sex offender - next door

boyohboyohboy wrote: ok, so a while ago someone posted a link to a site that allowed you to check to see if there were sex offenders in your neighborhood, well I did, and it said there was a man two houses down from us, in this town house development.....it showed his pic and what he did...
so today I am getting the kids out of the van, and there he is warming up his car...I tried not to stair but I wanted to see if he was watching the kids..he wasnt..now I am so paranoid.
We are saving for a house to move, but its going to be at least a yr. its so unsettling to know he is there...and there are tons of kids in this little culdesac we live in, I wonder how many of them know....and should I tell them, woudl you?

Calimama replied: I thought sex offenders had to have a sign in their front yard? Maybe that's just for some areas. My husband said he would tell but I'm not sure if I would. I guess I'm kind of torn. Sorry I'm not much help.

MyBabeMaddie replied: If i was friends with them I would definitely make sure to include it in a conversation but I wouldn't go out of my way to inform the entire street, JMO

luvmykids replied:
I think I'd take that type of approach, or tell your friends about the website and let them check it out themselves.

There are a few listed around here too and I try to keep the balance between being careful and responsible without it overrunning me with fear

The really scary thing to me though is that such a large percentage don't reregister or have absconded....I think the ones you find on the site are actually only a handful of many

BAC'sMom replied: Here is another site that shows where the offender lives and works.
http://www.familywatchdog.us/
Monica is right it's the ones that arn't registered that scare me. In my area you have to have a sign in front of your house and a sign on the car you drive and or ride in.

Ya'll do know that if you have juvenile registered offender in your community that they are being educated at the same schools as our children don't you? The schools have to educate them and normally they are left in the same classroom with all the other children. I am not saying the school should educate them I just wish that they would have to be isolated from the other children; or heck atleast let the parents know. JMO

sparkys2boys replied: wow, that is scarey. I agee on mentioning it to the people that you know also.

Twelve Volt Man replied: I would tell everyone in the neighborhood. In fact, I would wait until the middle of the night, then yell it through a bullhorn. I would then post a neon sign on my property that warns folks that there's a sex offender nearby. OK, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, but the information is public record, so there's no harm in making parents in the area aware of it. The children are priority number one.

redplaydoh replied:
That's what I would do.

boyohboyohboy replied: I think this is going to be a major factor in where we decide to buy a house...this is just so scarey to me, after the amount of kids you see stolen from their own homes, and these people that cant control their urges.....it just really bothers me.

PrairieMom replied: I think the entire neighbor hood should know. Maybe you could print out something that would warn everyone, and slip it into their mail boxes? that way you could be anonymous, but everyone would be able to protect their children.

DansMom replied: The juvenile offender issue is troubling to me. In the majority of such cases, these are victims repeating what is being/has been done to them by an adult. Chances are great that if the problem has been identified, the child is receiving some sort of intervention and counseling. If your child was being molested by a trusted adult and started acting out with another child, would you then, during his or her healing process and therapy to overcome what happened, want your child stigmatized and isolated?

DansMom replied: Sorry, about the OP question: I would definitely discuss it with friends in the neighborhood, but otherwise I'd not pursue it further. The main focus for me would continue to be to teach my child about stranger danger. I haven't done this yet, and I need to. It's difficult---I don't want to create a state of fear, yet I want him to have tools to deal with the real threats that are out there.

Kentuckychick replied: I think that before anyone jumps the gun it's important to remember that the sexual offender registration makes NO distinction among "sexual offenders"

In other words, a 19 year old who got in trouble for having consensual sex with a 16 year old (statutory rape, say the parents found out and charged him) is not put on a different list or given a different distinction from someone who violently raped a woman. You can find out the offense by looking on the site, it usually tells the degree of the rape, whether it was an offense with a child (that's the big red flag), and how long they are required to stay on the registry (the shorter time, the lesser the offense).

Now please don't get me wrong at all, I am not in ANY way condoning the acts of these predators, but in many situations you will find that your children aren't really who you need to worry about.


That all said, if the man IS listed as an offender who did anything with a child then if I lived in the neighborhood, I would want to know.

zdk753 replied: If what the guy did involved a child or rape than yes I would want to know. I remember when Zach was little, there was a really sweet lady that was always buying him toys & wanting to hold him. One day I decided to look up the sex offenders & her picture popped up. She had been charged w/ forcible sex on a child under 11. Some of my neighbors knew, but didn't want to sound nosy so they didn't tell me. I remember being so infuriated that I had put my child at risk & no one said anything. That being said though I agree w/ Rachel. Not every sex offender is on there for rape or child molestation. We have people listed on our sex offender list for indecent exposure when all it was is they had to go to the bathroom & got caught. Also here a case involving a 19 yr old w/ a 16 yr old girlfriend is not called statutory rape. It is called lewd molestation. In other words before getting too excited make sure you know w/o a doubt what this person did before you say anything to anybody. I personally know someone who is on the sex offender list for having a 16 yr old girlfriend (she got mad when he broke off the relationship & lied about her age) & I know first hand how hurtful it is when somebody doesn't do their research & starts rumors about it.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
This is what I immediately thought of as well. I would still be cautious, because you never know. However, in the example above, those people are put on the same list and it usually doesn't say "exactly" what their situation was. For example, when my cousin was 15 she had "consentual relations" with a man in his 20's. She got pregnant. He was charged, went to jail, and now is a registered sex offender for life. Does he deserve it? Sure, he should have known better and did something stupid. However, he's not a threat to children. He made one stupid mistake and now he's paying for it for life. They even later got married, which makes it more odd. They didn't last, but even my uncle (her father) has said he regrets pressing those charges because of the label that's now attached to him.

