Who was right - Parenting question

PrairieMom wrote: The other day DH, The Boy and I were sitting in the waiting are at the pharmacy waiting to get some meds. A little old lady walked up to Ben and asked him if she could hold him. Mean while she starts to try to pick him up. I immedieately jump up and take his hand and try pulling him twards me. I tell her, no thats okay, we are going to walk a while. Now she is saying, really, its okay, I can hold him. Can I hold him? I said No really we are just going to walk a while, and then we walked away.
Now I get a dirty look from DH who tells me I was rude that that It wouldn't have killed me to let the nice old lady hold Ben for a while.

Okay. here is my thought, How can I teach him stranger danger with out being consistant? isn't that like telling Ben that any old person that says "come here little boy and sit on my lap" is okay?

So was I rude or is my DH an idiot?

ediep replied: I would have done the same thing you did! You did the right thing IMO

gr33n3y3z replied: I wouldnt call him an idiot but you are right

I would never think of asking a stranger to hold their child

I mean I have been asked to watch them in a stroller while the mother was in a public bathroom which was shocking enough but to hold them no way

PrairieMom replied:
Really?! Isn't that kinda like ASKING someone to take your kid? how scary.

I didn't know if I was overreacting because of pregnancy hormones, but good grief! There was NO WAY i was letting that lady hold my Boy. I didn't care how rude I was going to have to be!

gr33n3y3z replied:
Yes thats what I was thinking
But oh well not everyone is like us in that major protective way I guess
thats why I found it so shocking
I told Ed about it when I left he was shocked but wasnt at the same time
I know I would never do it

mammag replied: I think you were right to not let her hold him if you weren't comfortable. I probably would have just come up with some excuse..."he is shy of strangers, he's contagious " or just have told here that you are trying to teach him not to go to strangers and need to be consistant with that.

I think it is odd.....and I would never ask someone to hold their child. I think that older women don't see that because they were raised in a different time.

My3LilMonkeys replied: I definately agree with you on this one - I let people talk to my kids in the grocery store or whatever, but hold them - no way. I would probably have said he's shy or something.

boyohboyohboy replied: I think you did absolutely the right thing! I am overly paranoid when little old ladies reach out and touch my baby! I hate to think of some of the germs that are passed around, and if you were at the pharmacy, isnt it likely she could have been sick...
educate DH!

Our Lil' Family replied: Nope, you were right! Just Wednesday I kinda freaked out cause a lady patted Thomas' head in a Dr.'s office waiting room, as he was walking by her. I am normally not so squeamish but for some reason I did not like that!

kimberley replied: i was in a similar situation when i visited my grandfather in the nursing home. kaleigh was a newborn so i was protective of her anyway but an old lady asked to hold her WHILE she was snatching her out of my arms! i wouldn't let her go lol i am sure those people in their haven't seen a baby around in 40+yrs, but it wasn't going to be mine that she accidentally dropped on the floor i do feel a little bad because the lady just wanted a sweet moment... but i just couldn't let go to a stranger. i kept thinking "get a dog"

so i don't think you are awful for walking away.

lisar replied: Okay so you were rude. But I totally agree with what you done. There are old people out there who will kidnap a kid. I 100% agree with you. I would have done the same thing.

PrairieMom replied: I knew you all would agree! Daddy's just don't think about that sort of thing.

BAC'sMom replied: You right! I would have reacted the same way and have a time or two.

When Brandeis was about two, Richard ran into the neighborhood store and left Brandeis and I in the truck. There was a guy sitting in a car next to us, this guy gets out of his car knocks on the truck window and starts waving at Brandeis. Then he proceeds to go into the store and buy a lollipop and then comes and knocks on my windows and asks me if I’ll give the candy to my son. Richard was livid, needless to say people are crazy and Brandeis didn’t get the lollipop.

Stand your ground sister

AlexsPajamaMama replied: You did the right thing!! You did whatever your Mother's instinct told you!
Ben can't protect himself, thats why he has a Momma and Daddy! I agree that you have to be consistant when teaching them anything, and stranger danger is a serious issue that they need to def. learn about!

