ignorant!! - vent

kimberley wrote: what is wrong with people?!

i know we are not in the best financial situation but we are managing and certainly have all the necessities. but because of that.. does that give other people the right to be rude and pass judgement?!

a friend IM's me on MSN yesterday going on about how cute Kaleigh is and that she looks like me. i thought that was nice. THEN she continues to say rudely "you better shut down the baby factory now"

a couple of hours later, my best friend calls to say hi and also has the same comments about Kaleigh looking like me and then said "now you got one that looks like you. keep your legs closed" I WAS LIVID!!!!!!!

i am not stupid. i get that more kids means more money but isn't that MY decision??? they are acting like i should be sterilized cuz i am not rich! if God sees fit to bless me with more kids, shouldn't we revel in that instead of acting like i committed a crime or contracted a vile disease?? what is with the prejudice against large families???? i am not usually one to hold a grudge but i can't help feeling angry and hurt by their comments. i am not a dog that you get fixed!

booey2 replied: Hugs to you, that rude, mean and totally uncalled for. Your friends of all people shouldn't be saying things like this to you. I believe we are only blessed with what we can handle.

MomToMany replied: OMG, I would be SO LIVID!! As a mom of many, I've had my fair share, but nothing as hurtful as that. I'm so sorry that they said those hurtful things to you Kimberley . I've learned to just let them slide right on by, knowing that they are probably just jealous .

And more kids doesn't necessarily mean more money. We buy in bulk at Sam's Club, most of the kids' clothes are used, but we are happy & healthy. So what if they don't wear brand names, or get every single thing they want? They are learning valuable lessons from that, and hopefully they will learn they have to work hard to get the things they want.

You're a wonderful Mommy, and if you're meant to have a dozen kids, then you will be blessed 12x more than they will ever know.

TeagansMom609 replied: I cant stand that! Like its anyones business. I have been getting the same crap from my DH's family ever since I got pregnant. Because my DH has 2 children besides are own his family thinks I should stop having kids. Dont you wish people would just keep their comments to themselves?! Grrr...

A&A'smommy replied: OOOOO I would be angry too its NOT their place to say crap like that personally I LOVE to see big families and I see absolutly nothing wrong with them some people can handle more kids, some can't its a personal decision I have always wanted to have lots of kids because to me there is nothing better than a houseful of people... especially your own (I can't wait)!!

luvmykids replied: Wow, you don't expect that stuff from your friends. We only have 3 and people ask us all the time "Don't you know what causes that?" Ummmmmm... yeah, and?

fashionmumofboys replied: Sorry, that your friends made those rude comments to you. You have every right to be upset right now.

I wish people would just keep their comments to themselves.

C&K*s Mommie replied: That was very ignorant of them to say something like that.
A carnal sin you did not commit, no matter what people may say. In hearing and seeing the looks on complete strangers faces, when they saw that Christian was still small, and that I was PG again with Kellie, you would think that I did the worst possible thing by having two kids that are 17mos apart. Geesh!! Gimme a break!!

Go on and have your kids... and continue to very, very happy! Besides in our parents generations it was not uncommon to have at least 7/8 kids. Why should it be different now, when there is so much more to offer our kids?

My2Beauties replied: That was awfully rude of your friends. I am appalled. It's absolutely none of their business how many kids you have or want to have or will have! Grrr People like that make me so mad.

luvmykids replied:
I was thinking about that too ... when did they put a limit on the number of kids that are "normal"? Back then everyone had a staion wagon full! My mom has 5 brothers and my dad is one of 12!!!! I think people who say crap like that do it because it's unimaginable for them to handle it.

kimberley replied: thanks everyone



this is exactly how i feel. thanks for verbalizing it for me.

the thing that makes me the most mad is friend #1 is a self centred single mom who is constantly shipping her kid off to this relative or that and blames the whole world for her problems that she created. then wants her rich bf to spend thousands on a diamond and an elaborate wedding when she doesn't even have a home for her daughter right now. they are couch surfing at bf's place. and friend #2 came from a family of 5 kids! his family came here with NOTHING! his brother is working on their 4th child in so many yrs and was the last person i expected to act this way.

i have also gotten the "don't you know what causes that" type comments from numerous family members. it is rude and insulting.

C&K*s Mommie replied: Well despite what they say, or is in the back of their minds, Kaleigh IS gorgeous and I have nothing more that is negative to say to you.

Everyone is certainly entitled to their opinion, but sometimes those opinions do cross the line.

And it is not as though you are planning to have kids for selfish reasons, or not not planning them at all. You said it best when you said, .

Love is multiplied with all of your children, even if the money is not. The love is still and always will be there. CONGRAGULATIONS on a beautiful, healthy

luvmykids replied: And whatever happened to not saying anything if you can't say something nice?

moped replied: YOu have as many babies as you want Kimberly!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry! SOme people!!!!!!

Boys r us replied: I'm sorry, it really is no one's business besides your own!

Maybe friend #2 harbors negative feelings about being raised in a large family without having much. Still not an excuse for her nagativity to be showered on you though!

