Wow, I'm really upset right now - Need some hugs guys...it's going rough
My2Beauties wrote: A couple of things:
#1 first and foremost, DH and I are really in a rut right now money wise, we were doing so good but the railroad has been extremely slow. There are 60 something guys under DH that are laid off, so he only has like 2 guys under him now, which means he has less seniority and keeps getting rolled off jobs, which gives him less opportunities to work, his checks have been $300 + short the past 2-3 months and it's starting to take it's toll. We went and got a consolidation loan to consolidate our credit cards so we'd have one monthly payment. It got so bad today that I had to take a cash advance out on one of the recently paid off cc's and put the money in the bank so checks wouldn't bounce everywhere  It's bad, so now we have our consolidation loan payment plus that cc payment again, we did have like 5 cc payments, but still....it's one thing after another. That extra money he isn't getting is killing us. I swear I feel so horrible because all he has done is stress about it and he has been doing so many side jobs as far as roofing goes, like doing repairs etc... that I feel horrible. All he has done is try to get work and it seems like it gets us just barely caught up and then we're right back in a hole again when everything comes due.  I am really beside myself as to what to do. I have a girlfriend who does Partylite Candle parties on the side and she seems to be making good money, I asked her a roundabout figure of what she makes on those so I can try and start that up and sell those. I have to do something.
#2 - Heard some really bad news just now. DH told me he had a long talk with Desiree just now and that she is about 90% sure that her mom is going to get back with her husband, the one that beats her, threatens her and her children, went to jail for Domestic Violence etc.... Desiree said she wants to move in with us, which, of course I have absolutely no problem with, but this has GOT to hurt her knowing that she has already given her mom an ultimatum, she said I refuse to live with him ever again and I won't, she said I'll move in with my dad, why would Staci go back with him, it's like she is choosing him over her daughter, this bothers me. Staci is soooooo much better than him. She has guys drooling over her, good guys at that, guys with class, guys with decency. I don't get it. He'll change...for 3 months maybe and be back to his old ways. Hell a couple of friends of ours said they saw him snorting cocaine in a bar bathroom not even a month ago....what is she thinking? I feel so horrible for Desiree, I would have so much animosity towards my mom if she chose a man over me!
I just need some huge hugs now guys. I'm nearly in tears over all of this. The money thing really has me stressed to he max, I don't know what we're going to do, we're drowning.
Kaitlin'smom replied: 
I wish I could really hug you and make you feel better.
kimberley replied: i am so sorry hon. financial issues are tough... i know all too well. is there any way to reduce some of your monthly expenses? ie cut a cell phone, reduce groceries, or something? my prayers are with you that things get better for all of you.
my heart really breaks for Desiree. my mom did virtually the same thing.. choosing a guy over her kids and it hurts. at least she has you and dh there for her. her mother will regret this when it's too late.
Calimama replied: Maybe you guys could go to a debt consolidator or someone to help you budget with the smaller checks? I really hope for Desiree's sake, her mom makes the right choice. I'm sorry sweetie.
My2Beauties replied:
Thanks guys. As far as your first question yes....DH and I are going to sit down tonight and see what we can get rid of. He can't live without cable TV, so I'm thinking we're gonna go satellite, we pay almost $150 a month right now for our cable, phone and internet all in one. We're probably gonna scrap the phone all together, satellite which is like $39.99 a month and find a reputable company that has DSL or something. As far as the cell phones go, we won't have a home phone so this is all we'll have. My cell phone bill isn't too bad, DH is a little on the high side plus Desiree's is coupled with his. Eating out will have to completely stop...no more fast food or anything seriously. We currently have 2 signature loans through our bank, I'm wondering since they're low enough if we can put the two together and pay one payment on those as well. I have some ideas in my head.
luvmykids replied: I'm sorry
I have totally BTDT, the last year has been beyond rough financially and we had to do all the things you mentioned....no cable (or satellite for us), bare minimum phone plans, no eating out...just telling you this b/c at some point, a lot of people have to just do without those things and it sucks but it is doable.
I don't know what to say about Staci other than the fact that it's pretty typical and common in a relationship like that...it's sad but she probably has already down played in her mind how bad it really is, and someone like him is probably VERY good at manipulating her. I hope she can find the courage to make the right decision but if not, as her friend, try to be supportive, it's not as easy as it seems to break free of that. She really needs to get counseling, if you can encourage her that direction.
Hang in there, it will get better, I know it doesn't feel like it but it will
kimberley replied: see, there's a light at the end of the tunnel  you'll be surprised how those little things add up and you will be back on stable ground in no time. you are a very smart cookie.. have faith honey.
holley79 replied:
I am so sorry sweetie! I have no idea why women go back to their abusers either but it is very common, sad but common. Poor Des.
I hope Dh is able to find something quickly.
katiesmom2002 replied: Sorry to hear all of this, i hope things starting look up for you guys. I will keep your family in my thoughts.
momofone replied: another way to save money is on all your insurance policies car house health is to raise all deductibles. Hope things get better soon for you.
BAC'sMom replied: keep the faith
Boys r us replied: Man, I'm sorry LeaAnn! I hope you guys are able to figure out some ways to save tonight! Trust me, I've been there when Rick got laid off..I know how bad it sucks when you suddenly have less income and have to look at ordinary things in life as luxuries all of a sudden and try to figure out which you can live without.
As far as Staci goes..some people just have that personality type where they almost get addicted to people. She thinks she'd be better with him than alone..