Ashlynn's Mommy replied: I think you did the right thing. I wouldn't let any stranger near my baby, and if I had to I would use physical force to keep them away from my child. Your a Mommy, go with your Motherly instincts, and don't listen to anyone else. You know whats best!!

PS)I'm new here so I hope I didn't step into a private converstaion. Sorry if I did.


**Lonnie

luvbug00 replied: OK here's my thoughts .. I don't know you, you ARE NOT holding my child! I don't care how old you are or young you are . Not until a backround check has been done! (J/K) I think u did the right thing WTG! Especially with her snaching like that..wierdo.

PrairieMom replied:
Nope. That is why we are here! Feel free to jump into any conversation! and welcome!

TheOaf66 replied: well as much as it pains me to disagree w/ a fellow DH, I don't feel you were wrong in your intentions. I am not sure how to have handled the situation better but I agree with the teaching of stranger danger. I also think she was being rude for asking while she was in the process of doing the request. I don't like when random people are touching my kid or when he was younger trying to pick him up etc. So kudos to you.

1lilpeanut2love replied:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

moped replied: First off all, since when do you hold a 3 year old....I guess I could understand if he was 2 months old or somehting, but that woman was CRAZY - crazy I say!!!!!
You are right!

msoulz replied: Go with your gut. Your gut told you that it was not right for the person to insist on holding your child. I'd rather be seen as rude and have a healthy child than "nice" and have something go wrong.

I try to be pleasant to all, but when I perceive my children's well-being to be at risk, or potentially at risk, I simply do not care if other see me as rude, cold, mean, whatever. Every relative I have will attest to that, I am sure. No apologies - it's our job to keep the little ones safe! It's the people who are afraid to be rude who may find themselves in a bad situation. Predators want people to be nice to make their deeds easier. I know a little old lady probably meant no harm, but maybe next time she will not just reach out without getting permission. And one never knows when someone seems harmless if he or she really is.

So back I go to "go with your gut" - but try to discern between the gut and paranoia!

3xsthefun replied: You are right. I would have done the same thing.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: No I wouldn't let her hold him. First of all, an old lady probably couldn't pickup a 3 year old. My grandmother is 85 and I can't see her picking up Wil. I would have probably just made an excuse that he's too heavy and walked away. You did the right thing.

Now if he were an infant and she was sitting down in a chair, maybe, but not for long. And I would be hovering over her!

luvbug00 replied: LOL !!!!I just pictured you Rae with a death Grip on Wesley! LOL!!!

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
I think that would bother me the most too. That was pretty rude of her... I'm sure she didn't mean to be though. I would feel pretty uncomfortable in that situation too!

And you'd think it would be kind of uncomfortable for poor Ben to be held by a strange little old lady too.

holley79 replied: I would have done the same also. DH probably would have been like your DH.

Nina J replied: I think you were right, you need to get the message across about strangers, even if it seems a little mean.

Personally, I try to get Emily to talk to elderly people. Not just go up to them by herself, of course, but if we are in a line waiting and an elderly person is next to us I try to engage in conversation. I talk to elderly people more so than adults while I'm out. Mainly because I used to work in an old age home, and the number of people there who told me they felt like an alien because young kids and young adults don't talk to them was staggering. I know alot of kids who are scared of elderly people because they are old, it makes me sad

I think she might of been lonely, but I would've done the same thing if I were in your position.

Maddie&EthansMom replied:
this is exactly what I was thinking. It's just WEIRD.

I did run into a woman at the bank one time that was fascinated by my children. She kept telling me to go on and take care of my business...that SHE Would watch them. I told her NO and I left and did my grocery shopping (the bank was in the grocery store) I went back and did my banking after she had left.

luvmykids replied:
I doubt she meant any harm but I would have just come out and said "I hope you understand, we're learning about not talking to strangers."