What do you wish you would have known? - about having a baby

azlady28 wrote: Hi there,

I'm new to the board and husband and I are going to start on this journey of trying to conceive.

I wanted to hear honest answers about what you think the best thing about having an addition to your family and perhaps the least favorite thing that happens when you have a baby.

Basically, what do you wish you would have known.....

My3LilMonkeys replied: I wish I would have known what DH would and wouldn't be willing or able to help with.

We went into it thinking everything would be 50/50 but after Brooke was born he wouldn't change her clothes for 2 weeks because he was sooo afraid he would break her. Also, he is a sound sleeper and wouldn't wake up when she cried so it was easier to just get up and feed her myself then to try to wake him up. So we had to do a little renegotiating of duties.

Good Luck!

PrairieMom replied: I wish I would have known that labor REALLY isn't that bad.
Also, I wish I would have known that there would be a chance I would loose rectal tone.
( tore through the muscle when delivering The Boy.) lets just say that things will never be the same down there!

Nina123 replied: I wish I wouldve known the first 2 months were exhausting and difficult but once I established a routine it was so much easier and such a great experience

ediep replied: I wish I would have known that my wants and needs got put on hold at least for the first few months.

I also wish that I would have talked to my mom, sisters, friends, about the baby blues that I was feeling instead of snapping at my DH.

MomToJade&Jordan replied: I wish I had known a bit more about the sleep deprivation. My first daughter had colic, there was just no sleeping for me. I was a little more prepared for it this time though. Yeah I'm losing sleep, but I'm handling it better this time.

As for a positve thing. Nothing can top the first time you look into your child's eyes or that first smile. One of my favorite memories of my first is her big blue eyes staring up at me when they handed her to me after she was born. Children will change you, but they are worth every moment.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I'd have liked to know that soon after having had the baby... I wanted another one right away!!

Seriously - baby fever gets crazy!!

A&A'smommy replied: I would have liked to have known more about breastfeeding, c-cections and inductions...

ammommy replied: I wished that I had known that while breastfeeding was natural, it wasn't necessarily easy. I also wished that I had known that DH was going to be such a natural at being a great father. It would have taken some of the anxiety away.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I wish I would have actually started having babies earlier. I'm fortunate for the things I've done without having a child, but I wonder now why did I wait so long? Because children make your life so much more meaningful! And they help make the small things that you once thought were such a big deal, total blow-offs! I just don't have time for BS or phony friends or stupid insecurities anymore, which is a good thing!!

I wish I had known that there really is more support out there for nursing mommies. I do think I would have BF Wil longer if only I had found the right support.

I also wish I had known that I was suffering from PPD instead of taking it out on my DH all the time. Poor guy!

And I wish I had known how wonderful it is to see your child reach milestones and then clap with how proud he is!! Again, I would have started sooner if only I knew how great that feeling was!!

moped replied: Lack of sleep - I had no idea it would be like that - LOLOL

The best is JACK - ALL OF HIM

my2monkeyboys replied: sleep deprivation

how hard breast feeding can be (but how much help there is out there; I will stick it out longer if I have another one)

how absolutely great it is to be a mother (yes, people said it, but it's kind of like when they say "your life is going to change so much"... you never understand it until you experience it for yourself)


oh yeah, and how every thing you criticized parents about before you had your child all of sudden becomes not so hard to believe "they did that".

ilovemybaby replied: 1. Labour (for me anyway) really isn't that bad. All labours are different though. I just think I wasted a heap of time worrying about it...

2. Pelvic floor exercises really ARE important. Make sure you do them.

3. Breast feeding doesn't always come naturally and it DOES hurt in the beginning. It DOES get better though.

4. Men don't normally do much to help... I thought that would be the case but sometimes it really makes me resentful when I have to ALWAYS be the one to get up to Abby and feed her and change her and bath her etc... I do get some help sometimes but normally have to be either sick or really really tired or upset first. MEN!

5. Family (especially the inlaws) will try to give you their advice all the time or they will do things their way when you are at their house. This is really really irritating. And you need to basically tell them in the beginning that the baby is yours and they have to do things your way or no way at all. Don't be afraid to say no to them.

