What would you do?

A&A'smommy wrote: If you found TONS of pictures of your dh/SO's ex? There is this table that has TONS of pictures inside of it and EVERYNIGHT Alyssa's pulls out a few pictures and I put them back well they struck my interest (they were pictures of Jake and Savannah and they are just SO cute!) so I wanted to look at them well I pulled them out and GRRRR there she was TONS of JUST her pictures like modeling in dresses and I KNOW Jeremiah took them (they were like 14 & 15 at the time) I know this is weird but I HATE her! She is the BIGGEST b**** she got married the week after we did when we KNOW she was cheating on that guy we saw her with someone else! Anyway grrrrrrr I want to rip them up! When dh and I were dating his mom had a few pictures out and one of them was of him and her WELLL I had a fit about it so he cute her out so his mom could have the picture of just him, needless to say I found that one too Am I being silly? how would it make ya'll feel? what would you do about it? Should I say something to Jeremiah I mean why would his mom (or Jeremiah) want pictures of JUST his ex?

MomToMany replied: Well, I know DH has pics of his X around here, and I know I've got some of mine that I haven't burned yet. If they have them displayed, then there's something really wrong. If I found one of DH's X in his wallet or something, then I'd be through the roof with anger.

Maybe he just hasn't got around to throwing them away yet? I know I will with mine if I ever got around to it.

coasterqueen replied: I don't know..I guess it doesn't really bother me. My family (grandparents and parents) have pics of me and my ex's hung up around the house. My IL's don't have any up but if they did it wouldn't bother me. I even have pics in photo albums of me and my ex at home.

Maybe it's because DH and I are very comfortable with each other that it doesn't bother us.

If it bothers you..say something to him.

A&A'smommy replied: Why does this bother me so bad..... ugh I'm going to say something to him tonight....

Kaitlin'smom replied: I agree if it bothers you say something. I have a few but they are not out, just in a box with tons of other pics, along with a couple of DH's x-fience. It does not bother either of us. It would if he had one in his wallet or on his desk, and vice versa. Maybe you can put them in a box and tuck them further away......or as suggested maybe he just has not gotten around to cleaning that stuff out yet.

DansMom replied: I'm definitely the jealous type. I don't like any photos of DH's exes to even exist LOL! But I can't talk, because I spent 12 years with someone before DH and I'd have to throw away a good portion of my recorded life (graduation pics, weddings we attended as a couple, birthdays, etc.), and in a way, that prior relationship is part of who I am now. I would not display them, but I don't want to destroy them either.

Now the jealousy---when we were in our first year together, I almost drove DH insane with my jealousy over his prior girlfriend (she was a French au pair who had taken drum lessons from him, and was ten years younger than me---she was exotic, spoke another language, and was a very sweet person as he described her---I think that made me feel worse, not better!). I really obsessed about what she was like and whether he just "settled" for me because she had to go back to France. It drove me nuts the one time she came back to the States for a few days and he picked her up at the airport (Grrrr...). If I had found photos of her in any other place than a box in the basement, in those days I would have been seething! But I'm fine with it now---it took about four years of being together for me to really trust that we chose each other for the right reasons. Once you build that, the jealousy fades. You guys are still in your first years together---things will settle down on the jealousy front after a while. (You might suggest he put the photos of his ex in a shoebox in storage so that you don't have to look at them.)

My2Beauties replied: I have pictures of my ex laying around the house from prom and stuff, they're way back in the dark pits of my closet! I know DF has some of his ex when they were like 13 and 15 in his drawer and it's always been there since before I came along, he just never moved it. It doesn't bother me because I get along with her, it's Desiree's mom and it's when they were young. I mean if it were his ex that I can't stand (another girl) I would have a fitr over it, so I would speak up if it bothers you!

mama3x replied: I've got old pics of me and my exs...prom, etc. I still have my 1st wedding album somewhere. The main reason I didn't burn it is because I kept it for DS to see if he's ever interested. Plus there are pics in there of DS at 7 months, of old friends and of relatives that passed away.

However I did find some pics a couple years ago of bikini contest contestants that flipped me out (DH took them). And I know DH has pics of some girls he was interested in and an ex but...well what can I say. He did dump the bikini pics but has the negs.

If it bothers you, say something. Or at least put those pics that bother you way in the back of the closet so you don't need to deal with them. There's nothing wrong with the way you feel.

jolene555 replied: i think i a a hipocrit. i have tons of stuff from ex's - letters, pictures, rose petals, movie stubs. but i hate that barry has anything of his ex's. i got over it.

it's like that country song "back of the bottom drawer". good tune.

3xsthefun replied: Well I for one didn't like it when we first got married. When I found pictures of Rob's ex- girfriend I ended up burning her pictures. That was like 4 years ago. We did end up talking about it afterwards. I still don't like to think she was in his life. I just get paranoid sometimes she will come back and start trouble. That is just the type of woman she is. Thankfully she has caused my trouble since we've been married she has called here a couple of times.

