Would you consider this - Moving in with your parents

Celestrina wrote: DH had an idea the other day. He suggested we move in with my parents in a few years. We would sell our house and use the money to send Ben to a private school. They have a big enough house and a large backyard. They are also in their 70's and might need help around the house. My main concern is that we would be losing some of our privacy. I would also be able to work full time. We don't want to say anything to them until we have discussed it some more.

luvmykids replied: I don't know, I know people who have done that type of thing and had both good and bad experiences. I think some things to think about are ground rules, so they are able to draw the line between you as parents and them being grandparent-ly. Would they be able to respect that you parent differently than they may have? Also, how much time would you need to devote to helping them? It's an ideal set up if you can still manage to work.

Personally, I think I could do it.

redchief replied: Some 15 years ago my parents nearly lost their business and home due to some bad decisions they'd made in previous years. Lisa and I were the only family with the ability and credit to help them out. At this same time our home of seven years was becoming unavailable, so we threw in with them, buying half the property and creating a duplex. My parents live downstairs. At times there are some minor privacy issues, but overall it hasn't been bad, and with my parents aging, I feel more comfortable being close.

amymom replied: I have tons to say on this and not sure where to start.
Would I consider it? Yes
Have I done it? Yes
Would I do it again? Yes, but!

We moved in with my MIL two years ago and it has been more good than bad. If I were to do it again, I would recommend (if possible) more like Ed. Where you are still seperate but together. We live in one house, and it is plenty big enough, and we have the bedrooms upstairs, and Mom has a bedroom on the first floor. But this is her house. And I know that, and she is in her 80's and is pretty set in her ways. So there are adjustments to be made. The reasons, we did this was because of her failing health, and her not being able to take care of the house any longer. She wants to stay in her house, not end up in assisted living or nursing home. So for that reason, if I were to do it again, I would have just moved very close and taken care of her chores for her. We did lose alot of privacy and it is the only thing that bothers me about this relationship.

The kind of privacy I mean: Why did you buy that?, Where did that come from? Why does he have that friend? Why are you doing laundry today? I thought you ate a piece of pie before. Or, I get... Well when I used to vacuum I did it this way, when I used to sweep the porches I did it this way. Silly things, that have no meaning. But are annoying KWIM?

Anyway, My recommendation it to discuss it, weigh the pros & cons and then decide if it would work for you. Also, since it is not a necessity right now, maybe you could rent your home and try it for a year or so. Then you can see what the kinks are to work out in your personal relationships.

Celestrina replied:
Is your MIL named Pat and live in southeastern PA? That is exactly my MIL! DH just read it and could not stop laughing!

Thank you everyone for your input.

mummy2girls replied: I did it for a few months when i was pregnant with jenna ... i did it to get money in the bank so when jenna was born i could get my own place.. It was ok. I had my privacy but it came with the 5 "w" questions. i could only do it for a bit and then i moved in with my brother until jenna was 4 months old. There it was much better! Sometimes parents forget your aduilts and can make your own descions..

coasterqueen replied: We are kinda going through this same thing. My MIL and her Dh want to do a business venture with us which would also mean they would have to live on our property. They kinda hinted at moving in with us, which we don't want but we are considering letting them build on our property, BUT I just can't make up my mind.

Is your only reason for doing this to send Ben to private school? Because if that's the main reason, you move in, it doesn't work out and have to move could you afford this private school if you had to do that? Those are things I would consider too before doing this.

GL w/your decision.

C&K*s Mommie replied: We did it for a time with Chris' parents. I moved in with his parents in Tallahassee, after living with his SIL here in this town. They were always offering me to move in with them, finally I could not take the situation I was in anymore with his SIL and took the leap. Chris was driving long haul at the time. The last time we had to moved in w/ his parents was just after C was born. We moved out when Christian was 5mos old, so our time there was short. We had plenty of privacy, and there were no hassels. So no hard feelings accompanying our move out.

I wish you well.

hawkshoe replied: I would only do so if completely necessary. We moved in with my mom for 3 months while our house was being built. She was rarely home, but 3 months was more than enough for me.

gr33n3y3z replied: The way Ed stated duplex only

But to move in under the same roof with the same kitchen and what not No Way never again ever I did it for 4 months spilt with 2 at my parents house and 2 with his parents while this was being built and I hated every min. of it
everyone was in everyones business telling you what you should do and telling you what not to do plus you had to hear I dont do it that way.

Dont get me wrong if anyone ever needed help thats something diffrent and I would bite the bullet and deal but to save money no that would never be an option with me ever.

AlexsPajamaMama replied: I would only move in with my parents if I absolutely had to financially
DH and I lived with my grandparents when we were first together and I really enjoy my privacy now. Especially with a child now, I like having our own time together that may be interupted if we lived at some one elses house. That's just me. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

MichaelsMommy replied:
Ditto