can i just rant out? - feel free to ignore

ZandersMama wrote: I love zavier so much. I am so proud of him and all that he pulled through and all that he has accomplished.

I hate autism. I hear some people say autism is what makes their children who they are, and they wouldn't change it. That we need to teach acceptence, not do therapy to change them. I totally wish I could be like them but i'm not. I feel so inadequate to deal with all the issues.I just want to go for grocerys without a meltdown because the store moved where they keep something so its WRONG. Or a freak out in Church because 4 pews ahead of us the books are in the wrong order. I want to attend a Church service and know what's going on instead of trying to talk him out from under the pew because he doesn't "like the way the man behind us looks"

I WANT A NORMAL LIFE WITH MY SONS!! I want to sleep at night knowing he will stay safe in bed rather then listen for the inside alarms i had installed since he takes off whenever he gets a chance.

I can't cook eggs in my house. He throws up when he smells them. Same goes for pretty much anything with a strong smell. Can't eat at restaurants either because there is always the risk that someone at a table close will order something he doesn't like the look of, smell of , ect and he will be throwing up at the table. Somedays I just want to cry. Today is one of those days. I want him to be able to enjoy life without being always being in pain from his environment. I want him to be able to lay in the grass and look at the clouds, rather then being scared of the way the grass feels on his arms. I want him to be able to make a mess and get dirty and muddy and wet in the yard and enjoy it. Instead it sends him into a complete panic. I want him to have fun and be happy and i hate that i can't just fix it all for him Anyway, thanks for reading, really needed to have a freak out. Back to being supermom.

boyohboyohboy replied: I'm so sorry! you are having a perfectly normal reaction. It sounds like a great loving, caring mom who could use a break. Can you take a break even if it's just a few hours to shop or go out and eat in peace? Maybe a otter or family? I'm sure a sitter who can resound to your needs is hard to find but just two hours might even help.

He is living his normal. And you are doing all you can to adjust the world for him to live in it, but you don't have to give up your normal too. All Mommy's need a break to continue to be at their best.

mummy2girls replied: I am so sorry you are feeling this way! You are feeling like you do need a break. You are giuving the world to your son the way he needs it to be comfortable and it takes alot.... You need to also take that break and be you even if its just for an hour so you can go grocery shop alone. My me time away from my life as a mom and dayhome provider is grocery shop. To just be by myself and I love that time. Do you know anyone that could take your sons? sitter? family?

Marcus knows the stress and how hard that can be as he works with autistic childrfen of many ages... He comes home drained alot of teh time so i can imagine what you are feeling because at least he gets a break from that. Do you know of any groups where you can go talk and vent to other moms that have autistic kids? maby they can help with what your feeling....

(((HUGS)))

ZandersMama replied: Thanks ladies, i do get breaks, i just hate that we can't do the normal everyday family stuff together. I hate that for things to run smooth, he has to be left out. My heart breaks for Zander, who can't do normal brother stuff, and Zavier, who gets left out so much and doesn't understand why. pity party for me today, tomorrow will be a better day

MommyToAshley replied: ((((HUGS))))

I am sorry you are having one of those days. It sounds to me that you are feeling guilty for how you are feeling/thinking, but try not to feel guilty as it doesn't mean that you love him any less. You are a great Mom, and like all great Moms, you want what is best for your child.

I am glad you feel like you can come and rant with us. We're here for the good and the bad times, and even the ranting. I am glad we can be your person to lean on. And, I get what you are saying and find myself thinking that I feel that way myself sometimes about some things even though Ashley doesn't have autism. But I wonder if it would also be helpful to join a group in your area for parents of kids with autism.... you could talk with other Moms that feel the same way and understand because they have been there too. Just a thought.

I have a good friend (that was also Ashley's preschool teacher) and she's been an advocate in changing some of the laws surrounding autism. I know that she gets frustrated sometimes but I think she holds that back from her friends that don't have kids with autism. I can put you in contact with her if you'd like to just talk with another Mom.

youngmomofone replied: I'm so sorry you are going through so much parenting special needs children is not easy at all .

And I totally get you when you say you wish he could have a normal life. I wish that for my daughter as well. I do cry, a lot. It's not fair that these kids are living with so much stress in their lives

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I'm sorry! I can't imagine how hard it must be, especially seeing him miss out on so much. Feel free to rant any time! Sometimes we all need a good rant and cry to let off some of the pressure and find the strength to keep going.

luvbug00 replied:

msoulz replied:

ZandersMama replied: Thanks ladies, i'm so happy i can come here and freak out and not be judged Today was better, we went for a swim at the pool and played outside all day, he had a very good day. And when he has a good day EVERYONE has a good day. Their father even took them for an hour and I got to get a bath alone

coasterqueen replied: I can't imagine what you go through. I often complain of having to deal with Megan's sensory disorders, and forget that there are others out there that have to deal with much much more. One of Kylie's friends is autistic and his mother and I get together when we can just to "lean" on each other, her moreso than me. It's nice we can talk and just rant about things. You are a strong woman.

BTW, I have been meaning to tell you that the friend I spoke about above, well she has a therapist drive from St. Louis to Springfield, so about 2 hours for her sons therapy. Well this therapist asked Kylie to be a part of his therapy. She went over there on a day they had no school and participated in the therapy and this therapist wants her to be part of it more. Apparently it was such a success for him that they want to continue and they are taking this to the school to try to get more kids to participate. Pretty neat that this therapist is including some of his classmates to help participate in his therapy.

CantWait replied: