play dates

boyohboyohboy wrote: I had posted earlier about caleb starting to have play dates, well i have opted to have them at my house for now, and so far the moms have been really receptive to that idea....
but here is the kicker, none of the moms so far have even said they want to come over, check out the house, check us out, most of them dont even know our last name..the one mom kept calling caleb by the wrong name. i am not sure she knew which friend she was taking her kid too.
they are just dropping them off, or i am taking them from the school..
is that the norm?

i would think in todays age people would want to know exactly what kind of environment they were putting their kids into.

the one mom told me it was fine for caleb to come to her house, but she works from home and the kids wouldnt be supervised! so of course i said they could come to my home. but she said she couldnt bring him, because she works, so could i pick him up...i mean she doesnt know me from adam..

mom2my2cuties replied: I think a lot of people are pretty trusting when it comes to other parents. I know I tend to be.

holley79 replied: I'm not quiet that trusting. I would have to know who, where, what and when. I wouldn't allow another parent to pick up my daughter from school for a play date. To me a playdate is when the parents and children get together at one time. Sounds more like you are baby sitting.

boyohboyohboy replied:
i agree totally

DansMom replied: I recently went through this---Daniel has a playdate at a boy's house on Friday and is even going on the bus with him. I really liked his school friend's mom when I've talked to her at drop-off---I like what she does for a living and she is a reassuring sort of person, with three boys, and knowledgeable about food allergies too. So after establishing what she needed to know about his allergies, I didn't ask her any questions. Early this week she took me aside and said "I'm happy to answer any questions you have about my home, and you're welcome to come visit and look around in advance". And I was amazed at myself, that I had neglected this research because she's so nice!

Stacy, I'm guessing that you just seem very trustworthy, like this other mom. I normally would have been more careful (and will be from now on, since I could tell she was subtly suggesting that I ought to ask more questions).

Hillbilly Housewife replied: No way no how I'd let my kids go to someone's house if I haven't spoken in length to the other kids' parents. They can come here, and I always make sure to make it clear that the parents are more than welcome to stay for coffee\tea and snacks.

Some do, some don't. But I always make sure to tell the kids the house rules while their parents are here, and when I speak with the parents, it's clear that some rules that are broken deserve a time-out...and usually most parents are great with that.

We had this one boy over though, lives in the area... he's not coming back. No way in heck. I'm sorry...it's just not acceptable for a SEVEN YEAR OLD to stand on my dining room table and refuse to get down. I had to call the mom to talk to her son, (as well as coming to pick him up), or I would remove him off my table by force myself.

boyohboyohboy replied:
oh my gosh, i sure hope that doesnt happen! i am hoping for well behaved little boys

boyohboyohboy replied:
thanks tracy, i did offer for the mom to come and stay, and she declined due to work, thats when she said caleb could come there but wouldnt be supervised. i guess i am thankful she was upfront about that.
I am happy to be the host mom frankly, i am a little paranoid when it comes to my kids, and would love to get to know the kids caleb talks about so fondly.
it would be nice to make some new friends myself, with the moms..but i guess i am just happy the kids are coming here, its what i wanted anyway..
for caleb to have play dates and for me to aware of what was going on..best of both worlds..

lovemy2 replied: I have always accompanied Olivia to the first two or three playdates at a new friends house - if the parent of the house they are going to thinks its wierd fine - Olivia won't come and I also always encourage the parent of the children who come to my house to stay the first one or two times - I usually extend the invitation to the parent and the child so if one can't make it we reschedule - and I do coffee and a treat for us Moms while the kids play - it is also a great way for ME to make new friends too.....

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
This was along the lines of what I was thinking. Yeah, I'm shocked at how relaxed some parents are about their kids going into others' homes, I am certainly not that relaxed, but maybe these moms have btdt with other siblings and feel they can already trust you. Why don't you do exactly what is said above, ask them to ask YOU questions and just keep inviting them over.

coasterqueen replied:
I agree. Offer that to them.

I am not that trusting either and DH is even more not trusting than me. We have a new neighbor across the road and he's been over to our house numerous times before we even met his mother. I finally invited her over and she got to see the house, etc. They've asked for Kylie to come over there, but I won't let her until I've seen the inside of their house and all the people that are living in it. There are several people going in and out of that house and I want to know who is there when my daughter may be. I'm a bit nervous to approach that situation, though, so I told DH he had to do it.

Kylie did go over to a little girls house across the road from our sitter for a play date. We had not met the parents or seen their house, but our sitter had and knows them very well so we trusted our sitter and said it was fine. I've since met the parents, but have not seen the inside of their home. Terri has so I am trusting her on that and will allow future play dates.

I am shocked about the little neighbor kid across the road. I was shocked that the parent was so trusting of us. They had no clue if we were running some sort of meth lab or what, kwim? Just because we seem trusting from the outside appearance should not make them feel comfortable enough, kwim? The boy comes over all the time and half the time we aren't even for sure his mother knows where he is at.

I tend to think the worst in situations like this, like my child could get molested by someone in the person's house, etc. kwim? So I will be 100% over protective when it comes to this. I would never forgive myself if something like that happened to my girls or anything else.

My2Beauties replied: I am extremely extremely overprotective about whose house my children go to. They have only stayed with family with the exception of one time, Hanna stayed with a girlfriend of mine and her daughter one night. I've known this girl for 3 years, been to her house, she's been to mine, she is a Girl Scout Troop Leader with her daughter, is involved in her son's boy scouts, she is a VERY VERY good mom and is very protective of her kids. She keeps them on a good schedule, they have a good diet, etc...so I felt comfortable. The only other people that have kept my kids are MIL and my mom and my dad, I don't even let MIL do it that often One other time Brian's cousin and his wife kept Aubrey, Hanna was in Alabama with my dad because they had been begging me forever. They have 2 girls of their own and they are very good with kids, I've been to their house a thousand times. They loved keeping her. That's been it. I'm very selective as to who my kids go to. So I'd definitely ask a lot more questions than these parents did.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: BTW, there is a really good article in the latest issue of Parents magazine about asking about guns in people's homes. It gives advice on how to ask in the most polite way. They suggest that you do it and if a parent gets offended, then you don't want your kids there anyhow. I don't think they post their articles online because they want you to buy the mag, but if anyone gets a hold of it, read it. I found it really informative. We don't have guns in our home, so the thought never really crossed my mind. But after reading the posts about this topic on here about a month ago and how many of you have expressed that you own a gun, I've thought now that it's time to ask the people my kids play with. We do playgroup EVERY week, I go with, but it still is a concern of mine. Just an fyi.