long vent about my ex...

kimberley wrote: i am soooooooooooooooo mad i could burst!!!!!!!! someone had better tie me down or i am gonna go postal on my ex!!!

last wednesday he asked me if he could take the boys to the cottage this weekend. obviously i was gonna say no because of school but he pleaded because his godmother (who he hasn't seen in 30yrs) was coming and wanted to meet his boys. i reluctantly agreed under these conditions...

1. homework must get done up there
2. keep in touch, phone home
3. get home EARLY (6-7pm latest) sunday
4. use booster seat. it is LAW now!

he promised and swore up and down he would do that. he said he would probably come around 4pm friday so they wouldn't leave too late. i told him that was good because i had the CAS worker coming for her visit that day and he has been blowing off meeting her for a month. so he could get that over with. well he calls an hour before and tells me he is busy and won't be at the visit. STRIKE ONE.

he didn't actually show up until about 8ish pm and they didn't arrive at the cottage til midnight. *I* had to put the booster seat together and explain to him how to use it. umm.. we've only had it for 6yrs! and of course, no call to let me know they arrived safe .
i phone them saturday and the boys were outside, so i just told grandma to tell them i called and asked her if they have done their homework. she said no. STRIKE TWO.

sunday, they called when i stepped out, so i called back for 2hrs.. no answer! ever had deja vu? here we go again with them dodging my calls. finally around 8:30pm, he calls me from his cell phone and says he couldn't find his keys (YA RIGHT!) and they are just leaving now. ?????
that means they won't be here until like midnight . WTF?!?! he KNOWS we have the team meeting for Jacob tomorrow with the school at 8:30am!!! when the heck are my kids supposed to sleep?! they have to be up by 6:30-7am which is much earlier than usual because of this meeting. his reply "they will be fine, they will sleep in the car". and what.. they are just gonna stay in there all night?! it is cold, uncomfortable and they are gonna have to be woken at midnight to get to bed. PLUS i can almost guarantee they haven't been bathed nor have they done their homework so that means up even earlier. he is such an irresponsible jerk!! all he cares about is his needs and wants and screw the boys and everyone else. i am so livid right now! STRIKE THREE! you're out!

to make matters worse, i got a letter from his lawyer on saturday stating they want me to sign an agreement that he takes the boys every weekend and half holidays, pays only $500/mo child support for BOTH kids and has the right to dictate where i can live. basically saying i cannot leave the city i am in. he better buckle his seatbelt because he is in for the fight of his life!!!! he plans to move out of here next month and move into a room over the bar he manages. umm.. and you think i am gonna send my kids there for overnights?!?! he already told me about one of the other guys who lives up there who is a total thief and drug head! he will likely continue his current work/drinking habits which means he is never home from morning until 1am or later and then sleeps all weekend cuz he is burnt out. who is going to be taking care of my kids?! i don't freakin think so! he expects me, Jamie and Jade to bend to HIS schedule. he says he has the RIGHT to time with his boys and i cannot take that from him and Jade is not his kid, so if their absence affects her, that is not his problem. well, i am gonna make it his problem!!! if he wants to see his kids, then he better get a normal job and not drink with the customers every night and get a decent place to live. i am done adjusting my life for him and now it is his turn! if he can't make the time to visit in the week and comply to the hours of visitation, then he can forget seeing them at all!

grrrr! sorry this is so long. i am just raging mad and need to get it out before he gets here and i freak on him. thanks for listening.

mckayleesmom replied: Ya...he better get ready for a fight if it was me...and look out for the hitman.

Mommy2BAK replied: wow, he is such a jerk! Did I hear this right.. does he live in your house?

Girl, you fight him to the death on what he is wanting!

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Oh Kim!!! What a mess! It sounds like my brother's ex and her family. They bounce my nephew around everywhere and don't think about his needs at all. It is a disaster. I really feel for you. Luckily you have sole custody and you have more rights. I hope you fight him and win. What a JERK!

I will be praying for you!

mckayleesmom replied:
If Im correct....I think he rents Kimberly's basement....partly because he had financial problems and to be closer to the kids.

mammag replied: I would be mad too. I'm sure him living over a bar isn't going to help his case any. I'm so sorry he's putting you through this. Is it any surprise that you don't get excited for him to take them for a weekend???? Good grief!

