k i feel horrible. and a bad mom to boot!

mummy2girls wrote: I know i know i shouldnt let his stupidness get to me but i cant help it expecially when it comes to my parenting skills and jenna:(

I have been keepin this in for a few days but im ready to burst so im just going to vent.. just ignore me if im annoying but i just need to do thsi before i blow up at jenna:(

aron has been on my case because his neice skylar who is 5 months younger than jenna is learning some things and passing milestones before jenna. like right now skylar is almost day trained and night trained as well. but jenna isnt even close:( Jenna is still in pull ups and no matter what i have tried she just isnt wanting to go. she will sit on the potty but will hold it in till she gets those pull ups on. Aron turns to me and says..you have to start putting you on the potty every hour. like he is demanding it on me. I turned to him and said Aron get off my case and step up and be a fricken dad ! This all isnt going to be put on me you are her dad as well so you get in the potty training as well. You dont tell me what to do! I am trying with the potty thing!

then he gets mad because she doesnt know all her colors or pronounce her words right but he doesnt do anything about it. I am working with her with her colors and she knows alot of them but all he sees is that she doesnt know all of them. how many colors are there out there..geepers give her a break! thsi is the biggest thing that gets to me.... jenna LOVES to be read too. so she will go grab one of her books and run to aron and ask hiom to read her the boo,. he says no honey i dont want to. or ask mommy. And his reasoning is because its too long of a book. if it has more than 4 words on a page he wont read it.. HUH!!!!!!!!! and in the end jenna is sad and feel rejected .. so i call her over and have her sit on my lap and i read it to her:) even if it means to stop cooking dinner for 5 minutes because to me jenna is more important!

there is so much i can do. i work fulltime and by the time i get home with her and feed her dinner i have 30 minutes till her bed time. so give me a break. And he is also on my case about bedtimes. WHAT! can this man ever be happy! i start her bedtime at 730 so this way she is sleeping by 830 the latest. he thinks i start the routinme to early and that hour im putting her to be i could be doing something with her. WHAT!

and the one thing is i am a firm believer of no physical punishment. and he is. if i hit her as punishment for hitting me what does that teach her? i cant hit but everyone else can.. she will be confused. So when jenna hit me i take her by the hand and tell her no hitting and explain to her why and its does work 99% of the time but aron thinks i should spank her! HUH!

so i am so upset and have been crying myself to sleep lately because i feel im doing a bad job!

punkeemunkee'smom replied: You are not doing a bad job at all!!! How old is Jenna? Tay has been potty trained for a loooooooooong time and we still do pull ups at night because she has always been a thirsty kid and I feel bad telling her no drinks and if she doesn't wake up 2 go potty then we have a back up, Kwim? I don't think it is a big deal...it certainly isn't stunting her development! As for her colors-you are right there are alot of them and every child learns at a different pace! If Dh wants her to learn he should be taking the time to read to her and interact with her too! It can't just be all on you! I am sorry you are having a rough time of it! You are a wonderful loving mommy and Jenna is a very lucky little girl to have you!!

mummy2girls replied:
well aron is not my DH im a single mom and am on my own. he is my ex. we dont live together.

and im saying she sint day or night trained she is in pull ups all day and all night.. and she will be 3 in nov....so thats why i am starting to believe him:(

ediep replied: omg Shelly!!!! I feel so bad that you have to deal with him at all!! You are doing a great job with Jenna, and he is being a horrible father to that sweet girl!!!

Jenna is still young, she does't have to be potty trained or know all of her colors yet. You are working on it with her and thats all that matters. Jason isn't potty trained yet and he is older than Jenna. I am not worries, some knids just aren't ready yet.

I agree with you on all the points that you made especially the hitting. I also feel that it just hurts and confuses the child.

You are doing a great job! You are a wonderful parent.

Jamison'smama replied: Okay, as far as Aron goes--it is up to you to teach her EVERYTHING but up to him on what type of discipline to use...whatever!

Jamison has been potty trained for about 2 months now and she will be 3 this month---she is going to preschool and that is the ONLY reason I pushed it--I couldn't care less--she would have trained eventually. At her preschool, there are many kids who had to wait because at 3 they were still not taught---oh well. Jamison did not want to use the big potty --in her words "I love diapers" but I gave it a 3 day trial--just sat home, put her in panties, put the potty chair in the living room and sat her on it every little while--eventually she went etc. It didn't take 6 months ago so i gave up and waited--this time she was more open. So if this isn't the time for Jenna--wait a month and try again. No worry.