There is more but I can't think of anything else at the moment...

kimberley replied: i had no idea how great a love i could have for one tiny person from conception. completely selfless and unconditional. enjoy every moment of your pg because it doesn't last long.

worst part... lack of sleep and trying to function. if someone ever offers help.. do not be too proud to take it.

MyLuvBugs replied: Hmmmm.... I wish people wouldn't have lied to me about breast feeding. I'm sorry it does hurt! No matter what anyone says.

I also wish that I'd had a dula there b/c my DH and I didn't remember anything to try and calm me down, and that sent me into an asthma attack. Then everything went down hill from there. Nothing went according to planned, but Lorelei is still that way. She beats to her own drum and I wouldn't have it any other way.

The best thing about having a baby....hearing her laugh for the first time. I'm getting teary-eyed just thinking about it. That was the best moment. Followed very closely by hearing her heart beat on the ultra-sound for the first time.

MyLuvBugs replied:
OH HECK YEAH!!! The hormones. Why didn't anyone ever tell me about the hormones!!

booey2 replied: I wish I would have really known how much/little help DH was gonna be when they are little.

azlady28 replied: Love these responses! Thank you for your honesty!

1girl1boy replied: My mom kept telling me that labor isn't that bad. You just have to relax and concentrate on that little one...but I went into it thinking it would be the worst pain in the world and that I was probably going to die from all the pain! LOL
I was 21 when I had my daughter I went all natural labor...and guess what the next day I was ready for #2! But we waited until my daughter was 9 months when I got pg again! And I went all natural with him! The thing I wish I would have known was that right after you have a baby...you keep this horrible looking kangaroo pouch for awhile! I'm 5'5" and 110lbs before baby....I was so scared! I cried when the nurses took me in the bathroom after she was born to clean me up I broke down in tears and I was freaked out by my body! I wish someone would have warned me!

moped replied:
Well the body does go thru some crazy changes, but when you are 34 like me it never really goes away like it will and does with younger people..........IMO. Jack is far more important than my body at this point!

1girl1boy replied: I do agree with you about your body and I'm happy with how mine is...my kids are way more important. I just had no idea that I would look like a mother kanga...pouch and all!

My2Beauties replied: I wish I would have known more about BF'ing, I wish I could have BF Hanna a lot longer than I did.

I also wish that I knew actually how much sleep I would lose, people told me but I had no clue

I wish I would have known that yeah you have a motherly instinct, but it's ok to make mistakes and that everyone does and that motherly instinct isn't always there when you need it

I wish I would have known that I had such a bad gag reflex when it comes to smelly baby poop

I wish I would have known more about the drugs that were given to me at the hospital, I requested an epi which was fine but prior to my epi they gave me Stadol (sp?) and had I known what it did to me and the baby I would have never accepted it, it stopped my labor and Hanna's heartbeat got really low, it is a very strong narcotic!

I wish I would have known that men are such sound sleepers and so hard to wake up when a baby is crying

Having children are worth every single sacrifice because life just means more once they enter your world and it is honestly the best thing that has ever ever happened to me!

PhiMuMommy replied: i wish i would have known that i wouldn't eat a warm meal... ever again...