Lots of for you!!!

mummy2girls replied: big ((((HUGS))))) Kimberely! i am so sorry you have to deal with him. The way he is treating those kids is so immature and idiotic! if he thinks living above the bar is a good place and environment for those kids then he has defeintly has a screw loose! no judge in his right mind will allow that! I wish i could get on a plave right now and fly down and give you a hug!

CantWait replied: You go girl!!! Some men are just plain iresponsible. Good Luck hon

kimberley replied:
this is the problem... i don't have sole custody. we split up over 5yrs ago but never declared custody or child support. i stupidly agreed to whatever $$ amount he offered out of court or lawyers and didn't even think about custody. so i think, technically, it is still joint custody. and it works against me that he has been renting off me and i haven't gone to court in all these years.

and yes he does rent my basement. we split up, he moved out for a couple of years, he lost his job and asked if he could crash at my apartment for a while til he got on his feet. the sucker that i am, that turned into years of misery for me.. but then i felt guilty tossing him out because the boys loved having him there. prior to that i had to beg him to come see them every week or two.

when i met Jamie, he moved in, we decided to rent a house and Pat (my ex) wanted to rent the basement til he found something else. again, years later he is still here and wreaking havoc among us. his place is a sty and the kids have NO discipline when he is with him. they don't even eat regular meals. that is also part of the reason i always let him stay with me... so i can supervise visits and make sure they are bathed, fed and get outside and see the light of day all weekend.

they are home and in bed. i dread what they will be like in the morning. he said they did their homework and when i asked about a bath, he said... ya don't worry, they went swimming today. swimming??? in a dirty lake??? you call that clean??? ugh. sorry to go off again lol. he just makes me angry. i didn't say anything to him. i secretly hope he doesn't get up for the meeting tomorrow and prove that everything i have been saying about him is the truth.. he is completely irresponsible!

pic of his filth downstairs...

Mommy2BAK replied: Oh man, Kimberely. I am sorry you are going through this with him, and I must say you are a much better woman than me, b/c I would have kicked him out. But I can definatey understand your reasoning.

gr33n3y3z replied: Did you tell him when pigs fly lol
Good Luck Kimberley at the meeting I hope all goes well.

((( Hugs )))

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: What a loser. Sorry, but any grown man who lives like he is still 15, well, you know. Sheesh. Here's to hoping he sleeps through your meeting. I hope your kids really did get their homework done and didn't get too smelly. And that they slept in the car and won't be too cranky this morning. And fight him on the weekend custody thing. A room over a bar isn't a safe environment for children, any sane court would think the same thing.

My2Beauties replied: I just want to offer you hugs He sounds like are a really insensitive jerk! That picture is awful, I can't believe he lives that way, no wonder you are so leery about your boys being around him. I'm sorry Hon, I hope that you fight him to the death on the custody and child support thing!

coasterqueen replied: ((HUGS)) Kimberley. You vent away girl! I just have to because I never understand why people get/act like him in divorce situations. It's like they expect way more than they should ever get OR deserve.

Good luck and I hope you stick it to him!

Kaitlin'smom replied: gurrr my only advie start a journal if you have not already of EVERTHING that he does good (if there is any) and bad. get all your ducks lined up and wham he is in for such a fight.

kimberley replied:
the day i got the first letter from his lawyer (july 20) i have kept a daily journal about him and his interaction with the kids etc. i also took a bunch of pics of his place when he was away too. the washroom is grosser than his apt

thanks for all the support guys. i really appreciate it. he came to the meeting but didn't say much thank goodness. he usually rambles on and on when he has NO CLUE what the kids do on a daily basis . can you believe he is almost 36yo!

Kaitlin'smom replied:
good I am glad your getting some documation. it will help.

Sarah&Mackenzie replied: Well I hope that everything works out and you get sole custody!!! He sounds like he needs supervised visits and living above a bar, not a good place for children!! GOOD LUCK!!

elvisfan replied: Do we have the same ex? I am in a HUGE custody battle with ex over our ds and he has been a complete jerk. And his house looks like that picture! He's driving me crazy. But I won't vent on your thread any more. I know how much it sucks. You could probably go for child support if you wanted too. In our state they go by a chart. They put in what he makes. They put in what you make and out pops a number. (If you don't work it goes by minimum wage for 40hrs a week).

GOod luck.

mom21kid2dogs replied: What a pain! On the upside, he doesn't seem to be too invested in helping his custody request any!!