I'm so sorry that you and Bryan have to watch her hurt Desiree like this. I'm so glad that you are in a position where you have room and are able to take her in if that is what she decides! bless her heart!!!
Crystalina replied:
I'm so sorry to here all this.
gr33n3y3z replied:
LeaAnn people like her mother dont think thats the problem
I'm so glad she has your family to go to
A&A'smommy replied: It will get better honey!!!
My3LilMonkeys replied:
Hillbilly Housewife replied: Aww hun... I've been there done that. A few years ago, we were in SO MUCH DEBT that we didn't really have much spare change... our credit bills were between 700 - 800 $ every month... but we paid off close to 50 000$ in debt in about 2 1\2 years... and we haven't touched a credit card since.
There are plenty of ways you can save a buck... TONS. Of course you can do the obvious, like the cable, phone etc... but, there are ways that people don't even think of.
One thing that you should definitely look for, especially when buying groceries... is the price per unit, not overall cost. You'd be surprised at the amount of stuff we buy that seems cheaper...but really you're paying more for less.
With a little preparation, a little help, and some determination, you can feed your family of 4 (or 5 with Des) on as little as 50$ - 75$ a week...and still have completely healthy and nutritious foods. By checking your errands against a "driving route", you can figure out the best way to get all of it done at once using the least amount of gas possible. You can do the obvious and cut out take-out, or at least reduce it big time. Don't buy new clothes for a while, unless TOTALLY needed. Use a kitchen rag instead of paper towels. Cut down on the hot water used. Switch your hot water to warm for your laundry machine.
Seriously... I bet you I can find 200$ you never knew you had. I'm a total whiz with budgets and stuff to help save money to pay off debt... PM me if you want some help.
CantWait replied:
lovemy2 replied: Hang in there LeAnn - as for the finances, sit down and work out a plan together and stick to it - check with your gas company, etc. see if they have budget payments, stuff like that...
As for Staci - well I have no advice - never been in that situation and hope never to be but like someone else said - it is pretty common that they go back hard for those of us who wouldn't to understand how she can choose him over her daughter but it happens - all you can do is be there for Desiree and make sure she is safe - if she moves in with you wouldn't DH not have to pay the child support?? That may help financially too.
Boo&BugsMom replied:
Although I can't help you with #2, I can completely relate to #1. We are going through the same thing right now with money. I don't have any additional advice, but know that you are not alone.
3xsthefun replied:
I'm sorry for all you are going through right now. I hope things look up for you soon.
Kaitlin'smom replied: I hope you were able to work out a plan on the budget. I am getting ready to look at ours and see what I can chop at so I can get other things paid off. Or at least work on the grocery end feels like I spend so much for so little.
I really hate that Staci is not seeing the big picture. I hope it works out and someone can help her.
coasterqueen replied:
My2Beauties replied:
You're awesome, I'm gonna do the hot water thing, I'm also going to try buying things in smaller sizes instead of thinking I need everything in bulk. Thanks!!!
My2Beauties replied:
Oh yes we've discussed that, he said if she ends up moving back in with him and Desiree comes to live with us full time the child support stops, Staci knows this, it wouldn't be fair, that's $400 extra per month!
mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I'm sorry to sound harsh, but why can't your DH live without cable? Like Nichole said, I know how it is to suddenly have to let go of things that were once common to now think of them as luxuries, but looks like this is what needs to be done. It doesn't have to be forever. When we're in a crunch, we constantly change or completely cutout our plans...phone, cable, DSL. You can always go back.
I'm sorry LeaAnn, but things will get better. They always do. Consolidating CCs is a wise choice. Close out the accounts you've payed off so that you aren't tempted to use them again. Seriously, cut up the cards. Use cash for groceries and you'll discover that you don't really spend as much as you think you need to spend. It's easier to spend more when it's going on a card, kwim?
As for Desiree's mom, I don't know what to say, but thank god D has you guys.
HuskerMom replied:
Our Lil' Family replied:
I was wondering that as well, just didn't want to ask. You'd be surprised at how much you won't miss cable. We've had basic cable (25 channels for $13) for almost 3 years now....we haven't missed much by saving that $35/month!
jcc64 replied: Oh, this was the other thread. Sorry, a little slow on the uptake. I feel ya with the financial thing. Things have been brutal for us since I got laid off, went back to school, and got cheated out of a HUGE freelance check by a client that we had planned to live on for a few months! It's a HUGE source of stress, and it's only getting worse with oil being so expensive during the heating season here in upstate NY. So trust me, I know the desperation you're feeling, and the only advice I have is- avoid your credit cards like the plague. I know sometimes there's no other way, but like some of the other ladies have said, if you go to the grocery store with cash, it's a whole different mindset. You're really aware of what you need vs. what you'd like to have. I know money problems suck in a major way, Lea Ann. But the only way I get myself through them is to remind myself that it's just money. No one's sick, we all still have each other, and nothing is more important than that. I know that doesn't get the bills paid, but it does kind of put it in perspective and make it go down a little easier, kwim?
As far as Desiree, what a mess. Unfortunately, her mom has a horrible case of low self esteem and doesn't believe she can or should expect more for herself or more importantly, her child. It would probably make it easier to view her sympathetically as opposed to hostilely. She can't feel good about herself, kwim? The most important thing is to protect Desiree on every level, her physical well being, her self esteem, her spirit, everything. I know you guys will do that, and if necessary, there are legal remedies if it gets completely out of hand.
MoonMama replied: I'm so sorry hun!
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