I'm not sure if there is a way to tell exactly why that person is a reg. sex offender, but I'd love to know if there is a site that tells more information than just the basics.

Just keep your kids close to you Stacy, and by all means, I would not keep it a secret at all. I would tell as many people as possible so there are that many more eyes on the guy. Just make sure you tell only facts, that way rumors aren't being spread.

Cece00 replied:
EXACTLY.

What did the sight say that he did?

For example- we have one down the street from us. He seems like a nice guy, I didnt know he was a sex offender the whole time, either. One day I looked and I was SHOCKED. Then, I read what it was for- he was convicted of having sex with an underaged PROSTITUTE. Basically, he had sex when he was over the age of 18 with a girl who was selling her body for sex before SHE was 18. So not only was it illegal for HER to be a prostitute, but she was under 17 at that.

It was wrong and illegal of him to go to a prostitute but it was wrong for this girl to be one, too, and frankly, his offense is soooooo much better (and understandable- he may not even have known this girl was under 17 and got slapped with that when all he really did wrong was use a prostitute) than say, molesting a 4 yr old or raping a 10 yr old or something.

While I will always watch my kids around my yard (because your kids could get kidnapped, not JUST because of this sex offender), I do not feel threatned by him. I'm not gonna let him babysit my kids or something, but I also will not call the cops on the guy if he waves at me when I'm with my kids. Like I said, he is an OK guy, and all the neighbors know and have never had any problems with him and this was the ONLY offense he ever commited, it wasnt as serious as what people usually consider "sex offenses" and he has never been in trouble since then esp in a sex offender type way. His offense happened almost 10 yrs ago.

punkeemunkee'smom replied:

I guess we are on wayyyy different pages on that one because I would say that makes him a sex offender in my book....

As to the OP I would TELLLLLLL!!!!! If he offended with a child I would tell every mom I know in that neighborhood! If he did it once statistically speaking he will do it again Shout it from the roof tops if you have to, because then he will have to crawl back under the rock he came from. I am all for the fact that some people pay their debt to society and are back in the population for a second chance BUT IMO there is no repayment of the debts a sex offender (especially a child predator) They deserve to pay for the rest of their miserable lives!

Kentuckychick replied:
In Cece00's defense, I don't think she was saying that the man wasn't a sex offender, I think she was just making the same point that I was making early, that there are many different levels of sexual offenses and until you know what the man did it may not be fair to go shouting it off the rooftops.

No, it's not okay for a man to pay a prostitute to have sex with him, but sadly many do. The difference between him and some other "John Doe" who did the same thing is he probably didn't know the girl was underage. Does this put him on the same page as someone who purposely molestes a child... not in my book.

Personally I don't think anyone who commits a sex offense against a child should ever be allowed out of prison, then we wouldn't have this problem. My brother had to do a study on this in one of his college courses and over and over again, with every criminal surveyed/questioned (not by him, but in other surveys) child molestors did NOT want to be let out of prison. Why? Because they KNEW that they would end up doing something again. It's hard to know what to say to that, for heaven's sake I don't understand why even THEY admit this and our government turns a blind eye. Lock them up somewhere, throw away the key and let it go.

But no, I don't think you can even begin to put those two situations on the same page.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: I think that as hard as it is for us as normal people,moms with husbands and male family members we would trust our children's lives to- The fact may be in the case of the man that CeCe was talking about that he knowingly paid to have sex with an underage girl...how much over 18 was he?How much under 17 was she??? Sadly I believe that the common misconception that many poor 18 year old boys in love with 15-16 year old girls is are being locked up as child molestors is what has kept us from leveling the punishment that needs to be let against the MANY MANY adult men (and women ) that are daily preying upon the children of this nation....I fully agree that you can't always tell the 14 year olds from the 18 year olds anymore but I am sorry that I don't believe that the statistics would support the assertion these 'Romeo and Juliet' consentual affairs are that big of a number at all....

Cece00 replied: Rachel- Thank you, you hit the nail on the head.

From what I have heard (obviously I did not go ask the man personally...) he did NOT know the girl was underaged. He is a bit...slow as well. He lives with his mom, and she sort of 'takes care of him' and he does chores around the house. I'd guess he was maybe in his 40's, and this was 10 yrs ago.

I'm not saying he ISNT a sex offender and what he did WAS wrong...but my point is, this mentally slow man having sex with a prostitute that (again, from what I understand) he did not know was underaged (I mean honestly, I still get carded and people tell me how young I look all the time, it could be an honest mistake) IS NOT the same as this guy kidnapping a 5 yr old and raping him/her. I'll still NEVER let him around my kids, but I also do not see him as some immediate threat. Honestly, we very rarely see him at all.

And I agree they need to be harsh on sex offenders, esp those who take advantage of children.