omg - she is totally bi polar or something - my friend's girlfriend

Hillbilly Housewife wrote: I have this friend, who I've been friends with since high school. We've known each other for about 11 years or so... we're pretty good friends.

Anyhoo, tonight was only the second time I've seen her, mostly because of both of their crazy work schedules she's hardly around when I can see him, it's usually just a wave from a window as she's leaving or as I'm leaving.

Anyways, I'd heard a lot about her and stuff, and she seemed really nice, I was looking forward to getting to know her a little better, since the last time I'd seen her was only about 10 minutes, and it was in a pool hall.

She is a MAJOR Bee with an itch up her butt.... I was floored by her attitude. I had gone over to his place tonight, cuz he;s helping me with my cd project, and I'd brought him over a bottle of Grahams Port.. .and we had a few drinks over the course of the evening with fiddling around with the mixing board etc... and she was ticked off that 1) I was there with *her man*, un-supervised, 2) that we were having a drink, 3) that he hadn't told her I was over when she'd called earlier in the evening.

Fair enough, I mean, there's reason for suspicion I guess, right?

When she'd called, they were on the phone for about 30 seconds, and it was her cussing him out because he hadn't packed her dinner the way she'd expected it...he gave her the wrong type of yogurt or something. She was yeling at him, I could hear it from about 10 feet away where I was sitting. AND she'd hung up on him afterwards... uh, when was he supposed to tell her I was there?

As for the drinks... it was only 2 small glass of the port, which was bout 2 ounces total. Between 5 and 9. Big deal.

This guy does everything for this girl... he makes her meals, cleans up his house, which she moved into kinda uninvited (long story), they bought a hosue together that they're moving into in October. he drives her pretty much everywhere. He gardens, for her, because she wants a garden, but she's allergic to a lot of stuff, so she can't do it. She's a vegetarian, so he changed his lifestyle pretty much to accomodate her eating habits, which was his choice of course, but she gets mad at him if he has meat elsewhere. He's not a vegetarian, he just cooks vegetarian meals for her, and of course eats them with her. They don't keep meat in the house. He lays out her clothes for her, so that she can sleep in that extra time. He does her laundry. He does everything for her...he even opens the car door for her for pete sakes! It's the kind of guy he is. Really sweet guy, I love him to bits. He's a great friend, couldn't ask for better.

So anyways, she gets home, realizes I'm there, goes off on him, in front of me. Like I mean yelling, cursing, she even slapped him a couple times on the arms and the chest. She even threw a glass! (it landed on the couch, so no breakage)

I was kinda scared.... I thought she was going to go off on me!!! And it's not liike she didn't know who I was, she knew he was working on this thing with me, has for a long time. Knows we go out together sometimes. Knows I'm married, knows I have kids. i can understand WHY she was upset... but geez, a little control woman!

Anyways, she turns around after all this, and is all like sickly sweet, says that "she's going to bed, and can we please not make too much noise, since she has to get up early".

At this point, I'm like, apologetic, and I felt really bad for what just happened, and I told him that I should go, it seemed like he was going to have a bad night... and he's all like no no, she gets like this sometimes, not to worry about it.

Whatever... so I get my coat on, and he's all like, no no, stay, don't worry about her, she'll be fine, she's just tired. His phone rings, and it's his buddy who's in the area and wants to come over to hang out for a while. So he tells me to stay, his friend is on his way over, we could hang out the 3 of us. Alright, fine... so since his friend said about 15 minutes, we worked a little on the mixing. Anyways, a few minutes later, his gf comes back upstairs (their bedroom is in the lower level) and starts freaking out, saying things to him like "what? she's STILL HERE? HOW DARE YOU!" and calling him all kinds of names... so I just grabbed my coat and left.

So I'm walking towards the bus stop to take the bus home, and he comes out after me, with no coat on, and tells me he's going to walk me to the bus and wait with me, since it could take up to 20 minutes, depending on when it went by last. I tell him he's crazy, it's freezing outside. He says he'll be fine, he needed some cold air anyways. So we check the time the bus is coming in...and I had just missed the last one, so 20 minutes til the next one comes... so we duck into Timmie's (coffee place on everycorner... ) to wait in the warmth. Of course there's light there, and I see he's got a really red handprint on his face!!!!

I couldn't believe it.

I really feel bad for the guy. He's never mentionned this behaviour to me... and he was really embarassed by it... making excuses for her, the way she acted. I basically told him there was absolutely no reason for her to act the way she did, I found it was totally unacceptable, and if my husband ever spoke to me that way, he'd be out the door in a matter of the time it took for my foot to get to his A**.

Anyways, i asked him if he wanted to talk about it.. and he did. We ended up staying at Timmie's for about 2 hours. He'd never told anyone about the way she acts out. They don't go out anywhere, mostly because she's allergic to peanuts, at least that's the reason he persuades her to stay home with him instead. But really, he doesn't want her to do that type of show in public. He said that pretty much the only reason he hasn't broken it off with her is because of the house they bought. He feels like he can't do any better in life than with her... which I told him was stupid. I really had to stroke his ego to make him feel better, he was sooo torn up about it. I feel so sorry for his situation.... I don't really know what to do.