As long as your kids are taken care of and have what they need, then I say..the more the merrier! Well, for you..2 or 3 is my mental limit

kimberley replied:
it really isn't a big leap from 3 to 4 or 5

holley79 replied: They should be so ashamed of themselves. That is horrible. Who needs enemies when you have friends like that? I would be so ticked and hurt. I don't think people think before they speak, which in turn means they have spoke how they honestly feel. I think they owe you an apology.

I am so sorry that was said to you Kimberly.



You want to know what is really sad, this was said to me when I found out I was pregnant. Annika is my first child, I am 26 years old and have a wonderful husband. Why would anyone say this to anyone? I liked being pregnant and if we and GOD see fit we will have another.

kayla's mama replied: OMG how rude and inconciterate (sp?) of your friends. I kinda know how you feel. I was on the opposite end. We were trying to have a baby for 4 years and everyone had a comment or two to make. Some people need the think before they speak. Sorry your friends upset you

Freckled Momma replied: As a mom of 4 myself, I have heard just about every rude comment that can be made about "don't you know what causes that yet?" I always replied, "YEP! and it sure is fun and look at the blessings it brings!" Folks are so rude and hurtful sometimes without realizing it.


Don't let them get to you!

mommymonster replied: I know how you feel, When I was 20 and had both of my babies back, one of my closest friends had told me she did not envy me at all! Broke my heart She is expecting now and I am happy for her, she now sees what a blessing it truly is from God.

I already have 2 and I will have 2-3 more! Bigger the family more love to go around.

With faith, God will provide!!

MommyToAshley replied:

I'm so sorry. What a rude and unthoughtful thing to say!!! I can almost see someone without kids saying that because they don't fully understand the kind of love that comes with having a child. But, I find it even more hurtful coming from someone that has kids and supposedly a friend. You are rich in the things that really matter and it's their loss that they will never have a house filled full of love like you do! I'll take that over a chunk of cash and a new car any day!

BAC'sMom replied: I'm so sorry Kimberley that was very rude and totally uncalled for. Don't let what they said get to you.

gr33n3y3z replied:
Sorry Kimberley
There are rude ppl. all around us

MyLuvBugs replied: OMG! I think I'd be livid too. Especially since these are supposed to be your friends. WOW. I'm so sorry that you had that happen to you. I think you're a great mom, and if god does bless you with more kids than so be it.

However, I do think that your friend were trying to look out for your family's financial situation. Although they REALLY could have worded it better.

3xsthefun replied: I'm so sorry. That was really rude of them!

kimberley replied: i'm sorry to hear this is happening to others too. I am shocked anyone would say that with your first child, Holley. that is awful. i was thrilled for you and i hope you are blessed with more.

i guess part of my frustration is this... even if they worded it better and meant only to look out for my financial situation, their comments make me feel like they think i am stupid. like i am somehow blind and not aware of what it costs and takes to raise a child. i am aware.. 4 times over! i have the world of love to give and all the necessities. i am just not rich with the things they think i need.

and when i turned the tables on friend #2 (who has 2 grown kids, is 40 and divorced) and asked if he'd get snipped.. he couldn't say he would do it and lose the opportunity of having another baby to love if he found the right woman. so because i don't make 6 figures, i should be denied that opportunity?! i don't have a lot of friends and after this, i am not sure i will have any RL ones.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Aw Kim, that blows chunks. I'm sorry that was said to you.

Having more kids doesn't necessarily mean more expenses anyways... you re-use everything. Well except disposables...

We weren't planning on having more than 2 for now... but we got Naomie - and I wouldn't trade her for anything.

We haven't locked the door, either... but it's closed for the moment. I wouldn't mind having more kids... in a few years - dh the same. Our parents are CONSTANTLY asking us if we're done... and my mom says she prays that we are. my mom was the middle of 3 kids. My dad is from a family of 11, plus stillborn, so 13. My MIL I think they are 14, or maybe it's 13, and my FIL comes from a family of 7.

So who's the hypocrite? Would they hve told their moms to stop having kids? No - but they sure don't waste an opportunity to tell us. The most hurtful thing someone said to me was that they didn't hire me to have kids - they hired me to work. Do I have to mention it was a 40+ childless single man who was my boss?

danahas4monkeys replied: I get the same comments all the time MIL is the worst she is constantly telling me I have 4 children no matter what the conversation is about its always "and you have 4 children" uh duh I am aware I have 4 children I vaguely remember them being born! We also get alot of "your done , right" um no not really! I have learned for the most part to let it go but sometimes I snap lol! I occasionally get tired of hearing the comments and let everyone know I'll have 15 kids if I want, yes its alot of work yes there is chaos sometimes and yes we have bad days but the good far more outweigh the bad ! we dont shop at the mall we bargain shop and we dont eat out alot we make cheap dinners but you know what our kids are happy, healthy (for the most part) and are not hurting for anything. sorry your friends made those comments! it bites!

Dana

mummy2girls replied: GEEZ! i am so sorry that happened to you... I get comments on getting preggo 3 times while still single. And it pees me off as well! I just say its my life not your so I dont need to hear your comments.

