Would you let your children be away from you? - For a week....

My3LilMonkeys wrote: This is quickly becoming a hot topic in our house. MIL and my mother are both starting to plan their vacations (MIL to Virginia, mom to SC) and both want to take our girls with them. At the time of the vacations Brooke will be 2 1/2 and Madison will be 1.

Both of them have offered that DH and I could come too but we can only take 1 week of vacation each. We will probably go with MIL because they are going camping and my mom is staying in a VERY pricey beachhouse and we really can't afford that kind of vacation. Also, we would enjoy the vacation with MIL more because we enjoy their company more.

I am just not ready to let them go for a whole week. Also, DH absolutely would not let my mom take the girls. He doesn't really trust her around them for that long b/c my parents tend to parent the way they want, not the way DH and I want.

Would you/have you let grandparents or others take your kids on vacation? If so, how old were they? Are we being selfish in saying no?

CantWait replied: I definetly would. My mom took Robbie when he was around 3 or 4 for a week. I also plan on letting her take Robbie and Anthony (10 and 2 and a half), for a week when we do our house hunting trip near the beginning of summer (by then it'll be close to 11 and 3). Your parents are never going to parent your kids the way you want, that's why it's so fun to be a grandparent. Is your mother irresponsible in the way she cares for your children, or does she just tend to overspoil them??

If I were you I would relish in the break and be glad that you have family that would offer you an icredible opportunity such as this.

My3LilMonkeys replied: It's not really overspoiling or irresponsibility. It's just issues that we disagree on.

For example, I do not spank my children. She will smack Brooke on the rear for getting into things instead of trying the methods that we prefer.

Also, she allows her to get away with things (jumping on furniture, climbing on the dogs, going upstairs by herself, pulling everything out of the cupboards/refridgerator and not being responsible for helping put it away) that Brooke is not allowed to do anywhere else. It confuses her about the rules at home.

Oh, and the thing that bothers DH the most is she thinks diapers don't need changed until they are absolutely saturated to the point of almost leaking. No matter how much I stress that both of my children have very sensitive skin and get rashes at the drop of a hat she refuses to change them regularly.

Thank you for your comments. Your post has really made me consider that it is not necessarily the fact that I don't want to let her go as much as it might be I don't want to let her go with my mother in particular.

ETA: Just a note that this post is mostly all about Brooke. With Madison it is more of the idea that I think she will be too young, IMO, to spend that much time away from us.

mckayleesmom replied: I think that if there is any doubt in your head...then that is your answer...just kindly tell them No.

CantWait replied: Ya I think you have a couple of good points for sure. I can see your point about the smacks on the bum, even if I smacked my kid, there's no way I'd want my mom smacking them. The diaper issue also really gets me. I hope that you guys can get something figured out or somethin, it really sucks because of a couple issues that she woudln't be able to take them.

MM'sMama replied: I am leaving Brice whos 4 yrs and Caroline who is only 3 1/2 months old home with my MIL and family while we go to Japan. I don't want to be away from my babies but I do feel 200% comfortable with them staying with my in-laws. I will just miss them to pieces and be lost without them but I think its better then taking them on a LONG over seas flight. But I'd say go with you gut! If you have doubt then absolutely not! I say if they want to take them with then there should be know question that they fallow the way you do things with the kids to a T! Sorry I am not more help good luck.

CAMSMOM1 replied: I have really been blessed with an awesome mother, and mother-in-law. They are both very loving & responsible grandparents. I have left my son with my mother during a 3 day weekend. I was having a hard time with it. I knew he was in good hands, but it was the first time I was away from him that long. I called her a 100 times a day, and was always reassured. I just missed him. But I knew that he was happy, and I needed a break. But my mother & my MIL respect my wishes, and how I raise my son. They back me up and USUALLY listen to my request. It's hard to tell them that "times have changed" and that you don't do the same things they did when they were mothers. For instance, my MIL always thinks I'm overacting when I take my son to the doctor. If it was up to her, she would let him stick it out and get better on his own. So yes, we don't always see eye-to--eye, but over all, I know they have his best interest in mind, and he is loved and taken care of when he is with them.
I don't mind my son staying with them at their house, I'm not so sure how I would feel if they took him out of town, on vacation. Somewhere he isn't acustomed to, and without me for that length of time. In some ways it'll be a great bonding time for the girls, and a nice break for you and your DH.
This is something only you and your DH can decide. If you don't feel comfortable doing it, then follow your gut. Tell your MIL that you appreciate the offer, but you think a week is to long to be away, and that if she would like to take them for a weekend sometime, that would be fine. I would think about it for awhile before you give them an answer.
Let us know what you decide to do. It's never easy leaving your babies, but as long as you know they are in good hands, it may be a good break for you.
Ann