I know it's none of my business, really, but come on. That's abuse. That's completely unacceptable. I feel so sorry for him........

Hillbilly Housewife replied: oh - forgot to add - I have no idea what happened with his friend... I guess I'll find out next time I talk to him.

grapfruit replied: Oh my Poor guy. You're right, that's complete abuse. And I don't think your wrong for giving him a helping hand. I don't think it's any different then a battered woman. He may feel trapped (it sounds like he feels trapped). He's lucky to have a friend like you, I say give him support and help if he wants it, let him know it's there, but don't force it. He's gotta do it for himself...

Calimama replied: Wow poor guy. No one deserves to be treated like that.

luvmykids replied: How does a guy like that think she's the best he can do? What a rotten existence he must have with her on a daily basis, it's very sad. And what a lunatic she is for acting that way period but especially in front of you!

grapfruit replied: Rocky, I was wondering...is the friend you're talking about my dad? B/c that really sounds like him and his wife.

MoonMama replied: Oh man crazy! Your friend deserves to be treated so much better what a witch.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: What would ya'll have done had you been in her shoes, walking in on your guy with a female friend of his who wrew working on a project that was not a secret?

I know that if it were me, I'd have been fine with it... but that's just me

kimberley replied: personally, i wouldn't have been pleased. i certainly would have shown more restraint and less abuse but nonetheless, i wouldn't like the fact that he didn't let me know. a phone call takes two seconds and when it's not made, it looks a bit suspicious.. like he was hiding it. and the fact that she doesn't know you well, he does see you mostly when she is not around and you are drinking in her home with her man.. well affairs happen with or without a ring on your finger.

tbh, there is probably much more going on than you know about. unless you get both sides of the story, you have no idea what the truth is. i have a few male friends i have known for years and are the best friends.. but not the greatest boyfriends. i would stay out of it. your involvement will only make things worse.

CantWait replied: She sounds like a nut job to me, and not only borders on abusive, but sounds downright abusive.

Yes I think he could have made a simple phone call, but at the same time if they're going out with eachother then she obviously knows how good of friends you are, and like you said, she knows about this project, so it shouldn't come to too much of a surprise.

Sorry for what this guy is going through. Hope he gets out soon.

luvmykids replied:
I guess it would depend, on my overall level of trust, my own level of security or lack of it, etc. But from what you've described the events last night weren't the start of all this, she/they obviously have other issues that sound pretty deep rooted, I don't think it came from the clear blue.

Yeah, he could have called and told her you'd be there, I don't think it would really change the way things went down though. She would have just started flipping out sooner rather than later.

HuskerMom replied: He should dump her and find someone who actually appreciates him, IMO

Calimama replied:
If I didn't know, I wouldn't be happy. Not mad enough to hit him or treat him like that though.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I just want to add - that for him to call her at work, he'd have to leave a message at the front desk, then she has to have the message delivered to her, then she can call during her break. He probably should have done that, I agree. We had only decided to get together to work about 10 minutes before actually getting together though, it wasn't a planned thing. I guess he had had other plans, and they got cancelled. We have so few times when we can get stuff done productively instead of just like 30 minutes at a time, that we usually try to take advantage of them. That may have helped her upsetness...

I'm personally pretty secure in my relationship, so I would have been fine with that situation...and if I wasn't, well I wouldn't have embarassed either of us by spewing word vomit at my dh in the other girl's face. I would have waited until after she'd left, then I would have had a chat with him about how he should have told me etc... but whatever, I digress. Next time, I think I will try to have my kids babysat, and have my dh come with me.

Cece00 replied:
I agree.

Honestly, my DH and I would never hang out with ppl of the opposite sex with out one another around. We're totally secure in our relationship, we just consider it a matter of respect. I wouldnt hang out with a male and DH wouldnt want that, and he wouldnt hang out with a female and I wouldnt want that.

Now, I would never, EVER be abusive to my spouse, but I can tell you even if I was just dating someone, I would be really uncomfortable with it, and I could never do it b/c I would feel it was disrespectful to my SO. I was just raised this way, I guess. Luckily for me, so was DH.

If they arent seeing eye to eye, he may want to rethink his relationship & find someone who IS ok with it. Its fine that the girl isnt OK with it, but she needs to be with someone who will respect that and your friend needs a gf who is cool with that. And someone who doesnt hit!

grapfruit replied: Honestly, I have two friends that are guys that are Tim's friends too. I DO hang out w/them sometimes w/o him, and he doesn't mind. Of course I couldn't even imagine "being" w/them whether Tim was in the picture or not!

But back to the situation presented, I trust him completely, I would have been a little miffed that he didn't TELL me or at least warn me. But I would never have exploded like that, or thrown it in his face in front of her. Somethings need to be discussed in PRIVATE...

Kirstenmumof3 replied: While I understand your concern for your friend. But I think jumping to conclusions and calling someone you've only meet twice Bi-Polar is a bit extreme. What you've described is someone who is very depressed (this was my main symptom). Anger is also a symptom of depression. Also your friend is choosing to live with her and buy a house with her. These are his problems and as long as he stays with her you are going to have to accept it, as hard as it is. I hope this doesn't sound too harsh. I know how difficult it is to watch someone live like that.