Jenna is meeting her milestones right? Maybe colors is not the focus right now, maybe it's throwing or kicking--something physical--you are a great mom who LOVES her daughter. I know we say it all the time but don't let him question your parenting!!!

Hugs Hugs Hugs

julesmom replied: My dd turned 3 in August. She doesn't know all the colors, lots of people can barely understand her, she likes to speak in babytalk, she doesn't know any letters, she doesn't even pronounce her own name correctly!

She thinks every color is "booo". (blue) She is starting speech this week though, but still. She is potty-trained, but my boys weren't until they hit 3, and even alittle after 3.

Tell Aaron to SHUT UP or tell him if he thinks Jenna's slow, it must be from his genes!

You are doing a GREAT JOB!!!

luvbug00 replied: Don't worry you are a wonderful mommy and by readding to Jenna you are setting the best example and teaching her more then sitting on a toilet could! TO each his own and weather they train at 1 or at 4 it doesn't matter. She will learn everything in time. As far as punishment that also is YOUR call. You are the one who is with her all the time and Know what form works for you.

Kaitlin'smom replied: darn that Aron I am so ready to jump the next flight and give him the what for, if he is so worried they why does he not get up of his lazy behind and do somehting about it, probably cause he knows your doing a great job and he would FAIL. Shelly your a great mom, so what if she does things slower than her cousin they are different kids. grrrr he makes me so mad. Kait is not much younger than Jenna and she is only partly potty trained, day only, I am really in no rush, sure it will be nice not to have to buy pull up but if I force it on her it will only set her back IMO. Oh and yes Kait knows the basic colors but if you ask her over and over she will change them, for fun. I really wish you did know have to out up with ignorance

larchmontdi replied: Wow! I feel so much sympathy for you. I'm sorry that your ex is making you second-guess your mothering skills. But keep in mind this one thing: if your daughter is happy, healthy and safe you are the best mother on earth!

As for her actual development, hey, I don't think there is an exact age to be out of diapers. My son was toilet trained before he was three but the only way I did it was luck! I tried the potty, no go. I tried pullups, no way. Then I bought him a pair of big boy underwear (darn they were cute) and he peed in his pants. He cried and said he didn't like the feeling and he never once had an accident after that. Even in bed. So, as I said, pure luck that he was ready not skill skill at "training". Your daughter isn't going to Kindergarten with diapers, I promise.

As for the other developments, they too take time. Just remember, she crawled and then she walked. Progress. She cried for what she wanted and now she probably uses words or gestures too. Progress. Have your ex celebrate that and encourage that and she will progress even more and perhaps he will lighten up.

Your daughter is young and she is a person not a robot. Your ex needs to understand that children develop differently and at different levels in time. I know, easy for me to say that! But by carefully mentioning to him the progress she's made and how much your pediatrician and teachers and caregivers have been seeing progress maybe he'll lighten up. He may also be really unsure of himself and his complaining is a way to get reinforcement (very bad way IMO) or maybe he's just scared to ask for help so he says these things. Try just compliementing when he does something, anything well or helpful. Men are so resistent (again, just IMO) to criticism, even the well meaning variety, that it usually has the opposite effect.

Sorry this is so long...just wanted to make you feel better and realize that you are doing a good job.

moped replied: You do a wonderful job with her and don't ever think otherwise.............all children will go thru things and do things when they are ready. In a perfet world none of us would have to work but that isn't the way it is and I think Jenna is a perfeclty normal happy little girl.

Aron is WRONG

A&A'smommy replied: Oh no hun Aron is such a jerk!!! Your a WONDERFUL mom, and Jenna is smart and sweet and a great child. ALL kids learn at a different pace she will get it!!

coasterqueen replied: I agree, you are a wonderful mom. Don't let Aron get to you. Tell him to stick it where the sun doesn't shine.

kimberley replied:
ditto!

mummy2girls replied:
actually i tried this andf it doesnt work:( i say aron she pooped on the potty and he says well why isnt she peeing? i said she knows her ABC's and he says well why isnt she counting. i then say shes counting and he says why doesnt she know her colors. I tell him she know knows her colors(well most) and he says... well why isnt she doign this and this and this. etc etc etc.

so he complains she doesnt do anything and when she finally does it he thinks of something else she cant do... so in the end i still cant make him happy!