tantrums
gabriella wrote: Is there anybody out there that could advise mother of 19-month old boy who likes to throw objects around the room and at his mom. He finds it hilarious when I give him a disapproving face and say "no". I'm tired of looking through books only to find vague suggestions and need useful strategies.
Thanks for your help.
Gabriella
C&K*s Mommie replied: First  to the PC boards! Glad that you decided to come here to ask a question, I hope you find good advice and decide to come back more often.
Secondly, if you are being consistent (a term that is used alot with discipline for small children) then I would recco time out. We have other forms of discipline for that we use with our two girls, but it depends on your parenting style as to what would work for you. So I am trying to stay safe here.
If you are consistent with the stern  and do not make light of it by laughing at any point yourself, then I would continue with the time out. Take the toys away. I personally, would throw them away. Or put them up so as he thinks you are throwing it away, but put it in the back of a closet. I would be swift with taking the toys out, then time out for 2mins, then talk to him (as best as possible) to help him to understand that hitting or throwing toys is unacceptable.
We incorporate a different style of parenting than just timeouts, but I am not sure what your parenting style is so I wanted to walk the line with some reccos.
gabriella replied: This is the first time I've written on a forum and I was so excited to see someone had responded. I'm writing this from Spain so it could be that I have to wait several hours before I get a reply. Thank you so much for your advice and don't worry about my parenting style, obviously we'll all do things that best work for our own. Constructive advice is so needed here and I'm going to try your strategy.
Does time out really work with a 19 month old toddler and talking to him that it's unacceptable?? Can't wait till he throws his next 'paddy' to try it out.
I'd like to think of myself as firm but fair. I'm not in favour of hitting, shaming or shouting at kids but there have been times I've raised my voice and have slapped Sam's hand. As soon as I've done it I've felt awful, while he's continued to play! I so want to do it right and for this reason I turned to this parenting forum.
The stern 'No' has been difficult especially when the little darling curls his lip. I tell my husband not to laugh, while I have to hide my smile behind my hand. Sam reads my eyes and starts to laugh. It's difficult being consistent but I know it's so necessary. I'm a secondary school teacher and know how to keep it together in a classroom but it's so different with your own and 'littlens'.
I could stay on all night and jabber but I have to get the tea ready.......sh** in five minutes.
Bye for now and thanks again,
Gaby x
luvmykids replied: I agree with Nicole, consistency is the key and it may take some experimenting to figure out what makes him take notice. If a firm no doesn't work, "up the anty" so to speak, until you find something he doesn't like. It may be a time out chair (for a very short time at his age), it may be being placed in his crib, etc.
Good luck, they can be great at testing and pushing the limits at that age!
gabriella replied: My husband has just commented that I'll never be able to get off the computer anymore and he won't be able to get on his soccer forum! 
Thanks luvmykids. We're going to try a time out chair rather than his cot or playpen as we don't want him to associate the latter with punishment. He still loves sitting in there with his books and toys and takes a nap in there too which is brilliant at times when I need to do something or be in another room.
As soon as I've worked out how to add photos I'll send some of my boys (husband and son  ) You and yours are gorgeous and you've three...and you look so young. I'm 36 by the way and Sam is my first.
Big apology for naughty word in case I've offended anybody. I did think after sending mail that it probably wasn't appropriate for an American forum.  Sorry! I'm really very polite when not flustered  It's the English in me!
Will keep you posted on tantrums,
Gaby x
C&K*s Mommie replied: My youngest (almost 29mos)will do the same thing. She is good at reading eyes, then she will crack a smile in her eyes, and I have been known to have to step away from her sight to regain composure. Usually it was over something minor though.
I just have to muster up whatever mad feelings I can, and put on a mad face. That alone works most of the time, without any other discipline. If I feel like I am going to crack because it is something minimal, but she still needs to be talked to, then that is when I have to muster up that face even more.
Both of our girls (one is 3, going on 30) are completely different. The oldest learned quickly and "talking" to her worked. Our youngest, still does not seem as receptive & I doubt she fully understands but she gets my drift. When I am serious, I am serious. 
So the talking may not work 100% at this stage, but IMO it is better to get them accustomed to this form of discipline now rather then trying to introduce it later he may not be as receptive. But that is my opinion. As Monica (luvmykids) said, you just have to experiment with what you find to be the best option.
If you crack a smile in your eyes, all bets are off. He will not understand that you are being serious and he might have since learned that the "stern" does not really mean anything. I would say stick to the stern no's, if you feel like you are going to laugh- pull it together and stay in the moment. When your hubby sees that you are trying to discipline him, he may need to pull it together, or leave the room too. My DH used to laugh over the small things too, which in turn would cause me to lose it, and the discipline was not as effective. After talking to him, we understand that when the other is trying to teach the girls right from wrong, we have to allow them too without interference in the form of laughing ot smiling. After the timeouts or whatnot is over with, then you can hold him and laugh and go on as normal. 
