about locked threads and hurt feelings

jcc64 wrote: OK guys, I have a few thoughts about some of our more heated political discourse and the haste at which we lock our threads.
First, it occurs to me that whenever a thread gets locked, I'm always somehow in the middle of it. I think sometimes my language is too strong, and I can see how that can be misconstrued or offensive to those with different views. I really do try to make an effort to express myself respectfully, maybe I'm not always successful at accomplishing that.
But please understand that behind all that strong language and political passion is a sincere desire to connect with those whose views are so very different from my own. I think it's critical for all of us to realize that behind the labels of conservative, liberal, Republican,etc. are moms just like us, and we basically want the same things. We just disagree on how to get there. I have tremendous respect for anyone who's passionate and involved in political discourse, even if I don't agree with their views all the time or even some of the time.
As I said to Karen this morning, there have been several moments where I've considered leaving this board b/c I've often felt like a left wing freak of nature. But what kept me coming back was the sincere belief that this is a special group of people that can transcend the differences, and that we are entirely capable of having difficult conversations respectfully. And that I have much to learn from all of you.
So basically, this is a blanket apology to any offense committed in the past or future. I wish nothing but good for all of you, my friends.

coasterqueen replied: ((HUGS)) Jeanne. As we were talking earlier I used a poor choice of words by saying I was offended. I actually don't get offended easily.

For those of you who wonder I did lock the thread because I was asked to but I hope that we can have discussions in the future like the one we had. The greatest thing is being able to discuss issues with friends but also be able to walk away from them without getting hurt.

I know I might have used some poor choice of words in my posts and it wasn't my intentions. Sometimes my passion like Jeanne's takes me where others might not understand me. It's in my bones to debate....everyone said I would be a good lawyer...should have been one.

I just hate the thought of not being able to come here and talk to you gals about everything. KWIM?

kimberley replied: Jeanne, i don't think you have anything to apologize for. yes, you have strong views, but from what i am reading... you are not name-calling or trying to offend anyone... you are just voicing your opinion. kudos for that because a lot of people are afraid to speak their mind for fear of the opposition they will face. so i admire your courage and passion and think it would be a real shame if we lost you.

Kaitlin'smom replied: I just had the chance to read the thread, I loved seeing all the opinions, i wish i had gotten the chance to speak my mind, but I missed out. I usually dotn talk about politics because I dont like people arguing with me and not hearing my opinons, and that what i love about it hear, I can state my opion on things and its just that mine. I know on occasion we all word things a bit wrong and potentially offend someone with out intending to, and its easliy cleard up.

oh and Jeanne I love reading your thoughts.....it always gives me something to think about.

Jamison'smama replied: I always avoid these discussions (well posting to them anyway) because I don't always have the ability to state my views in a way as to not offend--Jeanne, I think you actually do it well. I am on the liberal line and yet I can learn from the views of many of the people who post. I think that when we talk politics it is important that we stay respectful--there were only one or two posts that crossed my particular line but may not have crossed others. I just don't think it is necessary to BASH a particular person whom others may support. If we want to state our views or facts great--no matter what side you are on but the actual bashing is what gets people offended and that is where we need to be careful. I think the thread was actually going well..most bashes were ignored and the respectful views were discussed on both sides. I think we did a great job and I was intrigued and motivated to read the discussion (for the most part )

coasterqueen replied:
And you said something that I would like to bring up. Here of all places I'd like to think that if I was bashing someone personally without maybe knowing I'm doing so I'd like to think someone would tell me. I say that because I do get very passionate when I post and I too know that sometimes my posts are probably not worded well to where others might not take what I'm saying the right way. But I can not learn from that and try to better myself in such a way if I'm not told that I might have done something wrong without intentionally trying to do so. Does that make sense? Hee hee.

Jamison'smama replied:
nah, at least I don't think you're a basher..... Just passionate and that's great! The whole "worded well" thing...that's why I avoid these discussions most of the time..I stink at that Don't worry, I think you handled things well.

amynicole21 replied: Jeanne, I usually agree with what you are saying and respect your ability to articulate it. I usually get my blood pressure so high that my eyeballs feel like they are going to burst, and can't express myself to save my life.

I think it is really difficult to discuss things you are passionate about without becoming passionate. Does that make sense? It takes a special talent which I certainly do not possess Must be my fiery Romanian red-headed step-child blood I hope to become better at that

Sorry for starting ANOTHER doozie, guys!

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Jeanne I agree that I would hate to see you go. I have learned so much from you. There may be things I dont' agree with, but you have always taught me to value other's opinions and to atleast 'consider' them. I tend to be close minded at times and knowing you all has helped me see the different sides of various issues discussed.