I am starting to deal with it though. To tell you the truth if they didn't have so many problems. I don't think I would had ever met Rob. He would still be in Maryland right now.

But anyways I think you should really talk to him.

Sunflower04 replied: I can understand that you are upset and you have every right. But I wouldn't look to far into. I mean if he had the pictures out in a place that Alyssa can get them, I would take it that he is not hiding anything and he might not know they were there. If you found them hidden then that would send flags up. I am not the jealous type or maybe it is because I have been with my DH for 8 yrs, if I found pics I wouldn't care. Hope this helps.

TANNER'S MOM replied: Ok I have alot to say on this subject. My husband and I were both married before and we have children from each marriages and one together. First of all My parents took down all pics involving the ex when my husband and I became serious. They didn't throw them away, they put them in a chest with the saying that if the kids ever wanted to see them they could, I took my pics of us to the same chest and deposited them, wedding album and all. It seemed a real respectfuk way to handle it.

His mother did not take them down until he asked her too. But he asked her with out me every saying anything. He said mom those just bring up bad memories, I don't want to be reminded of that life, and he helped her take them down. I never said a word, I just cringed everytime I was there. And I will admit that me and MIL started getting along better when I stopped having to look at those pics.

As far as Randy's old prom pics and stuff, those don't bother me b.c I know they are just kids stuff. And I like to look at him when he was so young. His mom doesn't have them on the wall or anything. But they are with some family photo's no big deal.

But one thing that has been hard is for our son now to see the pics of his daddy with someone else beside his mommy. It made him feel very insecure. If he doesn't live with Tiffany's mom any more than will daddy still live with him.
So for us the less he see's of that the more secure he is. After seven years the fights over the ex's are getting a easier, and sooner or later the ex will be irrelevant. The kids are all that matter to us.

One thing that is really surprising to me and makes me feel good, is that my ex mom in law never removed me from her family tree we had made for her. She said I was still her grandchildren parents, she just moved it to her room? I know that is a double standard, but it works hee hee

kimberley replied: hmm i guess it depends. if he still had it displayed or in his wallet, i would be furious. but honestly, i am actually curious about what they look like lol. most of his exes are from high school and that is just such a long time ago that it doesn't bother me *that* much. what we have now is sooooooo much more than he ever had with them and if i am going to be in a marriage with the man, i HAVE TO trust him even though insecurities can run wild sometimes. it isn't love if you don't have trust, kwim?

Maddie&EthansMom replied: What would I do? This is what I did do....

DH and I were engaged to be married and I had moved into his place (long story) and when I was making room for my things I happened upon some love letters and photos. I confronted him (shaking and FURIOUS) and asked him if he was ready to get rid of the poems, letters, and photos of these girls (one in particular drove me MAD and I was insanely jealous at the time). We sat down together and went thru them and trashed them all. He joked about it and made light of the situation (which made it so much easier on me). 7 years later I'm not so jealous and really could care less. I really don't have as much time to worry about it, either. I was really young when we got married (20) and I was so afraid of losing him. Like I said, 7 years and 2 kids later, I just don't worry about those things and I know he wants to be with me and wants nothing to do with those other girls (obviously he wouldn't have married me in the first place). I think in time you will feel the same and it does take time. Hang in there. Talk to him about it and BE HONEST! It is better than steaming inside and worrying about it. He doesn't know what is wrong until you tell him. Good luck!

Oh, on another note....DH was cleaning out the attic last winter after Christmas and happened upon a box. It was MY box from MY high school sweetheart!! If I knew in my heart of hearts that my DH would be bothered by such a thing I would get rid of it. I'm just not ready....I don't know why, I'm just not. So, it is still up there. He teased me about it and I told him that I would throw it away if he wanted me to, but he said he didn't care. I've never heard another word about it.

5littleladies replied: I agree with Aimee. When Jas an dI got married I was insanely jealous of his ex and I cried many times over her. I was 19 when we got married and he hadn't been with her for at least 4 years. It is just something I got over with time. Go ahead and talk to him about it and let him know how you feel. He probably doesn't even think about it anymore and will be more than willing to do something about.

A&A'smommy replied: Well I thought about it for the rest of the day and and by the time the day was over I realized that I HAVE HIM not her and so why should that bother me, so instead of doing anything with them I took them to him that night and asked him what he wanted me to do with him and it turns out that he doesn't want them, so I'm going to pick them (i was gone all day and forgot about them this morning) and throw them away! Thanks ya'll I don't mean to be jealous sometimes I can't help it but I usually try to calm myself before I say anything.

Josie83 replied: I don't really know what to suggest because jason and I have been going out with each other since we were thirteen and so don't have any exes. But it sounds like you've had some good advice. I think if you are a jealous person then it will obviously get you upset, if it is making you so upset then I would talk to Jeremiah about it. he probably doesn't even realise you're so unhappy about it all, after all, he's a man. Let us know how it goes, I hope you feel happier soon xx