should i go or not? - advice from fellow parents

fscat wrote: Next month I have the chance to go on a real special trip to Spain with my mother and grandmother, to the region this part of our family originates from. Since we will be staying with relatives there, I do not have any real hotel or food costs, and I have frequent flier miles, so the airfare is not an issue either - however, my wife does not want to go because she feels it is too difficult to go with our 5 and 2 yr olds - so she has said it is ok for me to go - myself.
Which in lies the problem, I feel guilty as a husband/father to go on essentially a vacation w/o my family for 10 days to another continent, plus my wife is a big worrier, and I know I'll being putting a lot of stress on her if I do go. Plus leaving the kids at home w/ my wife while I am away. Just to clarify, I work and she stays home with the kids, so there's no added pressure there in terms picking up/dropping off at daycare, etc.
We've talked endlessly about going somewhere as a family, but neither of us can come to a consensus on anything in terms of that. She wants somewhere relatively close that we can drive to (she perceives that as easier), I wouldn't mind flying somewhere within the 48 states (she's not interested in flying with the kids). Which led to the concession of allowing me to go to Spain with my mother and grandmother. She knows I LOVE to travel and we haven't been anywhere in 3 1/2 years.
This isn't some major family drama or anything like that, but everyone I know whom I ask basically says its no big deal, only 10 days, its a one-time, once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing (my grandmother believes this is her last trip) - except the other fathers whom I work with, who says if they were me they WOULD NOT go.
I just wanted to bounce this off some other parents who aren't friends/family and don't have that inherent bias.
Thanks.

A&A'smommy replied: omg I think she is crazy I would go and take my kids in a heartbeat if it was finacially that simple for us.
Beach is fun for families and small children, the mountains, St louis, MO is cool, there are SOOO many great places you could go, you just have to be open minded and remember that you don't have to do anything extravagent.

my2monkeyboys replied: That's a hard one... do you think your wife would absolutely positively want you to go? Or do you think she may be telling you to go so she doesn't hold you back?
Once you can answer that question you will have your answer. If you have any thought that your wife might not truly be ok with it, then I wouldn't go. If you do stay home, hopefully you can make travel plans that include all of you. Maybe you could try talking to her more about why she doesn't want to go with you, maybe do some 'research' on how to make the flight more comfortable for the kids, that kind of thing.

fscat replied:
Thanks for the response. She wants me to go cause she knows how much I love to travel - but like I said before, she worries - A LOT. As she would tell it, if somehow someway she could keep me home 24/7, and never go out or anything w/o her, she would, she's just always worried something bad will happen (she's seen alot of death in her life, which reinforced her inherent anxieties). Obviously, that isn't realistic, which she knows, and I'm not like her in that regard, I'm much more free-spirited.
So, if she's not "ok" with it, its only because she thinks I'll die in a plane crash or a terrorist attack or something, basically something improbable, not because she thinks I shouldn't be going places without them.
She isn't interested in going with me because it is extremely inexpensive for me to go myself (under $500), but w/ the kids and her, it'll be much more than that and we have flown with our older one before on our previous trip to Eastern Europe over 3 years ago - and it didn't go well . The plane ride terrified our daughter (2 yr and 4 mo at the time) and she was extremely moody, tired, and jet lagged. We were still able to get some joy out of the trip, but there were times when it was more work than fun. So I think that spooked her of taking anymore trips, as she says when it comes up, going to Europe with the kids isn't vacation, its worse than work.
Which led to this. If I had it my way, we'd all go, I would rather us all be together on a memorable trip like this, but for the time being while they are still young, any "exotic" trips are still a long way off.

fscat replied:
That's one facet of our talks about going somewhere, even basic trips like St. Louis or Wisconsin Dells, stuff like that, still cost more than people think (in the context of this thread, it actually would cost more for us to stay in the Dells for a few days than it would be for me to go to Spain for a 10 days). And basically we are settling, its nowhere any of us really want to go, we're just doing it to go somewhere and to be together, which is great, don't get me wrong. Plus, we've been to those places already.
Generally the "vacation talk" goes like this:

Me: why dont we go to "beach destination with some nice places to visit as well, aka puerto rico for instance

Her: im not getting on a plane with the kids plus we have to pack and lug around all this stuff, how about wisconsin dells?

Me: the dells is more expensive than you think, were going to spend a decent amount of money to go to a water park on steriods for a few days? i dont really want to go there, but ill do it for us to be together, do u want to go there?

Her: not really LOL, but its something {she researches on prices for the dells} you have got to be kidding me, itll cost us more to go there than for u to go to spain..... why dont u just go to spain, its easier than all this....

Me: i cant leave u guys behind, i feel too guilty, im not going

end scene LOL

which leads me to these boards, just to sound this off of some other people to see what they think.

A&A'smommy replied: ha well I feel for you then... but don't go to spain without her she would be miserable and you probably would be too (that's if you guys are anything like us and really don't like to be apart).
What else is close? What is something that you both enjoy?

fscat replied:
We are in the midwest, so anything within this region I guess you could designate as "close".
We've always enjoyed picturesque, walkable cities where we can throw the kids in a stroller and just start walking and talking stopping at different shops etc. Lisbon and San Francisco have been some of our most enjoyable trips.

A&A'smommy replied:
can you go back to a place that you guys know you like? for example we go to the beach and this year we went to chattanooga and are planning on going back next year. Do one expensive thing then find something free in the area splash pads, zoo (the one in St. Louis is free) something you wouldn't normally think of. And then take a day or two to walk around and just enjoy the area you don't have to spend money to have fun lol.

fscat replied:
Those are ideas and thank you for that.
Who knows what we will end up doing, she still brings up Spain and tells me to just go, even though she's saying it for my benefit.
We've kicked around the idea of staying in the Dells for a few days than driving to Madison, Wisconsin or Lake Geneva and spending a day or two there, than driving back home. It's an idea as well.
Again, thank you for taking the time to answer, sometimes its nice to hear an objective opinion.

My3LilMonkeys replied: If my husband was given such an option and money and child care weren't an issue, I'd tell him to go and not to feel guilty one bit. It's a fantastic opportunity for you to spend some time with your mom and grandmother and do something you enjoy, and there's nothing wrong with a parent spending time away from their children on vacation.

It all depends on your family dynamic though - if she's going to spend the whole 10 days mad or upset that you're not there, it may not be worth it and then you'd be better off staying home and doing something together.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: If having the kids along is the only trouble, would she be willing to get someone to watch the kids and just go with you herself? As a mom of a 5 year old and a 3 year old I would jump at the chance for my husband and I to go away somewhere without the kids. Not that I wouldn't love to go on a family vacation with the kids too. But if it were me I would rather go to Spain without the kids, and then go somewhere else with them - a shorter trip to somewhere they would appreciate more.

fscat replied:
I guess that dynamic is the whole issue. A part of her wants me to go cause she knows how much I love this stuff, and its a rare trip with my mother and grandmother to see my roots (a part of them at least), but the other part of her doesn't want me to go cause she's worried something will happen to me. She's told me that she doesn't want to hold me back, and she doesn't want her fear to be the reason "I miss out".
Its nothing no one can answer but us, but it helps to hear some objective opinions on this. Thank you.

fscat replied:
That would be GREAT, but only one who would watch them for that long is going to Spain too ! But we do go away for the night on our anniversary and birthday, so thats something at least.