Boys r us replied: Wow!! You know, I think it was great of you to post this so we weren't all left hanging..thinking maybe we offended someone or someone else thinking they offended us
I for one can say that I was in no way hurt or offended..we were merely discussing the world we live in and how and why we each think things should be differently. I think it's HEALTHY to debate and I would LOVE to see a debate forum created here..if you choose to go to it..then you know you can't have your feelings on your shirt sleeve...and if you know you can't do that, then avoid that particular forum. I think that way we could all who are interested in hearing the other side to our own feelings could go and debate certain things, but this way we wouldn't offend those who happen to just pull up a post and read things we weren't expecting to see. I take full responsibility for even starting this whole debate..and I certainly apologize for that..there is a time and a place for everything and I think my timing was off here. I guess we were all just riled up yesterday!

But really..I love hearing other people's opinions!! It makes me think..am I on the right track with my own thoughts..I can't tell you how many times I've debated things with others and actually changed my mind..even about things I felt passionately for. I think THAT is a beautiful thing...and what's even better is that..we all acted like adults with the thread..there was no name calling or bashing.
But at the sametime I do respect the decision to close it, as a member here those decisions are not mine to make or mine to critisize..so we all just move on!

and Jeanne..don't ever think about leaving this board again ..especially over politics..after all..we're here because we're mommies supporting one another..not because we're all republican or all democratic or all white or all rich or poor...just because we're mommies!

favre4fan replied: I did not get involved in the other post but I did read them all and I thought I would just give you guys a I think everyone has there strong opinions and beliefs and there is no right or wrong to me, everyone is just different and thats what makes the world great, otherwise i would be very bored if we were all the same. Sorry guys i am just a cornball!!

redchief replied: Being conservative by upbringing and by nature I suppose I'm one of those who could be offended by passionate opinions on the other side of the political fence. However, I've not found your posts to be personally offensive and I hope none of mine have been found so either. Everyone has a right to his/her opinion and I believe that respect for those and compromise are what keep all of us moving forward.

I think a world in which everyone thought the same would not only be boring, but would lack the dynamic for humans to progress technically and intellectually.

However, in defense of the moderators I understand their desire to keep these boards on topic (that is; the business and progress of our parenting skills). I also realize that an argument can be made that politics and parenting are intertwined. While that may be true, at some point it becomes obvious that those of differing political views will not see eye to eye with those on the other side of the political spectrum. When that happens, I believe it is in the best interest of the board's health, and the relationships formed here, to close the thread. That's one man's opinion Now I'm off my

kit_kats_mom replied: I had my feelings hurt a while back on a "hot topic debate" but I wouldn't ever call someone on it. I just pretended I didn't see it and tried to give the poster the benefit of the doubt...maybe they were just having a bad day, or being sarchastic without using the "proper" icons to reveal that.

Who knows. I'd never leave it here though. Jeanne, your views parallel mine pretty well but I'm so not informed that I'd feel like a fool posting anything. I"m pretty sure I'd say something totally wrong and then feel stupid. LOL

I love reading the debates because I always learn so much from everyone's POV's.

MommyToAshley replied: Thank you for the apology, but I don't think it was necessary. My first thought was that the thread was fine and everyone was having a civilized debate, discussing the facts and not attacking people. I am sorry that someone felt uncomfortable with the discussion, but then again sometimes I think we need to be exposed to things that are not so comfortable in order to grow and learn, kwim.

However, I would love for this to be a place where all parents feel welcome. I think Jenn said it best when she said,
"There are plenty of places to talk about politics, not so many to talk about spit up."

Jenn, I hope you don't mind that I quoted you.

I would hate to see anyone leave or feel outcasted because of political views.

DansMom replied: Jeanne, don't leave us few holding up the left end of this forum

Whenever I see you've posted, I check what you've said so that I can hear my views expressed more eloquently than I'm able to do.

My2Beauties replied: Jeanne, hugs to you! I didn't find anything offensive that I could see in your posts. Well maybe because we have the same views but I think even if I had different views from yours I wouldn't have found your posts offensive.

I also want to apologize for my "republican" remarks, I tend to let things fly off my tongue without thinking and I didn't want to offend anyone with that neither!!

I am glad that we can all debate here and then look at another post and say "Oh hugs sweetie sorry you don't feel good, or yes my DH blows snot out of his nose too..." We are all mommies, wives, fiance, girlfriends, daddies,...well you know etc etc and we all have one purpose: to raise our children to the best of our abilities and not go insane doing so....this board helps me keep my sanity and I love all of you guys!!!

kit_kats_mom replied:
LOL
My sentiments exactly.

jcc64 replied: Thanks everybody!!

jdkjd replied: Ditto to everyone. I tend to avoid political discussions as I am legendary for lack of tact. But I would hate for us not to have an option to discuss anything. Esp. because so many big issues DO affect our families whether directly or indirectly.

gr33n3y3z replied: I feel some topics are better to have in person because you can see the other persons reactions. But here thats impossable to do. At first when I started chatting in chat rooms many times there were heated conversations and everyone got ticked off and what not. Everyone has an opion to how they feel about a certain subject or this is how I do it. Just because one person may not agree with it does not make the persons views wrong. But like everything else in life everyone should know when to stop. I have not seen any of that on the boards here at least I was was never offened So lets keep up the good work here