as if this day could get any worse...

Jackie012007 wrote: I was checking for a message carl was expecting in his email - he told me to log on and check. I thought I found the message so I clicked it - this is what I found. A conversation going between him and a girl he messed around with (supposedly) before me. He insists its just a conversation - how would you take it?

Erin: Apparently we're a bad match on movie compatibility. But that's okay, at least we'll always have Moulin Rouge.

Carl: We never used to have bad movie compatability now did we?

Nothing beats nights of Moulin Rouge!

Carl: Too bad we couldn't have another Moulin Rouge night huh?

Erin: Yeah or a party at Jake's lol. Those were the days.

Carl: Many nights..... many regrets.... if I could do it again, it may not have ended those nights. If you know what I mean

Erin: I definitely know what you mean. It certainly wasn't for lack of opportunity, lol. things could definitely have gone differently. But we did have some good times anyway.

Carl: No doubt, I don't regret the times we shared, just wish we shared a little more. What I wouldn't give to see you in that lingerie again! rawr

Erin: Haha I still have that lingerie! It's my favorite. There are a lot of things we could have done differently looking back on it. Hindsight is definitely 20/20!

Carl: If you don't mind me asking.... what would you have done differently, I definatly know what I would have done!

Erin: It's hard to say what I would have done differently back then. At the time I wanted more emotionally so I think that held me back a lot more. Had I known you were with the person you were supposed to be with and I would find the person I was supposed to be with, I think I would have been a lot more relaxed about things and just let it happen. But then again, who knows how things would have turned out if we had done things differently. All I know is we made some great memories and it's interesting to think that things easily could have happened differently...



I am disgusted. The wedding is off. I'm tempted to kick him out of the house. I feel so betrayed. I have no friends I can call. I am so lost.

TrulyBlessed replied: ((((((((((Big Hugs)))))) I would be devestated by reading that. I have been with my DH for 10 yrs and he has never once cheated on me or have I ever witnessed e-mails like that. But I still have thoughts of him cheating on me or hitting on another woman. All the men in my family are cheaters, so my mind set is that all men cheat and I am trying to work past that. It would be very hard for me to move on with the wedding plans and already having trust issues after finding that e-mail. ((((((((Many big Hugs)))))) I'm sorry he has hurt you.

Calimama replied: Oh sweetie you deserve so much more respect IMO.

If you want I'll PM you my cell phone number and we can talk. I know it helps me to go to my friends.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: oh jackie i'm so sorry. I'd have been pretty ticked too.

I've BTDT.. if you wanna chat.

ZandersMama replied:

redchief replied: Oh boy... here goes. This looks to me like a former couple, who already know their relationship is over, reminiscing. I know the verbiage reads like desire, but I see it differently. I think if you asked him if he was attracted to this girl he would definitely man up and admit that he was, but I also see from at least her side of the convo, that she has accepted that it was time for her to move on, and she subtly reinforces this on at least two occasions.

If I were you I wouldn't worry about anything between these two, but I would delve into whether he finds you physically attractive, and what you can do to keep the spark lit in your relationship. As far as your wedding is concerned, you obviously have trust issues with Carl. These need to be fully worked out before you make a marriage commitment, IMO. Marriage doesn't cause trust or fidelity. If you're concerned about Carl's commitment to you, then you need to work that out.

Kentuckychick replied:


I agree to an extent...
I do think it's important to talk this out. Frankly I think if we all think about it we'd be hardpressed not to have some sort of wondering about a past relationship and how things would have gone. However... I don't think he should be talking to her in this manner because it's not fair to you.

I still have a physical attraction to my ex (afterall I did date him ) and we've had a lot of "what if" conversations but we both know that our relationship was not meant to be and that it won't be.

Teesa®© replied: Awww, poor Jackie. I'm sorry that happened to you

I don't have any advice other than to agree with what's been said about talking to him about it.

I'll share one of my bad days, maybe it'll give you a laugh and you'll feel a little better.

In one morning, I went to do a load of laundry. I started it up and then went to make a pot of coffee. While the coffee was perking, I filled up my pail to wash my floors. Did my floors, but they didn't look right... realized I forgot to put in the Mr. Clean. Had to do the floors AGAIN! [my whole house is hardwood floors [living room, dining room, den, 2 hallways, 2 sets of stairs, 3 bedrooms, 4 closets]] Went up to check the laundry. Washer is long done it's cycle now, opened it up.... NO CLOTHES!!! I ran the whole thing and forgot to put the blasted clothes in!!! Now I'm ticked. Go down to enjoy a coffee.... the pot is done... no coffee?!?!?! I forgot to put the freaking coffee in the pot!!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGG!!!!