PhiMuMommy replied: i would say not with them that young.. if they were 6 or older then go for it.. but not at that age.. my son is almost 3 and after 2 days of being away from me he starts getting really upset about not seeing me. and then for a week after he has really bad separation anxiety...


i dont' think saying no is a bad idea.. i'd just say not yet..

punkeemunkee'smom replied: I think that is too young yet~maybe if one of the girls was older and could talk to you (on the phone) and tell you how things were going. I also think if you have any issues with how she "parents" YOUR children I would say No to an extended trip. Since you do not spank I think that is a MAJOR issue-NOBODY else should spank them either. And I have a child who was also very prone to diaper rash...the whole diaper thing would freak me out I think if you have doubts about letting them go then now is not the time! JMO!

3_call_me_mama replied: Definately not. It's not a trust issue either. It's a comfort of knowing that I am in immediate vacitity if my child needs me. Cameron is over 3 adn has yet to spend teh night away form both of us (with teh exception of teh night that kathleen was born adn MIL came and statyed here with him.. but he stayed up until he passed out on teh couch and was up a 5 am looking for us! ) And I intend to do teh same for kathleen. I figure my children have enough tiem to be away form me in their lives, I'm not in any kind of hurry for them to be gone now. At Cameron's age now, i woudl be OK with an overnight to my parents (or IL's if they lived closer), IF cameron asked to stay, and on teh condition that they would call us or bring him home if he was upset and didn't want to stay. I know that is our parenting preference and that others do not necessarily feel teh same way, but it works for us. And personally i cannot understand how someone is able to let their toddler/preschooler or especially infant be gone from them for a great length of time if they don't have to be. I'm not saying it's a bad parenting decision, i just don't know how they do it.

PrairieMom replied: I personally couldn't do it, even if I completely trusted my mom or MIL. I just wouldn't be able to enjoy myself the whole time. I left the boy for a 3 day weekend with DH when I went to Vegas to visit my sister, and I was miserable. I just wanted to go home!
My MIL wants to take The Boy for a week or so, but it will be a very long time before that happens. No matter how crazy he makes me!

mom2tripp replied: I just could not do that, it's much too young for me and like prariemom said I just wouldn't enjoy myself. Just this weekend I left Tripp for one night and one day and I just couldn't wait to get back home, I think I would not be able to make it for a week but that's just me. I also agree with Brianne, if there's any doubt in your mind I would just say no!

MyBlueEyedBabies replied: I started letting Katy go to California with my mom (staying with my sister) right arround her second birthday, she would also spend a night or few nights with MIL. I would let Matt start going now too. They all "parent" our kids differently but are all good with the kids. (my mom and potty training excluded) I trust all the people in my kids lives so I guess I don't have the same issues but My kids definatley get to go spend time with their other family members.

kimberley replied: umm no lol. my boys are 9 and 7yo and i have a really hard time letting them go 4-5days to the cottage with my ex and his mom . for the same reasons as your dh.. they parent how they want, not how the boys should be parented then i have to "fix" the bad habits/behaviors for weeks afterwards. at 1 or 2 yrs old... forget it! you have to do what is right for you and your dh and the kids. i know you may feel obligated to let the grandparents spend time but at what cost? dont make yourself crazy for a week to please other people. good luck with your decision.

MamaJAM replied: No - I wouldn't let them go. First off - I don't trust either my parents or ILs with my kids for that long of a time. Secondly - at such a young age - I see no reason for my kids to take that long of a trip with anyone other than the parents. Maybe - I'd let my 13 or 9 year olds do it now...but certainly not toddlers.
As far as vacationing with the relatives - that's really up to how you feel. If you and your DH are limited with vacation time -- and you think you could have fun going along on one of the trips - then go for it. If your vacation time is limited and you'd rather have a family vacation -- just the 4 of you - then wait until you can take a trip alone.
Either way - you have to do what you're most comfortable with.

mom21kid2dogs replied: Assuming these are beach vacations, I'd say for me~never. No one has my child that close to water but me. It's the paranoid former lifeguard in me.

C&K*s Mommie replied: IMO, Madison, I would say that now is not the time. As for Brooke, your 2.5yr old, it is possible, but (for me) it would depend on the distance that they would be away- in terms of SC/NC from where you are now. For us, Tallahassee, is only a hop~skip~ and a big jump away. Christian has stayed there with my MIL for several days/nights and has loved every minute. We were comfortable with that, and we know that iff any emergency came up we could get over there in about 2.5hrs.

We do not feel comfortable with Kellie (who is 20mos) staying out of town, while she can talk she may be able to express herself in a way that they (my IL's would understand), we understand her because she is here with us more.

Similiar to the other ladies, I think maybe next yr Brooke may be ready to take an extended vacation (without you) and maybe the yr following for Madison. If you were going to go with you MIL, by all means of course! But Brooke going alone now, probably would not be the best idea. JMO.

