help Dh's nerves - big "V"

boyohboyohboy wrote: My Dh and I agreed that after this baby he would get the big "v". we are done with having kids after this one, three is a large enough family..
we dont want to spread ourselves to thin. anyway, now that its time, he is getting more and more nervous. I said I would rather he just got it done now that we are pregnant. and he said he wants to wait until I am far enough along so if I end up with a c section I can just get my tubes tied...
how do I make him feel more comfortable about this?
and is it best for me to just make the appt and send him, or let him do it on his own..when it might never get done.?

booey2 replied: Sorry hun, we are in the same boat here. We are done with 2 and hubby still has yet to make the appointment. I have thought about going ahead and making it myself but I just think that if it was me having to have something like that done I really wouldn't want anyone else setting it up for me. I am of no help, just wanted to tell you that you are not alone.

cameragirl21 replied: This is JMHO but i'm uneasy about anything that permanently takes away one's ability to reproduce. Sometimes, God forbid, a woman is diagnosed with ovarian cancer or something like that and has no choice but to get a hysterectomy but if a person is healthy, i feel you should always consider that circumstances and hearts may change.
I'm a big believer in intuition and i feel if someone really resists doing this, like your DH maybe in his gut he feels there may be a reason down the line to hold on to his ability to have a child...?
again, JMHO.

3xsthefun replied: We are kind of in the same situation. But I have heard that here I am not sure if it is everywhere. That the man has to wait 6 months before they can have a "V" done if their spouse is pregnant. Not sure if it is true or not?

boyohboyohboy replied: he is scared to death of dr's hospitals, dentists, you name it, he wouldnt even take his dog to the vet....
he said he wants to get it done, but he is afraid of pain.

he was terrible at the birth, he really was so antsy...

TheOaf66 replied: that is a toughie that I had some trouble with as well. I have not done it yet but I was very concerned with that too. Then I decided that since she was going through child birth and it was a easier procedure for me to get it done that when we know this baby comes out healthy then I will get the dreaded V

MyBlueEyedBabies replied: dh had it done when I was pregnant with Johnny...Sorry no advise he was so excited to have it done he was giddy when that second line showed up because he could make the appt.

coasterqueen replied:
Same here. DH and I don't want anymore children but he won't go get it done. His problem is he doesn't want it to hurt. Like birthing 2 children didn't hurt. I told him it's his chance then, if we get pg again it's his fault.

Cece00 replied: I kind of have to laugh @ men who are afraid to get a vasectomy. I've been told by more than one man it really doesnt hurt, its slightly uncomfortable. I think men and just AFRAID it will hurt and perpetuate this "OMG, its going to hurt so bad" myth in their heads.

Why dont you make him an appt for a consultation only and the dr can make him feel assured?

booey2 replied:
Yep that is hubby's reasoning and we have our fair share of scares, waiting while AF was late.

coasterqueen replied:
Yep, so have we. At least I know Ryan is with me on never going back on birth control pills so I don't have to have that argument with him.

jem0622 replied: My DH got the big 'V' shortly after the girls were born. Just keep the frozen peas handy. I have known of it to go smoothly and not so smoothly. I think that he needs to handle this one.

msoulz replied: I'd wait until after the birth and the baby is screaming for many nights in a row, then he will be running to the doctor!!!

It's so much less risky for the man to have it done than to have your tubes tied - I say stick to your guns and let him step up on this one.

TANNER'S MOM replied: Well my ex had it done.. and it didnt work out so well for us b/c we got divorced and now he can't children with the woman he has lived with for 9 yrs.. I do feel some guilt for that.

Now I watched the whole thing.. I never left the room..and it was so painful.. didn't take near as long as child birth. The doctor said when I pull here you will feel it low in your stomach..and he groaned then..but said it wasn't so bad.

I say sit him down and say I am gonna call for a consultation while you are sittign here with me..

CantWait replied: Well I kind of agree with him, but only for the time being. You never know what's going to happen in childbirth, and if you do end of having a C, it could easily get done then. It just means that he's going to have to wade on you hand and foot after (not that he shouldn't anyway ), not to mention anything else, and i don't mean to sound pesimistic in anyway.

I don't see no harm in making a consultation, but anything after that is entirely up to him and really there's no way of forcing him through the actual procedure whether you make the appointment for him or not.

I've heard of one friend of ours that had a horrible experience with it, although I don't think that's the norm.

DH doesn't want to get it done either, I refuse to go in though, as I want more kids and don't feel stable in our relationship.

Ok enough Good Luck.

lesliesmom replied: Okay. Here's a topic I actually can comment on. DH just had his V back in December. I originally had to make the initial appointment to learn about the procedure and sign off on it. DH went back and forth about how he felt about it but agreed that it was much easier for him to go through than for me to have my tubes tied or anything. And with his age (he is 42) and since he has 4 kids (1 from a previous marriage and we have 3) we decided we were done with kids. From what DH has told me there is no difference in how things "work" - this was a concern from DH (my husband actually says the sensations are more heightened now). Just be there for him and, as mentioned keep those peas handy. 20 minutes on 20 minutes off for first few hours. My DH was up and about the next day. Didn't really have any side effects or problems...

Good luck.

Calimama replied: Personally I would not make the appointment for him or force him to go. That's a big step that that he'll have to do when he feels the time is right. Good luck and I hope the procedure is painless, simple, and quick!

grapfruit replied:
Actually, my best friends husband had this done after their third, and he had a horrible time w/it. Apparently the local anesthesia started to wear off 1/2 way through and he could FEEL it the entire time. He said it was extremely painful and couldn't even walk the next day. It took him over a week to wear jeans. I know it's not funny, but we laughed at him anyway. I'm sure part of it was him being a woosie.

Boo&BugsMom replied: I'll have to give my hubby props because he is the one who suggested he get the big ole V after this one. However, I did tell him I wanted him to wait until after this one is born and out of the SIDS stage at least or maybe when he's a year old. Not to sound grim, but you just never know if you'll have a miscarriage, still birth, etc. If I had a miscarriage I would still want to have another one, I think.