CosmetologyMommy replied: Sorry hun! I would have been like, Do you pay my bills?

jem0622 replied: I totally hear you and get what you are saying. I cannot tell you how many times I've heard 'hands full' comments. You name it, I've heard it! My own sister even said we should not be having kids when we were in a financial predicament. That we made our bed and had to lie in it. Boy did we have it out!

Those are no friends at all! So sorry they hit the nerve!

HUGS

MyLuvBugs replied: Well, I'm glad that you stood up to "friend" number 2. If they were really concerned they would have asked you if you were concerned about having another child. And you're definately not stupid, so don't feel like that. You're doing a great job!! But as we've all said in other posts on here...People that aren't in your type of situation always make comments about your situation, even when they shouldn't. Don't worry about them. You and your DH are happy, and you have healthy kids. That's all that matters.

CAMSMOM1 replied:
Even he realizes what a blessing it is to have another baby to love, so where does he get off telling you that you shouldn't?
Doesn't sound like the type of friends I like to surround myself with. Friends should be there for you, bringing out the best in you, and always act in love.
At least you know that you have many friends here, that love and support you. And we recognize the blessings we have, as parents.
Ann

MamaJAM replied: BTDT! I can totally relate and I'd be livid also.

Often - when I get comments like that (and, sadly, it is fairly often) -- I reply with "Well...until I ask you to raise my kids for me - I don't see how the number of kids I have is any of your business."

CosmetologyMommy replied: I hope you are feeling better. If I was you now, I would have more for sure. Or are you planning on more??

scattytart replied: [B][SIZE=7][COLOR=red] sory this i going to be a long one!!!!


im so sorry they said that i was brought up in a family of eight and enjoyed every min!!! at least i learnt to aperciate every thing god gave me and to not always want what i cant have. Dont listen to what stupid people have to say your a great mum!!!!! here is a poem i wrote


I always knew babies were precious, soft, and sweet.
I always knew babies had the tiniest hands and feet.
I always knew babies were fun to rock and hold.
I always knew babies meant feedings, and more laundry to fold.

I thought I was very well prepared to be a mother.
I thought my baby would come and be like all the others.
I have changed my way of thinking from what I thought I had known.
My feelings about babies have changed some, and grown.

I never knew my baby would be the sweetest thing I had ever seen.
I never knew she'd steal my heart without having to do a thing.
And her father'I never knew my love could explode for this man
Just from watching him pat her back, which was much smaller than his hand.

I never knew hearing her cry would completely break my heart.
I never knew every thought would include her, even when we're apart
I never knew the consuming peace of my baby asleep against my neck.
Or the terror of putting a hand on her back when she's sleeping, just to check.

I never new it would be painfully wonderful as she learned to crawl and walk.
I never knew how blissful it would be hearing 'Mama' as she started to talk.
I never knew I would second guess every decision I make.
I never thought I would cry putting candles on her birthday cake.

Yes, I always knew babies were precious, soft, and sweet.
I always knew babies had the tiniest hands and feet.
I always knew babies were fun to rock and hold.
I always knew babies meant feedings, and more laundry to fold.

I know now it takes all your heart, sweat, and tears to be a mother.
And somehow my baby is more precious than any other.
I know now there is more to motherhood than I could ever see.
I thank God for this beautiful mixture of my husband and me.

Families with babies and families without are so sorry for each other.

Invest in the future; have a child and teach her well."

A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on


Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.


Children are our most valuable natural resource.

luvmykids replied: Wow, that is beautiful! Thank you for reminding me how privileged I am to be a mom!

kimberley replied: thanks everyone for your support and thank you scattytart for that beautiful poem.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:


Wow - you should be proud to have been published...that's one of my favorite poems ever!!!

http://www.poetryamerica.com/read_poems.asp?id=305214

punkeemunkee'smom replied: WOW Kimberly I just read this post-I am sorry that you are hearing crap like this! I am the oldest of 9 so I know the comments that are made to a large family. People are so RUDE and STUPID! My family was not on welfare or dressed in rags YET people always seemed to think they could put in their As for the my mom finally learned that looking at them straight in the eye and saying " Yep! Why do you think I am always smiling even with ALL THESE KIDS?!?" was a pretty effective way to shut them up!

When I got married people were constantly asking if I would have a "brood" or a "litter" etc...like my family, Bill and I always said we weren't sure but we were having fun practicing. Now when I run into people from the town I grew up in (we were members of the biggest church there for about 13 years) some of them will say well I see you just had 1-did you get tired of being around kids all the time? Sometimes I tell them exactly how rude they are and sometimes I just sigh and say how much I wish that it was as easy for us to have a baby as it is for them to sound like an a$$... The fact of the matter is pregnancy is not always an easy result-Taylor is the most amazing blessing I have ever known-each and EVERY child born touches the life of another person in some profound way. You do not know what the life of your children will bring and for people who have not figured that out yet...well,I feel sorry for them!

CantWait replied: Kimberley, I'm so sorry for how hurtful people can be, especially friends That certainly was uncalled for