ok... here is my story...
mummy2girls wrote: Lately I have been really racking my brain and up into wee hours in the morning with this on my mind... Marcus's Grandfather was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a few weeks ago. so marcus's mom flew down to ontario to be with him and get things figured out. She called Marcus's sister the saturday i was in the hospital. And when we were waiting to get the tests results back from my tests marcus called his sister to talk to her about his grandfather. I guess It was spread into his liver now. and the doctor gives him maby 6 months if that. well from feb to august is 6 months. so i said to marcus would you feel better if we postponed the wedding. Marcus refused to. He says he doesnt think he will last that long. But the topic has still been on my mind and i cant stop thinking about it. which is making my anxiety soar! As much as i dont want to postpone ...what if he passes away a week or just days before our wedding. Then marcus's mom wont be at the wedding id lose my matron of honor, my flowergirl and the groom. Plus I dont want his mom to have to decide between funeral or wedding. I guess marcus's grandfather is moving down to edmonton for his last months here on earth. So i suggested pushing the weddign to beginning of october. and then i thought well what if he dies just days before oct wedding? I talked to marcus's sister about it and she said its a hard desicion and we are stuck in one big hard prediciment. but his sister also said that i cant plan my life and weddign around the death of marcus's grandfather. Its hard. Then i suggested cancelling the wedding wait till he passes away then repick a date:( Matrcus is wanting to just keep the august date because we cant really plan our future and such around what is going to happen because he could die in a week or even tonight. so right now we havent made a desicion yet... but once his mom comes home we are going to bring dinner over there and sit and talk with her and see what she thinks. if she says we should keep the date then we will..
the baby.... Well the original plan was to TTC a month after we marry. BUT again this has been on my mind. As much as i WANT a baby! And you know how much i do... We have to wait. Because marcus is goign to attend school this sept for 2 more years to get his bachelor of education. So all finances pretty much is on my head. Bringing a baby into that is not a good choice. Plus when i have a baby i have to ternimate a child so i lose 500 of my paycheque. Which is not a smart idea. so if all goes with the wedding then September of 2009 we will TTC and then if i get pregnant the baby will be born just after he graduates university and then he will get a teachers assistant job for now until he finds a teaching job and then at least a good second income will come in to help. Plus if i had the baby while he is in school marcus will be busy going to school, studying and working that he will hardely see his new born baby and miss the first year of its life and ill have more of a responsibility on my shoulder and be a single mom to 2 kids per say!
So im a ittle stressed but i hope that somethign will get better and we get answers soon:(
mckayleesmom replied: Well....first I have to say that Im glad you two are still together....You had me worried that you might have broken up.....Second...I think that you should do whatever is comfortable with Marcus in regards with the wedding. Like they said...you can't plan your wedding around every event that MIGHT happen around that time. Someone, anyone can die the day before your wedding and there would be nothing you could really do about it. I would personally just proceed as planned, but I can see your concerns.
As for the baby thing.....I think waiting sounds like it is in the best interest of you all financially and emotionally....so I think your making the right call.
punkeemunkee'smom replied: YOu can't plan around what MAY happen Shelly. I am not trying to be dark about what you are going through but nobody's time here is garunteed! There are always possiblities of something happening to someone the week before the wedding,the day before,or on the way to it. Maybe there is something else going on with you? Something you can't pinpoint but some part of you looking for a way out? I am not saying there is but maybe that is something you should consider.....
ETA~ I think waiting on the baby is a good call. That way you have time to adjust to being a wife and he to being a step-dad to Jenna before you bring another baby into it all.
mckayleesmom replied: P.S.....DON'T SCARE US LIKE THAT AGAIN!!! 
kit_kats_mom replied: I think it's nice to ask his family if they'd want you all to wait for the wedding but IMO I'd just plan it as is. I mean, who knows what will happen? Maybe grandpa will hang on till Marcus is married, maybe he won't. Maybe one of you guys will have something terrible happen. There's no way of telling really. I'd keep the wedding date and hope for the best. If the worst does happen, well...you can be flexible. I mean, I didn't have any attendants at my wedding and I'm still married. the wedding isn't the point...the marriage is and if GF passes, then Marcus is going to need you, his GF or Wife, for support.
Of course, this all comes from me...the girl who was born the same day her great grandma died....My Grandma stayed for the funeral then came to welcome me to the world a few days later.
jcc64 replied: I think Abbie and Cary are right, Shelley.
mummy2girls replied:
oh heavens no. I am not tryign to get out of marrying marcus. He is the best thing to enter into my life and i would be lost without him. so its not liek im tryign to get out of it.. i just love marcus and hios family and dont want to put them into a predicament of a huge desicion... Buta nywasy we are goign to talk to his mom and go from there...
lisar replied: I am glad you and Marcus are good. I was thinking that something was happening between the 2 of you.  As for everything else. You do what you think is right and what you need to do. I have never been in that situation before so I dont know what to tell you. I am sorry you are dealing with all of this it must be hard on you. Try and relax (I know easier said than done) but still try.
luvmykids replied:
ITA here....I know you have your wedding picture perfect in your mind but honestly six months is a big window and like Marcus said, it could be in a day, a week, a month.
I think it's good to wait on TTC as well, it's tough to be in school, make ends meet, and add a new baby to the mix.
ZandersMama replied: When we found out ex husbands mother was dying, we postponed the wedding. I know you can't plan your life around things like that , *&^% happens. But this is something you know is going to happen. She passed away in July and we postponed until November, which I feel was still too soon. Everyone was still mourning. What I wish we had done now, in hindsight, was move the wedding up so that she could have been there.