Best wishes!
C&K*s Mommie replied:  Monica is gorgeous, isn't she? 
luvmykids replied:
Ah, how true it is LOL ... If you progress to being a true Parenting Club addict he'll see how prophetic that was  We should create a forum just for the husbands who have lost their wives but then again, they'd never get online to use those either 
gabriella replied: Nicole, I've got to come clean and ask what does the acronym SAHM mean? Sorry, don't mean to be dopy here but terrible at these things.
I've just seen your photo and now I do feel old. Talk about a beautiful family and don't you think it's true a picture says a thousand words. You all look lovely and it's brilliant that you can actually visualize who it is you're writing to. I thought your girls were twins at first until I read your last email.
I'm so loved-up with Sam and adore spending my days with him but still there are days when he can really push my buttons....Oooooh boy  So I will remember to follow your advice and
Husband has just commented that he'd better buy a few more books 
signing off for now and look forward to hearing from all momsunited
Gaby x
1lilpeanut2love replied: SAHM means Stay At Home Mom!!
Hi and welcome otherwise! 
gabriella replied: Thanks mom2KayleeBRYNN,
So something else I have in common with Spencer. I too am a SAHM and my second name is Nicole.
Bye for now x 
C&K*s Mommie replied:
Your husband sounds hilarious, btw. 
gabriella replied: I'm really off to bed now......hubby is breathing over my shoulder and desperate to get online.
For weeks now I've been taking the Mick out of him for emailing to his football 'boyfriends' (just to wind him up ) A forum just for football (soccer) lovers. He tells me tonight that he's started a thread on the soccer forum that the reason there are only three girls on there is because the rest of us are emailing on the parenting club. So, moms if there is a sudden influx of men asking for advice.......don't trust them they'll be taking the Mickey or on the look-out for
LOVE!!???Hmmmm
Husband is hilarious but far too sharp for his own good  
gABY X
gabriella replied: I know I'm really starting something here.......but who is Spencer?
I live in Europe so forgive me I know this is going to be a story that will keep me up all night so I'll read your reply/ies tomorrow.
Since having Sam my hormones have never been the same and I cry during t.v adds and Walt Disney (how daft is that!  )
really must sleep...it's 1.30am here 
gabriella replied: Just in case is wasn't obvious I thought Spencer was nix4noles nickname or something You'll have to bear with this novice 
I love Sundays but Sam woke up to a new mummy today so it started a little differently than usual. First sign of misbehaviour was delt with with a couple of minutes back in his cot He wasn't happy and cried. I didn't say anything when I took him out just held him tight until he stopped sobbing. Tough for both of us but I know I need to get on top of this now rather than later.
So I'm serious about my list and waiting for advice. Needed before lunch so I can put it in to practice So you have a couple of hours from now 9:08 he..he..he
Best wishes to all
Gaby x
MyBabeMaddie replied: I'm not much help for you but I still throw tantrums sometimes when i dont get what I want... Nothing explains what you want more than throwing yourself on the floor screaming and throwing any object in sight... I hope you can break the habit now!
gabriella replied: This is awful you lot are all still in bed and I probably wont hear anything until another 7 or more hours.... SWEET DREAMS
gABY X
gabriella replied: Hello Sarah,
You're kidding right and how old are you?? I still have tantrums too although they're more the silent moody type that never get anywhere. My hubby is far too strong headed to fall for it
Do your tantrums get you what you want? Maybe, next time I'm out grocery shopping I'll throw myself on the floor when Sam starts a paddy. Just to see his reaction while I'm lying in the aisle
gabriella replied: Just thought for those of you emailing in the middle of the night (probably feeding your little angels), I'll be around if I can help. It maybe we've just gotten up or having breakfast but if I'm free and can offer any useful tips...ask away.
OMG those long breastfeeding nights. Sam was hungry every two to three hours It was tough but the feeling of overwhelming love out weighed the tiredness...most of the times.  The best advice I ever listened to was to sleep whenever I could. When baby slept I tried to but during the times I didn't that's when I couldn't cope very well and was too exhausted I may have gone through some post-partum depression for a while but got myself back on track with the help of some great advice from other moms.
Take care all new moms and make sure to ask for as much help as you need and REST...REST......REST.......when you get the chance.
p.s something else, never listen to critism unless it's constructive and feels right
Gaby x
|
