need advice/opinions

cameragirl21 wrote: Ok, I just want to start this out by saying it's possible I'm making too big a deal about this but I really want honest opinions so please speak your mind if you respond and I apologize this may get a bit long.
Ok, a bit of background--as I've mentioned before, I was born in the former USSR and came here as a toddler so while I did speak Russian first, technically, and do speak it fluently, I am, for all practical purposes, a native English speaker even though English really is my second language.
My parents obviously both came here as adults and while they do have accents, their English is excellent and I'd say their command of the language is excellent. My friend, whose comment led me to ask this question here also came from the former USSR as a grownup and her English is also excellent, as is her command of the language.
Ok, so as I'm sure you all have noticed, I tend to say things that are perhaps a bit insulting at times and have been nicknamed Bart Simpson for this--I tend to speak my mind. My mom, on the other hand, is extremely tactful and always puts things nicely and only insults people if she means to do so and even then, she is always very tactful.
I, unfortunately, took after my dad--we are both totally real and people love that about us but we tend to just speak our minds and as a result may find ourselves insulting people without meaning to. I often find myself baffled that someone took what I said the wrong way but I've come to realize that it's just how I am and I have to be cautious and mindful of that when dealing with people.
Ok, on to the sitch--I need to give a picture of my cat to someone I don't know extremely well but the picture was promised and I have to deliver it. This person is a woman in her 60s and she's a very kind person who goes out of her way to help others so I really want to make sure I don't insult her in any way.
A bit of background on her--she used to be VERY beautiful and everyone told her she's beautiful so it's a HUGE part of her self esteem. Honestly, she is STILL very beautiful but in all fairness, people are just not the same at 60 something as they were at 30 something, it's just an unfortunate reality. Furthermore, she has naturally occurring red hair that's a very beautiful and unusual shade of red (just like the twins in that butterfly pic--very bright, unusual shade of red) and being a natural redhead is also a very big part of her self esteem. She also has very bright blue eyes.
For reasons I won't get into, I will not be delivering the picture in person...I will send it and thereby have to attach a note. I won't get into the details but the circumstances are such that it would be nice if my note would cheer her up and make her happy.
She certainly does not look her age, nor does she act her age and still engages in pretty much the same activities she did when she was young so I get the impression that she feels as if nothing has changed over the years, or at least lives her life as if nothing has changed.
As I've said previously, from my fairly limited experience with her, she really is a wonderful person and I'd not want to say anything that could be misconstrued as insulting.
She IS someone for whom I have a great deal of respect but just like my dad, I am not a butt kisser by nature and any attempts on both my dad's part and mine to try to pretend to be have come off as extremely fake and insincere. So in my attempt to write her a nice note, I have to make sure not to lay if on too thick and to be true to my nature which as I said above is totally real.
The picture of my cat does not need to be current, it just needs to be a pic of her. My cat just turned 9 months yesterday and is technically still a baby. Her eyes have turned copper, as any Red Persian's eyes will be but she was born with blue eyes and over time they turned to half blue half copper and over time, the blue was phased out and the copper came in. I do have pics of her with just blue eyes.
I wanted to send her a pic of her like that and attach a note that says something like, "my cat's eyes have since turned copper but she used to be a blue eyed redhead just like you...." I told my friend about this (she doesn't know this woman as well as I do but to be fair, neither of us knows her extremely well) and my friend feels this is insulting because it implies that my cat is not quite what she used to be and therefore neither is this woman. To imply something of that sort to her would really be awful so this concerns me. I ran this by my mom and she feels it's perfectly fine and not insulting at all but my friend pointed out that my mom is not a native speaker and that perhaps I need to run this by a native speaker of the language. I thought about asking some of my born in the USA friends but prefer to ask here because I'm hoping to get multiple opinions so I can gauge just how insulting or not insulting it may be. Obviously what insults me may not insult you and vice versa so I'm hoping to see what the majority opinion is.
If you got this far, thank you and if you answer, please tell me why you would or would not find it insulting...I am very bothered by this. This is supposed to be a simple, nice gesture and now I'm all stressed out about it.

moped replied: Personally I would not say the "just like you" part, but explain the cats eyes have changed......maybe?
Odd that someone wants a pic of your cat? Maybe not........

my2monkeyboys replied: I don't see how she could be offended by that. I think it's very nice.

cameragirl21 replied:
many people are curious about my cat...she is a miracle, literally. I am in the process of writing a book about her story (my cat's not this woman's) so you will find out soon enough but once the story comes out, it will be very clear why people want to see her picture, etc.

DVFlyer replied: Because it worries you that you might offend this person, I would not try to be so creative with your note.

