does anyone know or have an idea?? - * may be sen. topic* several case q's

luvbug00 wrote: how smoking effects a child coustody case?? I would think it would hold minor to no standing in most cases, but I think it may with ours. As you all know Mya's dad and his GF smokes and Mya has very bad asmah. She is on meds and has a nebbie for emergancies. When she comes home after a visit with them she REAKS of smoke. They of course deny smoking arround her but mya says otherwise. Do you think this will hold any weight on the case??
Also when mya has gone to her dad's in the past i sent her meds with her. He would either forget to bring them back or i'd never see them again. So i stopped i asked him to ask her dr. for his own percriptions and do a set for his house. he never did and i stopped sending my stash over because i can't afford to keep buying them. Would you count that as bad parenting?
I'm just freaking out becuase i really want to make sure i can show that i have mya's best interests at heart. I have so much paperwork to do and I am so worried about the outcome of all this.

Crystalina replied: My sister went through this. Her ex and their entire family smoke like crazy and one of her sons has asthma. It made a difference when it came to where he has visitation due to the severe asthma Jake has. Whenever he left his dad's house he would have to go to the hospital a day or so after for breathing treatments. Dad was no longer allowed to smoke around him or take him into a house that had smoke and as long as he was willing to do those things it did not hinder his visitation at all.

luvmykids replied: I don't know from experience but I would think it would be along the lines of what Crystal said...that if Brad agrees not to smoke around here it will pretty much end there.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: If Brad agrees not to smoke around her it should end there IF there is a documented reason for the court to even order that he do so (ie. Doctors notes on days after visits,hospital stays,etc) Things like that get very sticky though. It can turn into a she said/he said battle very quickly. Most family attnys. don't encourage the finger pointing and accusations because it opens a door for him to do the same to you.

PrairieMom replied: I def. think that them smoking at all, even if it isn't "around" Mya could count against them, as the toxins that would set off an attack stay in their clothes, and in their house and cars, even if they aren't actively smoking.
I also think that it could count against you to send your asthmatic child into a situation where you KNOW that she could potentially have issues without her medications. that could be a very dangerous situation.

luvbug00 replied:

I agree but i think the fact that i just found out about him makes it a little more fair tward me not to mention that mya does carry her rescue and epi in her backpack when i drop her off since i found out. We have been fortunate enough to not use either even though i doubt he even knows all her allergies. I also don't want to hold her from him because that would work against me too.

Cece00 replied: Has she ever had an asthma attack at his house? Has she ever had one at yours?

Honestly, I think it probably will carry very little, if any, weight at this point. A court is probably unlikely to rule on that at this point.

They also see a lot of this type of stuff from CP's who are trying to find reasons to keep the contact with kids with the NCP to a min. so they may think that in this case if there is no real compelling evidence that she's going to have problems over there...

In other words, saying "She has asthma" may not be good enough, even if a Dr writes a note.

Of course, its really up to the judge & their opinions so who knows.

I think they will def. look down on the fact that you arent sending her meds. It would be as simple as getting a 2nd prescription from her dr, filling it, and giving it to Brad to keep at his house so you each have meds. I really think you need to rethink that one.


ETA: The reason I am saying I dont think it will matter is b/c of a firsthand situation. Without going into too much detail...

Child has very bad respiratory issues, in fact, chronic ones, including asthma. This is due to her CUSTODIAL MOTHER smoking around her, constantly. Even in a car with the windows rolled up. Child has been in the ER or hospital over 20 times (large majority b/c of some sort of respiratory illness) in less than 4 yrs.

NCP father sues for custody due to medical neglect on mother's part and because the mother is just a crappy mother all around.

Court completely overlooks a FOUR INCH stack of medical records that prove mother smokes around child, and shows illnesses & how chronic problem is.

Court deems mother "good enough", father loses case. Chronic illness is now worse than ever, mothers neglect continues worse than ever, court & CPS (who mother has been investigated by) does nothing.

Teesa®© replied: I don't know about this. All I keep thinking of is how everyone is banning smoking here and banning smoking there. The main reason for banning smoking in cars was to protect children.

On the other hand, "pointing fingers" and "he said/she said" is valid, even if the lawyer wanted to do something, his/her hands may be tied.

My SIL tried her darndest to get supervised access with her ex because he drank and drove. With her children in the car. There was nothing she could do without "proof". Her DS told them he would drink and drive with them in the car, but it wasn't proof enough. She ended up calling the police every time he was to drop them off because she knew he'd be drunk, but nothing really came of it.

You can always talk to your lawyer and find out what can be done, and if nothing really can, can you not force the issue of him only having supervised access somewhere where YOU feel comfortable? Somewhere where he can't smoke? Your parents' house, a friends... maybe even your church?

jcc64 replied: In legal terms, I just don't know. In moral terms, I don't know how you could knowingly compromise your child's health in such a blatant way. I'm shocked that it wouldn't be a legal issue, tbh. It's his responsibility to ensure good health for her, and if she has asthma, it's the single worst thing he could be doing to her. I'd pursue it, personally. It's also your responsibility to keep her safe, and as someone else said, it may come back around to you for knowingly putting your kid into an unhealthy environment. If the case is unwinnable, so be it, but at least you'll have gone on record, kwim?
About not sending the meds, do you mean that she's w/o any rescue inhalers when she's over there? That's pretty risky, imo, depending on how bad her asthma is. I don't let my ds go anywhere w/o an inhaler, and he pretty much never even uses it anymore. Asthma is nothing to mess around with. My kids' ped died from an untreated asthma attack.

luvbug00 replied: .

I don't think it's that simple. I'm spending $130 a round on thease meds and i can not afford a round for him every time. he has gone out recently since zertec is over the counter and bought that but he's too lazy to get his tucas in to her dr.'s. the office is litterly 5 min from his work. So NO i'm not gonna hold his hand, he should be modivated enough to want to get his daughter meds on his own.

luvmykids replied:
How often is she there? I was under the impression that she's not there much so wouldn't the meds there last her awhile?

luvbug00 replied:

every weekend. friday and saterday.
every other weekend ALL weekend.

Cece00 replied:
You shouldnt have to hold his hand but in this case, for the sake of Mya, I would still recommend that.

I have a son who takes meds every day & I would never send him over there without them. JMO.