Why me? Why do I have a child who - has to be so tough?

coasterqueen wrote: I got Kylie all dressed up in her Christmas dress, black tights (btw), black shoes and a beautiful headband that had black bows on it. She looked soooooo beautiful and for the first time looked definately like a girl . So I was sooooo excited to take her to get her pictures done.

We get there and this child would not have it. She refused to smile or do anything for the woman taking the picture.

I am so fet up and frustrated. We go thru this whole stressful thing every time we take her to get her picture taken and this is the second time we've gone and got nothing because she wouldn't cooperate!!!!!!!

Why do I have to have such a high needs child and now she doesn't want to get her picture taken???????!!!!!!!!!!!

I am at my wits end and so sad about this. DH told me to give up and just forget about getting pics taken, but that just makes me too sad. I've tried everything I can think of...taking her at different times of the day, different people taking her picture, etc, etc, etc. She sat with us and did *ok* when we got her 1st year ones done, but that's about it.

DansMom replied: Strong-willed children are great---as long as you pick your battles. In so many ways Kylie will please you with her willpower later on, as she manages to accomplish things that are difficult or stick up for herself when she is right. Also, there is a phase where they are just contrary for the sake of being contrary, and it hits different kids at different ages. You've posted some good pictures of her on this site---maybe you could try again with your own camera after the memory of this event has faded.

juliajaj replied: Is she more relaxed if you take the picture of her? This is what we do for DD. For this year's Halloween picture, we put her in her costume, grabbed 2 pumpkins, a stuffed black Halloween cat we had on the mantle, sat her down in our bedroom, between 2 pumpkins & the cat was in front of her. DH took 8 pictures & the last 3 were great. It was so hard to decide which one since DD was relaxed & smiling great in them. We have a digital camera, so we copied the image file onto a disk & took it to one of the local camera stores for prints. It only cost us $10 for 20 4x6 pictures (we sent to all our family, kept one for our offices, and then a few spare pictures). Even if you don't have a digital, I think you can request that the images be placed on a CD when you drop off the roll of film, and then you could take that CD to a camera shop requesting reprints. We're planning on going the same route for DD's Christmas picture. She's to the point now that she always smiles when she sees DH out with the camera.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: This is the age when some children become terrified of the camera. I know when I took Claudia to get her one year pictures done it was a little stressful because she didn't like the noise of the camera. Where are you taking her? WalMart is pretty good, there camera doesn't make a lot of noise when it moves. Maybe give it a few weeks and see what happens. Try not to get stressed out. It will happen!

aspenblue1 replied: We had this place that came to our house and took the picture. They turned out really good. They were expensive but worth it.

chloe&tysmommy replied: That's what I would suggest also...get her dressed up and take a few pictures of her at home. Maybe she will feel more comfortable and smile for you!?! Or like Aspenblue1 suggested getting a photographer to come into your home and take them.

I would try that instead next time and hopefully you get the pics you want

Schnoogly replied: Oh yeah I was so mad at Iain when we went to get pictures taken. You'd think it was some kind of torture! I am not going to try again, as the disappointment was too hard for me. I am going to crop and print some regular pictures to send to people instead.

The high needs thing is really getting old here as well. At least Kylie eats food right?? Count yourself lucky you don't have that battle too.

coasterqueen replied:
No, it's a battle to get her to eat food too, lol. She nurses well, but solids are another story. She USED to like foods, but she hasn't for a month or so. She is VERY PICKY now on what she eats. Dh doesn't even feed her anymore because it's a mess, so I *try* now. UGH!

Kaitlin'smom replied: awww I am sorry you were dissapointed. I would also try the taking them yourself. One reason I love my digital I can take tons and find a few good ones, and delete most of the rest (blurred, to bright ect). If she does better that way then at least you will have them and probably cheeper in the long run!

Jamison'smama replied: so sorry, I KNOW that it is very stressful---1. getting them dressed up 2. keeping them clean, 3. Getting to the photography studio which in my experience is ALWAYS running late 3.Trying like CRAZY to get them to sit still or stand still and smile or at least stop crying long enough. 4. Keeping them entertained while you look at the awful previews of the pictures and choosing the lesser of the crying pictures. By the end I feel like I have had a workout--sweating, frustraged AARRGG!

Jamison is a difficult/spirited child at times and what has worked for us is: We bought a membership at the photography studio --we go every 2 weeks since the sitting fee is included and the membership comes with free pictures so it pretty much pays for itself. We often leave without anything but we occasionally get that perfect shot. Jamison has come to be more comfortable since we go so often, she knows the photographer and the room is not frightening to her anymore. This may not work for you--it does take a lot of time to do it but we do pretty casual pictures most of the time and since the studio is in the mall, there is usually stuff I need to do there anyway.

I understand about spirited kids, the picky eating the difficult sleeping the TEMPER TANTRUMS but the high energy love and giggles make up for all those crazy times. At least I keep telling myself that

kit_kats_mom replied: Man...High needs is really hard. Makes me wonder sometimes if DH & I did something wrong. Maybe if I didn't eat so much peanut butter when pregnant, hold her so much when she was a baby, let her co-sleep, breastfeed, etc. I'm pretty sure that it is just the way she came though. I just keep reminding myself of how smart K is, how loveable she is and I read and re-read Dr. Sears' info on High Needs Babies. Here are a few of the links
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050300.asp
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050500.asp & this is one of my faves:
THE CHANGING PERSONALITY PROFILE OF THE HIGH NEED CHILD
The words you use to describe your high-need child will change over the years, as the traits that so exhausted you during infancy are channeled into qualities that will make your child an interesting, dynamic adult. Try to think of your child's personality in a positive light and look ahead. Labels that seem like negatives will be positive traits in your child's future personality.

INFANT
alert
intense
draining
demanding
cries impressively
loud
unconsolable
supersensitive
high-touch

TODDLER-CHILD
busy
high-strung
exhausting
spunky
energetic
stubborn
impatient
strong-willed
obstinate
discerning
challenging
expressive
tantrum-prone
interesting
tender
huggable
TEEN ADULT
enthusiastic
deep
passionate
resourceful
dominating
opinionated
determined
persistent
insightful
fair
sociable
compassionate
empathetic
caring
affectionate

I helps me to take a step back sometimes. I know how much you want professional pics but in a few years, maybe those digitals will be good enough. Just remember, you will have lots of stories to tell her future boyfriends.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Maddie is high needs as well. The entire list of infant and toddler characteristics describes my Maddie. You all are so sweet to share your stories. I really feel like I am not alone and I am so glad I can come here for some understanding. Just another reason to love this board and the people on it. Even though I didn't start this thread I want to thank you for offering encouraging words. It seems like in times like this (I have been there so many times) It helps to put things in perspective and to know that our children are okay, there is nothing we did wrong nor are we doing anything wrong...and we love them no matter what. When Maddie is sweet she is very, very sweet. I wouldn't trade it for the world. She is either on one end of the scale or the other! LOL!

boogabearzmom....I say try taking her picture at home. Every Christmas I send out a greeting card with Maddie's picture and it is pictures I have taken. Then, I just take them to Sam's and have them put on greeting cards. It is so much less expensive and you don't have the headache that goes along with it. I think they are just as good as a professional picture.

juliajaj....those pictures are adorable that your DH took. You guys did a great job.

Good Luck!

kit_kats_mom replied:
Awww. Warm fuzzies everywhere! Couldn't have said it better myself! There are always going to be days when these kids will drive us to distraction but I just keep thinking that it will get better and until it does, I'll come here to post and get good info or just hugs from my buddies.