CAMSMOM1 replied: I wish I would've asked for help more. The first 24 hours was hell after having a baby. I thought I was suppossed to handle it all on my own. I'm a grouch after not sleeping anyways, and having a baby on top of that...I was evil.
I wish I would've learned in the beginning to sleep when the baby sleeps.
Don't worry about having a messy house or cooking the first 2 months!
I wish I would've known more about breast infections from breastfeeding, I had 5 of them and I had to learn to pump during the night, there is such a thing of having "to much milk".
I wish I would've known how PAINFUL PITOCIN is when you're induced, and I wish I would've aksed for pain medication sooner! I tried to go natural, but not after that pitocin!
I wish I would've gotten my DH more involved when the baby was born. Once again I was trying to do everything. Because I didn't get him involved, it's taken him a year to finally change a diaper and give him a bath. Now he has more confidence and is more willing to help. Most men are useless when they're newborns.
I wish I would've started pumping early to save/freeze the milk. It's a lifesaver when you're going out, or starting work again.
And I wish I would've been thinner before I got pregnant, so I wouldn't have to lose so much weight right now. And I have the worst "kangaroo" pouch...and yes, KEAGEL exercise are a must if you have a vaginal delivery. When I cough now I pee...sorry TMI !
I wish I would've taken more time to spend alone with my DH before the baby came, afterwards your world is revolving around the baby, which is good for you as Mom but not so good for your love life.
On the plus side,having a baby changes your whole out look on life. You have a new pride and joy, and nothing can compare to the feeling when I was breastfeeding him and seeing his tiny hands, and all the "firsts" they do.
Take a lot of pictures, have a video camera handy, and keep up on your baby book because you soon forget. I also kept a journal and wrote down everything, from when I first found out I was pg, and I still write in it for my son. I'm sure one day he'll appreciate reading it and learning all about his childhood. And I'm sure it'll hellp me during my next prg. I'm glad I took 6 months off work to spend with him. We really bonded and have a cloes relationship, and I feel that gave us a good start together. I also stocked up on diapers/wipes when I pg, so I didn't have to buy them for 4 months. I bought different sizes, and I didnt have to run to the store with a newborn. Anyone who came to visit my son, especially when he was a NB, I would ask them to wash their hands, and if they were sick, I would ask them to come over once they got better. You don't want a sick newborn.
Today my son was dancing, and I just looked at his little face and how precious he is. Now matter how difficult my labor was, how many breast infections I got, or how crazy I was from sleep depravation, IT IS ALL WORTH IT! There is no other love like that love a mother has for her child.
Ann (sorry for the long post.... )

CAMSMOM1 replied: I wanted to add one more thing, , I'm so glad I bought the book , What to Expect When You're Expecting. It's even good to read when you are trying to conceive. My pg friend suggested it to me, and I was hooked! I read it all the time. Basically it answers every question you have. It gives you weekly and monthly info on what your baby looks like, how your baby is growing, what to look out for, what your body is going through, ect...
It also gives you advice on how to conceive, and how to get your DH involved. I don't know what I would've done without that book during my pg!

Ann

CosmetologyMommy replied: THAT MY BODY WOULD TAKE A LOT OF WORK TO LOOK HOW IT USED TO PRE-BABY...................

azlady28 replied: Well, ladies. It has happened. I'm pregnant! Thanks for all the advice!

my2monkeyboys replied: Way to go! Congratulations!!! Your life will never be the same... thank God!

luvmykids replied: [COLOR=red]Congratulations!!!!!!

What I wish I'd known:

Labor (in my cases) was not as bad as I thought. It was hard and painful, but totally doable and completely worth it.

How much hormones affect you during pg/after delivery.

How to enjoy being pg. I didn't like it at the time but looking back it wasn't bad at all and I wish I'd appreciated it, since we aren't having any more.

Everyone said to enjoy and savor every moment of being pg and babyhood, but at the time I didn't get it. Now they're 4 and 2 and oh if only they could be babies again ....I feel like I missed out b/c I was trying to be supermom.

And nobody told me about hemorrhoids and breast feeding either! Or that I'd pee my pants for 3 months after!

But every single bit has been so worth it, it's true that once you hold your baby you forget about everything else that just happened. And I don't know what in the world ever felt like it gave my life importance before kids; such an incredible gift!

My3LilMonkeys replied: Congrats on your PG! I hope we'll see you around here more now!

pinniy replied: CONGRATS!!!

I WISH I would've know that, when your pregnant, it's pretty much an open door for anyone and everyone to share their, or someone they know's, experiences. It's all fine and dandy, but I believe, a little, in mind over matter. So, I really don't want to hear about the "horror" stories.

Also, I thought this has faded out; complete strangers TOUCH your belly, and ask questions. "HEY, I'm pregnant, aaaand MOODY!"

jcc64 replied: I wish I knew that the crazy crazy early days post baby were only temporary- the lack of sleep, the lack of a schedule, the inability to eat or take a shower when you want to, the sheer relentlessness of it. I clearly remember thinking, "What in God's name did I get myself into?! I want my old life back again." I wish I knew that feeling of being completely overwhelmed would fade away as we all adjusted to life as a family instead of a couple.

The best part- oh man, the best part is so hard to articulate. It's the reason I was put on this earth. Nothing else will ever be as important, ever.

pinniy replied:
So, so, sooooo VERY true! Couldn't have put it any better.

azlady28 replied: Well, as quickly as it happened ~ it ended. Started bleeding today heavily. Try again later...

Buckles&Chains replied: I'm so sorry.