deal breaker? - religion ment'd

kimberley wrote: so i was just thinking about the meeting i had with Fr. Frank about blessing my marriage in the church and he basically asked dh and i some questions seperately to see if we came up with similar answers. anyways, i was fine until one question...

what do you think is a good reason to end your marriage?

i faltered because i always believed the catholic church frowned on divorce but reality kinda blurted out an answer of infidelity and abuse.

he could tell i was uncomfortable with the question and my own answer and told me that while the church doesn't believe in divorce, they DO believe there are plenty of reasons a couple should separate for however long necessary. maybe i am naive, but i just assumed separation was frowned upon also.. that the Christian thing to do is "turn the other cheek" and keep loving the person "for better or worse".

so i am curious, what is your deal breaker?

C&K*s Mommie replied: Any for of abuse. Either against me, and especially my children.

boyohboyohboy replied: i agree, abuse against my children especially

booey2 replied: Abuse and/or infidelity. Coming from an abusive and broken home (due to infidelity) I won't stand for either and he knows it.

Kaitlin'smom replied: deffianlty any form of abuse, other than that I am not sure. Both sisters have divorced once and for different reasons. So I am not sure what else might be my breaking point.

luvbug00 replied: Abuse and/or infidelity

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I agree adultery or abuse!

PrairieMom replied:
We have a responisbility to teach our children what is okay in a relationship and what is not.

skinkybaby replied: Abuse and any kind of drug/alcohol abuse

Infedility- would have to depend on the type whether I wanted to put the work into trying and fixing everything

Cece00 replied: Abuse and Infidelity, like most ppl said. I respect myself too much to "turn the other cheek".

gr33n3y3z replied: Abuse including mental ,igerance and or infidelity

TANNER'S MOM replied: I agree on abuse..especially to my children.

Humm total lack of disrespect in whatever form would do it for me too. Could mean cheating, could mean lying.. whatever.. made me feel like crap all the time.. which is another form of abuse

Boo&BugsMom replied: Abuse that can not be resolved and infidelity. There is even a verse in the Bible that deals with infidelity and divorce.

CantWait replied: Abuse.

I have to say also Kimberley that by speaking with a couple either pastor or priests in the last couple years that parts of the church or some leaders of the church (priests etc) are becoming more lax. I'll copy and paste what a dnd priest recently e-mailed me after I had doubts as to who he really was....long story, but if you really want to know, just ask.

CantWait replied: "Here's another thing you never thought you'd hear from a Padre.. Its ok NOT to go to church.

Church is great for community and the lessons from the ministers.. but at times its not right
for everyone. The politics and ... ppl not living a christian life and yet preaching it can be
frusterating.

I don't go preaching the bible to everyone I meet either. Only when people ask. I prefer to use
myself as a vehicle of ministry. This is what a Christian is (me and my .. good actions.. minus my swearing)
and when people like what they see and ask how... I explain its because I lead a good christian
life and by the teachings of... and then tell them. I let them ask through my example.

And thats what your doing. and thats fine. So don't beat yourself up (if its bothering you) about not
going to church. Eventually we all come back.. and even then not necessarily to the same church
or denomination. I went from United to Anglican on my return.

I think its perfectly normal what you told me and I understand completely. I think you're a good person

anyways... now it seems like I am preaching...

but i just wanted to re-assure you... its ok. Being loyal to god is important and you fulfill that. How we
do it is as individual as each persons faith. And faith grows over time and how we worship grows and
changes too. So no matter what anyone tells you... you're still a good christian.
(i know.. you weren't saying you weren't a good christian.. i'm shouldn't be allowed to write emails
after I wake up in the morning... snicker)

God bless.. its been a pleasure chatting

Any questions at any time.. feel free to write...

Blessings

Eric"

A lot of what I was trying to explain there wasn't there, I must have deleted that e-mail.

Sorry, I hope it helped a little though as to why his answer surprised you.

CantWait replied: The other one, I knew I had it.

" was wondering if it was my MSN names.. that changed last night a few times
while teasing my girlfriend. Some of them were innappropriate in a... social or
outdoor context.. but in a personal one on one with her.. they were fine.. but
MSN names show to everyone and I forget when I'm alone in my room on my
computer I still am touching out to man people.

Being an ordained minister of any denomination is difficult these days. To which
standard of Padre does one hold themselves too. Catholics tend to hold their
chaplains in high regard while say the United church see ministers as their equal.

Some people expect chaplains to be pious while others allow for some lenience.

I know myself well enough to know i'm very low brow in my humour. Probably being
a former Master Corporal and serving as a medic my views are quite affected by
what i've seen and experienced. Then being called to Ministry, the change is tremendous
and I have been fighting many of my old ways. I can never change to be the picture perfect
ideal minister, but.... god doesn't want me to be. That type of minister will never fly in the
canadian army and the troops will walk away. So, unorthodox as I may be, I have a good
match being in the army.

BUT... I still cross the line. And I was afraid in this situation I had done so. It's very difficult
to remove previous bad character traits and I work hard at it but I still have my bad moments.

The reason I was immediately concearned is because your post referred to talk/type from
Padre's and I figured you haven't likely TYPED to many if any padres in the last while. So
I figured I had done something.

Many Padres I know are very relaxed but tend to hide it better than I do. Still something I
need to learn.

As a healer, the last thing I want to do is hurt the ones I tend to.

Sorry about the long letter. Just wanted you to know where I was coming from and why I
reacted quickly. My flock is my life so I still need to learn and grow.

I hope things go well and your husband returns home soon.

Blessings

Eric"

CantWait replied: Sorry if this wasn't the info you were actually looking for, I thought it would be interesting to share because of the nature of your question.

redchief replied: For what it's worth, I don't think your answer to Fr. Frank is going to be a problem for your marriage blessing. The questions he asked go to your state of mind and your commitment to your DH and your sacramental commitment to the Church. The Church does realize that there are conditions which could cause the dissolution of a marriage.

On your question, abuse and infidelity are the two reasons I would consider annulment.

Mommy2Isabella replied: I would have to say Abuse. Infidelity, we have talked about, he would be one less a member and still have to please me ... MWHAHAHAHA ...