves is that with him being like this..... he certainly doesn't mind that we are paying for the pregnancy that they created. I know that money isn't the issue here, I really do.... it's just irritating that he hasn't contributed one cent to her and the baby's prenatal care.

fashionmumofboys replied: I truely think it might have been her BF deleting those emails especially that they went to trash.

Sorry, you are going through this. I hope she will soon see what her BF is doing to her.

I truely hope things get better for everyone.

Lots of

C&K*s Mommie replied: Sad thing is, I could see myself in her shoes. Being tugged in both directions with loving parents on one end, and what you believe to be a loving relationship on the other. Less and less I would blame her, yes she is choosing to stay with him, but he has that hold on her and he knows it. This is 'the love of her life' in her eyes, he really would do the things he has said he would stop doing if she ever left him. With age, I have learned that all that is frivolous- if you lose all ambition in your life because one door is closed (for good reason) then that person (the manipulative one) really needs to move on, and get create a new life minus anyone who is easily controlled in it. Move on, to see that there is sooo much more to life than this one relationship.

IDK, Barb. But the more I am trying to read into this with her, the more I see immaturity and inexperience. And mistakes that some of us have made (staying in an unhealthy relationship for the wrong reasons), and being afraid to move on without that person. For me, because everything fell into place when it did, I was able to move past the relationship that was really poison for me. All in all, it was bad for me and I knew it. But I could not bring myself to keep from going back. I know that GOD had Chris waiting for me later on down the road, so that was another reason why our relationship crumbled when it did.

Sorry, rambling on my part, but I am trying to put a finger on what I see in this with her, and it is very difficult to do.

moped replied: Oh Oh, sounds pretty fishy to me!

mckayleesmom replied:

MyLuvBugs replied: So, if you know her email password, why don't you take the email out of the trash and put it in the family folder? And then next time, don't call and tell them you've sent her a message via email, just go in and put them in family. She'll hopefully read them then.

Also, have you tried stopping by the house to speak with her? Or calling every hour for like a week straight? I would totally do that, but that's just me. I would totally call every hour on the hour 9-9 everyday for a week, until she called back. lol But that's just me.

Bee_Kay replied:
I imagine she wouldn't be happy that I had been into her email account..... I was assuming that she did change her password.... I was wrong.

As far as calling repeatedly? Yes, BTDT. I've called so many times over and over and over and they just go unanswered.
I don't know. I imagine that if she wanted to talk to me, she is capable of picking up the phone.

As far as stopping in there? Yep, done that too. She behaves just fine to my face. I can never see her alone though. Her BF is ALWAYS there. If she is in school, he is in school. If she is home, he is home.

Bee_Kay replied: OK. I just called again.... again no answer.

But, this time I left the message at the home phone. So, we'll see what happens. OMG I get so sick of this.
Why do I set myself up to just get hurt over and over again? I get so mad at myself because I've been told to just let her go. OMG, that is so hard though. I am sad and mad at the same time! and I am frustrated because I tell myself, to heck with her.... but then I worry and worry and I try to call her over and over to see how she is doing.
How do you let your child (a pregnant one) go??

My3LilMonkeys replied: Well I sympathize with your situation completely I just have to say that I don't think reading her email was a good idea. If she finds out it will only push her farther away from you - and directly to her BF.

just my

Edward's Mommy replied: I bet anytime you leave a message, he deletes it and then tells her that you never call her. Judging by what you've said about you daughter, I don't see her separating herself from you. I think he deletes whatever messages you leave for her and then tells her that you never call her and that you don't care about her. I would try going over there and "surprising" her by taking her out to lunch or something....maybe go baby shopping together and get ideas for a baby shower! And gifts. Maybe if you show up, she'll know that you do still care. It seems to me that anytime you send e-mails or leave messages, she never gets them and the only common factor in all of it is him!!!

MamaJAM replied:

Bee_Kay replied: Thanks for the replies!
My internet connection was messed up and I just fixed it.

About reading her emails..... I didn't read any of them (the only ones that were there were from me). So, nothing to read anyways Besides, I wouldn't read any other emails even if they were there.

You all have really good points.... and I do agree that he is controlling her to a point.
I have gone over there and I have taken her out to lunch..... ect.

She acts just fine when we are together. But, as soon as I drop her off... *poof* .. nothing! She doesn't call, doesn't answer the phone, ect.

It's weird!!

Lexismama replied: I would definatly be talking to her about recieving your emails. I dont really have any advice on getting ahold of her other then trying to call over and over again and maybe going over to see her face to face. But once you do get ahold of her I would definatly be asking her if she has been getting your emails and messages!!