decency standards - how do i protect my child?

maryanne wrote: I realize I may come off sounding like a prude, but I am finding it harder and harder to give my 6 year-old son Tristen an even somewhat wholesome upbringing with society's standards these days. It often feels like there are no standards. I can think of many recent examples where Ive felt this way, but none more disturbing than something which happened last week. I was with Tristen and my husband on the beach, and Tristen and I took a walk. Suddenly I noticed two women tanning to our left with their bottoms uncovered. Albeit we were in a more remote, uncrowded section of the beach, but it is in no way a nude beach, and it is very popular among families with small children. Luckily before Tristen could notice, I redirected his attention to the opposite direction. I told him "lets run back to daddy" and he began running back towards my husband whom we could see in the distance. In the end, he didnt see anything, and I was very glad for that. I really believe that to have these kinds of images put in his head at a very young age could affect the way he thinks about women. On this beach in particular I, as well as other mothers, have seen this kind of thing before and have tried filing complaints with the police to let them know they should start cracking down on this kind of thing. These complaints are never taken seriously and nothing has been done. This time, I decided to quickly snap a picture (nobody noticed as I think they were asleep) in order to physically show the police what we are talking about. The next week I filed another complaint and showed them the picture. Again they pretty much just rolled their eyes and insinuated "Theres nothing we can do about" etc. With even the police unwilling to help, I feel like Im out of options. Now I dont even feel safe taking my son to the neighborhood beach, and thats very sad. I realize this may sound like and overreaction so Im attaching the picture to show you guys exactly what Im talking about. I sincerely hope no one is offended- I know it is all adults here, and by adult standards I dont believe this picture is too offensive...

Does anyone have any ideas on what I can do about this?

EDIT: the picture has been removed because this is a G-rated family board and this type of thing is not accepted here.

maryanne replied: Sorry, I realize this is a heavy post for being my first one. I found this site through a web search and wanted the opinion of other parents...

Alice replied: Hi, and welcome!

Would a letter to the editor of your local paper be in line? It wouldn't change the ones who are beligerant about "their rights" to do whatever they want. But it might present a different point of view to the people who just never thought about the families sharing the beach with them.

TeagansMom609 replied: Wow, see you must be alot more reserved then I am because I would have went over and said something. I would have said ahem, excuse me, can you put your a** away?! Then I would tell them what pigs they look like for having their as** hanging out on the beach. Good luck with that one. If the cops wont do anything its time for people on the beach to start saying something to people who are doing it.

maryanne replied:
Unfortunately, both my husband and I are not good at being confrontational...I would have liked to have said that though. I did forget to mention that the cops promised they would fine people whom they found doing these kinds of things, but they insisted there was no way they could patrol the beaches 24 hours a day, etc, etc. I suppose you are right, it is probably best to say something to them and let them know that it is not OK.

gr33n3y3z replied: Well if you sign the report the cops have to do something about it
Next time call from the beach and tell the dispatcher You are signing the report and the cops have to do something.

If its not a nude beach then no butt crack

maryanne replied:
By the way, thanks for the welcome ...

amymom replied: Welcome to the forum.

I agree with you, I would not want my son or daughter to walk upon this, AND I would not want my daughter or son to think it is ok to do. I would have said something but like you said, your first thought was to get your son away from there... Good thinking. I feel that is inappropriate for a family beach. Are there lifeguards that could have done something? Decency on our public beaches is one of the things that lifeguards are supposed to enforce here in New York State.

Letter to the Editor may make a difference.

Jamielou replied:
Exactly what i was thinking if its not a nude beach then there should be a fine and also i would be angry enough that i probably would have said something but it wouldnt do any good because obviously they dont respect the fact that they are on a public beach and kids will be around... I wouldnt give up on the police thing either I would call them from the beach

mom21kid2dogs replied: I saw the pics but didn't have time to respond earlier. I think I'd have no problem making up a bunch of signs with that lovely picture and the caption "If you see these a**es on the beach again, please cover them up!" Maybe their parents will see what their kiddos are up to. They looked like teens to me!! That sight would have definately offended me!! Hope they got a sunburn!

My2Beauties replied: Wow - I didn't see the pics as they have been deleted but I can only imagine girls laying there with their bare butts for everyone to see! You know it comes to a point where you have to just explain to your kids that what some people find ok really isn't ok! I mean at his age I agree with the way you handled things, just move his attention somewhere else, but as he gets older you're going to find so many more things in this world offensive, as all mothers do on a daily basis and you're just going to have to explain to him your morals, values, and outlooks on that type of thing. He's going to see it one day whie you're not around is what I'm saying! So he needs to know that just because some people do it doesn't make it right or cool!

Also, I would have said somethign to those girls myself! I would have made it blatantly clear that I didn't appreciate seeing their butts myself much less my small child then I would have told them I was calling the police if they didn't cover-up!

maryanne replied:
Well, the the problem is that its mostly things like buttcrack (or in this case, the entire butt) or someones top not fitting right...these days these things are not considered nudity anymore so many people, including the police, dont take it seriously. However, I dont want my son seeing it. The people who do this are just selfish in my opinion. These girls wanted their rear ends to be tanned and they didnt care if other people, including small children, had to see it in the process. They obviously do not think or care about others. As one poster said, I know he will see things later in his life that I dont want him to see. But when he's six years old and so easily influenced, I want to keep him away from this as much as possible.

maryanne replied:
There are lifeguards, but this was a more secluded part of the beach. By no means deserted, but not a crowded beach area.

kit_kats_mom replied: ROFLMBO. I saw the pic earlier but couldn't post. First, I can understand wanting tan buns but wouldn't doing it that way give you really wierd tan lines where the suit is pulled down over the back of the thighs?

I dont' know what I would have done. I mean, are thongs legal on that beach? If so, it's really no different...just more tacky.

maryanne replied: Thanks to everyone for the responses...Ive decided that if I encounter something like this again Ill say something right away, and if nothing is done, Ill call the police on the spot as someone suggested...Hopefully I wont have to

jcc64 replied: I guess I think every "questionable" situation, whether it be on t.v., at the beach, in the mall, song lyrics, whatever- is a good opportunity to share your ideas and morals with your kids, as LeaAnn pointed out. I'm of the opinion that it's a big world out there, and your ideas about what is and isn't acceptable may be most objectionable or offensive to someone else. And so, rather than taking on the world, and trying to remake it in my image, I prefer to arm my child with my own ideas about whatever situation he/she may be encountering at the time, and hopefully he/she will come away having learned something positive or helpful.
And for what it's worth, imo there are far worse things for my children to witness than a couple of naked butts. They might stare, snicker, or laugh out loud, but I hardly think they'd be scarred for life.

Maddie&EthansMom replied:
I think Jeanne said it best.