I went back to bed.

sparkys2boys replied: Did you aks him about it all? I would talk to him and then tell him how it made you feel

lovemy2 replied: I'm sorry - that stinks to read/find out about something like that - I agree to some extent with Ed - and I also wonder why he gave you his password, etc. to his email knowing that was in there - kinda like he wanted you to find it...or did you have to dig around to find it?

MommyToAshley replied: I'm sorry.

mckayleesmom replied: Here is my opinion...

Reminising I wouldn't have a problem with.....The lingerie thing is where he totally crossed the line....1. Nobody wants to think of their spouse/boyfriend imagine someone else in lingerie 2. Nobody wants to hear or read that they do 3. We know they do imagine sometimes, but they are usually smart enough to keep it to themselves.

Did you check the date on the email?....I ask because I was looking for something in Leithans email one time and got totally pissed when I read an email from a girl in Korea (dh was stationed there and had dated a girl there). I was irritated, but he didn't reply. When he got home I said "who the heck is so and so"? ....He said "Brianne, did you read the date on the email?".....I looked and it was like 2 years before we met....

DillsMommy replied:
That's what I was thinking....

3xsthefun replied:

A&A'smommy replied: I'm SO sorry honey BUT I think you REALLY need to talk to him first before you come to anything conclusions or decisions!!!

luvmykids replied: It looks more like an IM chat that got saved than an email, is there a chance it's old? I agree with talking to him before making any big decisions. I'm sure it was devastating but I think given the fact that he gave you his password, there must be more to the story

MoonMama replied: Oh honey I am SOOO sorry! You deserve so much better then that! I would be so far beyond livid. I'm here if you need to talk or vent at all.

HuskerMom replied:

Jackie012007 replied: what it was, was a conversation on Facebook. I clicked the link and it took me to the conversation.

We talked last night - at first he said it was just an innocent conversation but when I told him I was REALLY unimpressed with the lingerie comment, then he agreed that he had gone overboard. He said he is a little bored and guesses that is why he was flirting.

I am really hurt, but I think I overreacted a little - I was just so shocked and had that heart sinking into your butt feeling. He took a personal day from work today and we are trying to figure out where we are going to go from here.

I know the girl, and she's a ho. She tried to get with Carl when we first started dating - apparently we started dating right after he hooked up with her. Oh and the date was the end of February of this year, I had the presence of mind to at least check that!!!

So yeah, I dunno what will happen...

Cece00 replied: That would be totally unacceptable to me. My ex did stuff like that...and more...thats why he's my EX.

My3LilMonkeys replied:

luvbug00 replied:

austins mom replied: That sucks.. I hope it works out for you and you make yourself happy.

My2Beauties replied: FWIW, trust is a big thing with me. I have a hard time trusting people, I hate being lied to and I hate to have something go on behind my back. While the converstaion does sound like they were reminiscing and they both knew that it was over for good.....the fact that they were having that "what if" conversation would be enough to make me double think his commitment to me. To me, marriage is the biggest commitment there is. There are no what-if's, there is no turning back. I think about my ex that I was with for 6 years, sure. But I don't think well what if this would have been different, what if that, boy I miss this I miss that. I think about him wondering if he's doing well, if he's found someone etc...I never looked back and I am completely devoted to my husband. I guess I take things like this much more seriously than some would, I would totally be out the door, but that's just me. If he's already saying he's bored and wanting to flirt, you guys have some major talking to do!

grapfruit replied: Oh honey I'm sorry. I agree w/what everyone said on here. It sounds like it's in the past, but honestly, there should be limited conversations of that caliber IMO. I've "talked" to my ex a few times (here lately actually). More so b/c he needs to "work through us" to have a good relationship w/his ex (baby's mama). That's fine. He actually revolts me now. (feels good to say that). But my point is, when I do talk to him/see him I make it understood that Tim WILL be there for meetings (they used to be best friends) and that it is VERY clear that I am with the person I want to be with, there's no going back down that road.

IMO, if she feels the need to talk to him, fine. But he better have you sitting there with him. KWIM? Tim trusts me, he knows that's a road I don't want to travel, so he's actually ok w/me talking to him etc. It's me that puts the stipulation out there that he needs to be there. Why give a reason for tongues to wag?

Whatever happens, if you need somebody to talk to, just PM me, I'll send you my phone number. I have VOIP so I can talk all day

mckayleesmom replied:
Ditto.....like I said....reminesing is one thing......but he clearly crossed the line.


Thought you could use this to get some perspective from others and some support.

www.survivingfidelity.com