How about "Here's the photo of my cat you requested. Have a great day" ... ?

Crystalina replied: I wouldn't find it offending at all. If you are concerned about it you can go ahead and tell how your cats eyes have changed and end that "my cat has maintained her beauty over the years as you have." I guess that's if you really want to address her looks. I'm sure she knows you aren't saying that she looks like a cat or that your cat is better looking with age then she is.

I think your over thinking it because someone has said something to you. Don't second guess yourself.

luvmykids replied: Personally, I doubt I would think anything of it. But if you are determined to mention the red hair and/or blue eyes, you could say "From one beautiful blue eyed red head to another" or something along those lines.

MommyToAshley replied:
I agree, I would just keep the note simple. No need to address anyone's beauty in a note that states that this is the picture you requested. "Have a nice day" would suffice as a simple, pleasant gesture.

momofone replied: Does she dye her hair red? if so then no offense should be taken.

cameragirl21 replied:
well NOW she does because now it's growing in gray. But she IS a natural redhead...before Mother Nature took her course.
Thanks to everyone for your advice...simply saying, "Here's the pic you requested, have a nice day...." would not work because anyone who knows me even a little knows that this is SO not my nature and it too would come off as fake and dismissive. I tend to get creative with my words and everyone expects that from me. I don't want to make it seem like I'm doing her a favor by sending her the pic or just dutifully fulfilling a request and truth be told, under the circumstances, it really is crucial that I take the time to say something nice to her if that make sense.
ETA--Crystal, THANK YOU! That is just what I needed, seriously. And Monica, you may be on to something, I may borrow your words or elaborate on them a bit.
Btw, just some added info so perhaps this is more understandable--this is a woman who gets hit on ALL THE TIME by men half her age and younger...I have witnessed it in action. Pretending she is not beautiful or ignoring who and what she is would in and of itself be strange, kwim? She is still very pretty but I have seen pics of her from 20-30 years ago and wow, back then, God must really have been smiling down on her when He was handing out beauty.

MommyToAshley replied: I must come off as fake as I fulfill close to a hundred of these types of requests over the course of a few days, and most of the notes are short, simple and to the point. Sorry I was no help. Good luck with your note.

cameragirl21 replied:
see, this is exactly what I mean when I say that I unintentionally insult people all the time. I meant to say that everyone who knows me knows that it is just not in my nature to send a note like that so it would be obvious something is amiss if I did that and FOR ME to say that, it would come off as fake because it is not who I am at all. I am trying to stay true to my nature because otherwise people automatically know something is up and at the same time, try to give someone a boost if you kwim. I am having a hard time....
But I do appreciate your help and opinion and that of everyone else. This is a strange situation for me to be in and I am struggling a bit. I am sorry if I offended you, Dee Dee.

MommyToAshley replied:
You didn't offend me at all. I suppose now that I read my post back, if read in tone other than how I meant it, it could come off as I was offended. But, no offense taken. I just meant that based on my experience since I answer a lot of requests for pictures, files, updates, etc, it just seemed like you were over-thinking it, that's all that I meant by my reply.

momofone replied:
I feel that you are just stating facts and not being insulting at all.

DVFlyer replied: How about,

"Thought this would brighten your day"

or

"You're the cats meow"

or

"[insert cat's name] says you're puuurrrrfect"

or

"I really wanted to say something nice to you, but I'm obsessed with not saying the wrong thing so I thought not saying anything would be a better course of action but then thought not saying anything would offend you in case you were really expecting me to say something so I thought I'd just babble for a while until we both forgot what, exactly, we were going to be offended by"

but wait, I ended a sentence with a preposition so if she's really good with grammar....

luvmykids replied:
Sorry Jennifer, and no offense, but I had to LOL at that one

Calimama replied:


I don't get how her looks need to come into play with a picture of your CAT.. call me crazy. I have some friends that are drop dead gorgeous but I don't need to address it when I'm sending them a birthday card.. KWIM?

cameragirl21 replied: ok, maybe I should have added that the whole point of her getting a pic of my cat is because there is a joke that they are both "hot" redheads...?
I would say I wish I hadn't asked here as I often feel that way but I did get some nice replies and think I now know what I will write and feel comfortable with it and believe she will like it too. So thanks to those who helped me out.

Calimama replied:
My question wasn't meant to offend you, I just didn't understand the correlation. Sorry!

luvmykids replied:
I'm sorry, no offense was intended, and I only chuckled at DVF's response because I'm guilty of that exact line of thinking

MommyToAshley replied: I hope I didn't offend you. It makes more sense now that we know there is a joke that goes along with it.