Would you be upset....

Momof3inMe wrote: Tyler went to the doctors today to get his staples out. He was with his dad over the weekend and the doctors is close to his house so I told him if you wanted to just keep them (both boys)I would met his wife at the doctors and go from there. Well yesterday afternoon the Ex called and asked if the boys could stay the rest of the week and I said sure if they want to but I will still take him to the doctors. So the appointment was at 2:30 I was running early and called her to tell her I was already in town and would be there when she got there. I got there about 2:05 and they were already at the office and she had checked him in and FILLED OUT THE PAPER WORK! I was very upset when I heard this. We ALL went to the room when they called his name it took all of 5 minutes for them to take them out and she was the one asking all the questions and I was getting more and more mad but did a great job to just let it go until I talk with the ex and then watch out I am going to give him an ear full!!! I dont mind that she went with us but I feel there is no reason for her to come in the room with us. I am his mom and I am the one who needed to be asking questions. I just feel like she is over stepping her role as a stepmom it would different if I said I couldn't make it and have HER take him then yes she should be asking questions. When she does this to me it makes me feel like I am not doing my job as a mom. So my questions is would you be upset if someone did this to you?

So I should be getting a call about 5ish and I am going to talk to the Ex about this I hope I can stay cool and not get mad. Please send me some stay cool vibes or I might just loose it on him.

Thanks for letting me vent I just need to get this off my chest.

AlexsPajamaMama replied:

luvmykids replied: I think I would have had a very hard time with it

If her intentions are good, not malicious and trying to go over your head, then I guess I would try to give her a little credit, a lot of step moms could care less, kwim? But it would still be inconsiderate of her to act like you basically weren't even there.

Let us know how the talk with your ex goes.

lisar replied: I think if her intentions were good and not just to make you mad then I wouldnt be as mad. Yes it would have upset me though. The way I look at is that atleast your kids have a stepmom who cares and not one that is being mean to them or dont like them. I know some kids who have bad step moms.

BAC'sMom replied: I think I would a little HOT too.

A&A'smommy replied: I agree they are lucky to have a stepmom like that a lot of stepmoms aren't like that... but I would ask her to let you be the mom when you are there!

mammag replied: Like the others said, it seems like she had good intentions. I would approach it under that assumption and maybe go straight to her and let her know you appreciate her help and caring for your kids but you'd prefer to be the one acting in the mom role in the future if you are there. I would have been upset too but have learned that in most instances you'll get much further with sweetness than accusations.

PrairieMom replied:

Cece00 replied: Talk to your ex, but if that happens again, a simple way to take care of it is to say "Thanks, but I've got it from here." when she tries to follow into the room.

Momof3inMe replied: Dont get me wrong I am glad they have a stepmom that wants to do for them and cares for them I just feel she over stepped today. She has been all about my boys from the frist day she met them and thats great but when we are doing something that a parent needs to sign something or give the ok for something to be done and I am there then I think I should be the one who does it.

I have not talked to dad b/c i want to do it when he is not with her so I can tell him how i feel without her talking in the background.

A&A'smommy replied:
oh I totally understand YOU are their mother and YOU should be the one doing those things!!

CantWait replied: I can see where you would be upset, but seriously Tyler sounds like a very lucky boy to have what sounds like a very caring stepmother. I really don't think she meant to overstep her bounds, but was probably more trying to truly understand process. Does she have any of her own children?

Momof3inMe replied:
Yes she has 3 children of her own. I guess if you know all the stuff I have been through with her you might understand more of my this brothers me so much. I just wanted to get it off my chest so that before I talked to the ex I was not so mad and say things I didn't want to say.

Jeffs Wife replied: I really hope you can stay calm when you talk to their dad. I think that will help you more than if you get upset, that's when you might say something you don't really want to say.

I understand completely how you feel. I would be upset too. Just explain how it made you feel, probably like you were the stepmom and she was the mom?

Brian and Rachel's stepmom has on two different occasions told the hospital that she was my children's mother, not step mother but bio mother .
The last time she did it she actually signed papers at the hospital were I should have signed it. Their father didn't fill it out and sign as their father, she filled it out and signed it as the mother . The hospital didn't question her at the time because she has the same last name as my kids. When I found out about it I went to the hospital with my custody papers and birth certificates. I didn't blame the hospital but boy was I mad at the father and stepmother. I lived one block from the hospital they took him to. They were trying to hide what had happened to my son.

Just make sure you keep your cool when you talk to him. I hope it goes well

Momof3inMe replied:
That is what I am talking about she has the same last name and everything. I will be calm when I talk to him.

I am so glad there is somone out there that knows how I feel. She is not a very nice person to me and I have just kept it to myself but this was just the frosting on the cake.

Boo&BugsMom replied: I would be upset too. It does seem like her intentions were genuine, but I would probably feel like I was put on the back burner. I probably would have felt more uncomfortable than anything, and hurt. If she was the only one to take them and you weren't available, then that's one thing, but you were available. Hopefully she will understand your feelings. Being a mother herself though, she should have known, if you ask me.

Now, the paperwork, I would very upset with. I'm not sure how the laws go about steppparents though. Is it legal for her to sign them? I know whenever my mother has taken Tanner to the doctor, they can't allow her to sign anything. Only the legal guardians, unless we give special permission. I would check to see if your ex signed something to give her permission too, just to be safe. Good luck!

gr33n3y3z replied:
I agree
But you are their Mom and she should respect that also when all of you are together

C&K*s Mommie replied: So did you talk to your ex? What did he have to say?

AlexsPajamaMama replied:
This is what I think too
It's a tough situation until you are the one in it I think too

JP&KJMOM replied: I am going to throw my opinion out there for what it is worth. As a stepmom I have been there done that a million times during the five years we had custody of him. Our case was slightly different in that the mom did not want to be a part. Mind you my stepson was older than your kids are and he never introduced me as anything but his MOM. By his choice of course.

But when my stepson broke his arm a few years ago my MIL and I were the ones that took him to the ER. Yes I signed stuff there for treatment under our insurance but when they started discussing surgery I called Jason to come to the hospital. No way in you know what was I going to authorize them to put him under. In no way was that my right. But I also agree with you that she might have over stepped her bounds because I would have never done what she did if his mom was there.

I think I would tell the ex that you appreciate what she does but make sure she knows her boundries from now on. Good luck.

Momof3inMe replied:
We are playing phone tag so I asked if he would call on his lunch break so I will up date later. Thanks guys for your thoughts. I have chilled out a lot over night but it's still buging me so I hope after talking to him I will feel a lot better.

Momof3inMe replied: I talked to my ex this afternoon and he was on the same page as me and thinks that his wife was in the wrong. He said he will talk with her so we will see. She has a very strong personality and thinks she should run the show so I hope she will understand where I am coming from and just back off some.

kimberley replied: sorry for the late response but i would be upset too. while it is wonderful that she is taking a strong role in their lives, she must realize that you are the one that gave birth to them and she should step back when you are around.. it is just common sense. i know a lot of people like her that steamroll over everyone in their path.. they are usually oblivious to the feelings they hurt too. i hope your ex can get her to see the light.

MommyToAshley replied:
I have to agree. I would have a very hard time with all of that, but not sure I would bring it up to your Ex since it sounds like she was just concerned and her intentions were good. You will always be his MOM though.

Halo42101 replied: I am so sorry! I would be upset too.