Keep us updated!!!

Hillbilly Housewife replied: We have the same problem, constantly. We used to live literally across the street from my inlaws, and 2 doors down from my mother. So we'd let them spend overnights as much as they wanted, and some weekends.

I don't like my inlaws, at ALL. I think they are irresponsible in the way they parent my kids, but they really aren't, in retropect.

For instance, they let my kids go down to the basement to play with toys. There are computers there, a fridge, a tv unit, file cabinet, some chairs... and they are left there to play for a while. I do not agree with this...although the kids love it. When we are over, eother me or dh goes down with the kids, or MIL tells FIL to. Do they do that when we're not around? most likely not....

THey have no issue with letting the kidss ride little bokes in the backyard, no helmet. We instilled that a helmet is necessary for our kids - the kids ask for their helmets when we take them out with their bikes. We even had to buy a 2nd set of helmets / pads for our sitter's house. But MIL doesn't make them wear it.

It's a neverending battle, it always will be. Our parents and in;aws are not us - and nobody is as good for our kids as us. And the parents and inlaws tell us that when they have the kids, they do things differently, because they're gramdparents. Which is true... after all, they did raise their own kids, who turned out relatively alright...

so I grin and bear it. When the kids comne home with in-law behaviour (i.e: jumping on berds, throwing cushions around for a pillow fight) i just tell them that "we only do that at grandpa's house". They understand that. They know that they're not allowed to throw cushions around here - and that they're not allowed to help themselves to snacks fron the fridge without asking fir help.

For us - we laid down the law. We told our inlaws what we would absolutely refuse to budge on - for example, safety issues - our kids are NEVER to be left outside alone - not EVER, not even to go answer the phone. The kids are NEVER to be left in the car alone, not even to return a cart to the corral at the mall. Our kids are not to have pop / soft drinks, hard candy, or gum. they're not to be allowed to walk in a store without holding on to 1) hands or 2) cart, and are ALWAYS to be kept an eye on - as in - no taking eyes/hands off kids to lookj at something for even just a few seconds. our kids aren'tr even allowed to go swimming without a one on one supervision...both MIL anf FIL would have to be there with the kids.

It took a while for the inlaws to realize we weren't fooling around, that we were absolutely serious about the things they did that we didn't approve of. We've told them our "conditions" when they asked to take the kids somewhere... and they've got insulted, and not taken the kids... but after a few months of them not being allowed to take the kids more than overnight, they "got it" and now they know better. Heck, they don't even take the kids to church without telling us, so that we always know where they are should we need to contact them. MIL and FIL both carry cell phones now, as well.

So, I'd say go for it...if you feel comfortable. I don't know how independate your younger one is... but if she can get what she wants/needs across, I personlly wouldn't have a problem.

so - set rules for your inlaws - change their diapers wehen they do thir business - everytime. tell them you'll supply the diapers, if you need to. To use cream if they need it. etc etc etc... and make it very clear that if those conditions aren't met, there is no stay overs anymore.

Good luck...keep us posted.

coasterqueen replied: I have a hard time letting ANYONE be with my kids, away from me for any amount of time. I let my parents watch Kylie July last year so DH and I could have a getaway before we got pg with Megan. That was REALLY hard on me and even though Kylie had LOADS of fun with my parents she decided after that she didn't want to stay with anyone. She was 2 months shy of 2 years old at the time. It wasn't until a few months ago that she really wanted to start spending the night places again. She begs us now to go stay places.

I have agreed to let Megan stay the night with my parents after she turns one, but it still pains me to do that. Not sure if I'll be able to go through with it or not. She's extremely more laid back than Kylie ever was about being with me in the mid of night and nursing, etc so I'm not as worried.

I say you have to do what feels right for you.

My2Beauties replied: I have let Hanna go with my dad for a week at a time, she is actually there now as we speak It's hard for me, but I know my dad wants to spend time with her and I think it's great. She has a blast with him and his girlfriend, and they do a lot of fun stuff with her. Also, when Brian and I went to Vegas both times, we left Hanna with my mom. We were gone for 8 days. As long as you trust the person I think it's fine. You have to give time for your marriage and you have to have adult time with each other. I have a friend at work who regrets not letting her children stay anywhere, because now her marriage is failing because of it, she always says we have kids not a marriage! It's really sad! You need that time with your DH alone sometimes.

moped replied: We are going away in March for 12 days and my parents are coming to stay with Jack - it iwll be hard, but I will also try to have a good time and enjoy the hot sun!

jem0622 replied: It's a personal decision that you and DH must be comfortable with. If you aren't, then politely thank them but say 'no thanks.' Don't go into why, just say that when they are older you will consider it.