Just a differant spin on it, i've been there.
~Roo'sMama~ replied: I was thinking that the problem was with your relationship, too. I'm glad that's not the case!! I hope you can get it figured out and decide on something that is comfortable for both of you.
moped replied:
I agree
Hillbilly Housewife replied: Shelly I've been there... my grandfather passed away barely 2 motnhs after my wedding... he wasn't well enough to come. As sad as this sounds... life goes on...and if you wait wait wait until the crap stops hitting the fan.. you will enver get to where you want to be, because there's always something new that will pop up.
Get married. besides... a good party is just what some people need to bring a little cheer into their daily life.
As for the child... it's a good call to wait, financially... but again - waiting until you're financially ready for a baby... who, really, is EVER financially ready?
moped replied:
So true!!!!!!!
mummy2girls replied:
again im not tryign to get out of it. Marcus is teh best thing to come into my life. I woudl be lost without him! My anxiety is from this grandfather thing, planning a wedding all on my own...tryign to figure out how we are budgetting it, keeping in touch with who i booked with, gettign money to them etc. Also its from how aron has been lately, and the list goes on.
moped replied:
OH I kno wyou want to marry him 100%
Sorry you are going through all this Shelly......everything will work out
A&A'smommy replied: I agree with what was said, I think its VERY kind of you!!! I'm glad you two are still together I was worried  I should know better!!
mummy2girls replied:
because i need too. See when marcus attands school the fibnances is on my shoulders for teh most part, ill eb paying for 90 percent of all bills, And if i have a baby then i lose a child in my dayhome so i lose 500 off my monthly fees. I want to wait till he is done school ( and by planning the baby will eb bron when he is done his second year of schooling) that way he will have a job as a teachers aid until he gets a teachers job. and getting that second income of 2000 a month rather than 500-800 really is better. why put stress of that when im a new mom really benefit me. It doesnt. So yes we are never finacially ready BUT we will be finacially ready when he is done school rather than in school!
luvbug00 replied: ITA with not waiting for the wedding  . As for a baby, i'd be more worried about your points of him being able to manage husband, stepdad,and school and a new baby. I think it's very kind of you to space it out to give him time to focas on school and his duties as your husband and Jenna's stepdad. There is pleanty of time for a baby that all 3 of you can enjoy. i hope you can find a solution that is best for you all
DillsMommy replied: I agree with keeping the wedding date as planned. That could be what everyone needs, something positive to look forward to. KWIM? Something special amongst all the stress going on. I'm so sorry you are going through this and I understand how stressful it could be, just keep positive and I'm sure everything will work out.
As for the baby. Thats a tough call. I am very impatient and wouldn't want to wait, but with everything else going on, it would probably be better to put it off for a little bit.
mom21kid2dogs replied: It's hard to be in this place, I'm sure. I also agree that you shouldn't postpone your plans based on what "might" happen. As sad as it may sound, funerals can be planned around other things. Weddings shouldn't be planned around them (or the possiblity of one). Go on with your plans and have a great wedding~the rest won't be determined by any of us anyway.
Maddie&EthansMom replied: Move the wedding up instead of back.
I agree that you can't plan your life around certain things, but I see that you are a planner and I can respect that. You need to know how things will pan out...that's very decent of you to respect his family. Most brides are very selfish about these things and I know how badly you want to marry him, this just shows that you love him that much more, that you are willing to wait. How noble of you!!! 
Scotty and I got engaged in July. I wanted a June wedding and I wanted to be engaged for a year (or close to.) Some issues arose in my family and I moved out of my parent's house and Scotty and I chose to move our wedding up. We planned it in 2 short months.  It was still the wedding I wanted, just in December and not June.  In the end, it was totally a God thing b/c 4 mos after Scotty and I got married his father had an accident and was in the hospital for months and months. He had a head injury and was never the same. One year after his dad's accident, his mother died of breast cancer. That June wedding may not have ever happened. I may not have ever had the wedding I wanted had I not gone with my gut. True, I have the marriage so it may be selfish to look at it that way, but we were young when we married and when Scotty essentially lost both of his parents. Scotty hasn't been the same since that happened....And for all I know, we may not have gotten married at all. I'm glad we got married when we did. If you feel in your gut that waiting is the best thing to do, then follow your gut. Really, it all works out the way it should in the end.
You're smart to plan for the baby, too. I admire you, Shelly!
My2Beauties replied: Shelley, how sweet of you to think of his family's needs. I will say this, not to pour salt in a wound, but pancreatic cancer is very very aggressive and more than likely he will not live 6 months. I'm not saying to make it worse, I'm just saying he'll probably pass before your wedding takes place. My dad has known 2 people with it and both went within 2-3 months. Don't postpone your wedding Shelley, you can't plan around what-if's and what would happen if....just get married and be happy! Besides, like someone else said, a wedding will cheer everyone up!
sparkys2boys replied:
Well said, and I agree here 100%
AlexsPajamaMama replied: Just lots of hugs for you during this stressful time
Insanemomof3 replied:
Hillbilly Housewife replied: Shelly i've said it before and i'll say it again... if you want some help with wedding stuff... I can do as much as I can from far away.
I understand more, too, now about the baby and school. I guess I missed that part. 
redchief replied: I'm sorry about the stress this all has caused you, but I agree with the others about keeping your plans as they were.
sparkys2boys replied: Given anymore thought to it all? I hope you keep your plans, you have done so much work already and deserve it
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