what would you do? - best friend issue

luvbug00 wrote: My best friend Davi has been seeing and living with her BF dan for about 3.5 years almost 4 years. Now for the past year her family and her have been kinda pushing the marraige thing. He has said NO for the past 9 months or so and recently finally decided he is ready. He calls me and we start looking for a ring. he goes to NY to get the money ( as he's from there and his major accounts are there) and then gets one. well i talked to her yesterday and she told me how ticked she ws she couldn't go to NY with him and then she was telling me ( durring a "nadia lecture", she is a phycologist in training hence she constantly shrinks me ) she was like "how are you so sure about Lars?" "I'm not even sure about Dan" ARE YOU KIDDING ME? the poor man just bust his life savings on her. he loves her and puts up with her treating him like poo she says that! well now i'm just plain mad Because he is a GREAT guy. All she wants is the stuiped ring and the show of the wedding. I had to hang up because i was soo mad. Now i'm really pondering telling him not to do it. Not why he shouldn't just for him to wait longer until she grows up.. what would you do?

Kaitlin'smom replied: wow tough call, are you close with this guy? maybe if he has not asked her already and given her the ring, you could talk to him and ask how he knows its right, and if she really wants him or the ring kinda thing. Play it off kinda thing to get a reaction out of him. Myabe you could suggest he get a cheep ring and she how she reacts to that........are you worried your frind is in it for other reasons than it should be? I dunno its a tough one, I guess also think how you feel if someone came and told you that before eithering popping the question or being asked.

indywndy_04 replied: I wouldn't be in the middle if I was you...noooo way! This happens in a typical relationship...she sounds like she just wants him to propose already and is getting frustrated by him not. Yes, you know why he went to NY, but she doesnt understand why she couldnt go...girls start thinking wild things of why they werent invited. I wouldnt tell him and open up a can of worms that arent meant to be open just because his gf is frustrated. I would keep my mouth shut and let things play like they are suppose to. You would hate to get in the middle and then it backfire on you.

JMO - I would stay out of it, they will work it out.

lisar replied: Nadia if you and your bf are like me and my bf (bf-Best friend) then I would put her in her place. I tell my bf all the time when she isnt being right. And she will put me in my place just as quick. Just my opinion though. I guess it just depends on the kind of relationship yall have

A&A'smommy replied: I agree don't get in the middle of it.... bad Idea it could ruin your friendship!!!

Danalana replied: That's a tricky situation. If she is your best friend, though, you can probably be honest with her. I would tell her that she is being a jerk, and ask her if she really loves him. That's just my opinion. But I know it's tricky, and I haven't been in that situation, so it's hard to say.

DansMom replied: I would let them work it out between them and stay out of it as much as possible. If they've been together that long, surely they know each other well enough that anything you say will not be news and they will make whatever mistakes they make no matter what you say. If you get in the middle, then you will become the meddler and one or both of them will blame you if things go wrong.

grapfruit replied: I agree w/Lisa. Put her in her place (if you have that relationship). If she's thinking that way, it sounds as if it wouldn't be marital bliss anyway. I went to NYC by myself and my bf didn't care. He was happy not to go actually!

Either way, good luck. That's a crappy situation to be in.

luvbug00 replied:

I kinda know she is. she and i have been friends for 21 years and we have had compitions about everything. She was VERY jelous when i had mya and when i got engaged (both times) and she is jelous of my relationship with lars. She knows that my relationship is getting serious and she wants to get married before i do. she has even said this. Which is fine by me because i know my timeline for the future and i really don't care anymore who gets what first. She loves Dan but thier relationship has much to be disired. she constantly naggs him about everything, hates his friends , insulted his stepdad, orders him arround and is horridly borring in their intimate life ( as is complained by him) so i don't see why she has any business pressuring him to do this and the poor man is so in love with her he wants her to be happy and is giving into her and her family.

I have no issue stepping in and giving her the what for but i really hope to make it a last resort.

Calimama replied: I would give her my opinon as nicely, but as honest as possible and then stay out of it. Good luck hun.

luvmykids replied: You know the old saying "Don't shoot the messenger"? It's around because it's always the messenger who gets shot. Sounds to me like this guy would do the lovesick thing and propose anyway, and she doesn't sound like the type to take what you have to say too seriously so I'd just stay out of it and let it unfold the way it's probably going to whether you step in or not.

Bouncing3 replied: I agree with what the majority has said and stay out of it. However, letting her know that she is being a little crazy about this all isn't getting in the middle of things, it's just letting her know how you feel.

gr33n3y3z replied: I would tell him the convo that she had with you and tell him what she said
if you loose the friendship with her who cares

grapfruit replied: I know it sounds like you shouldn't get involved, because she seems like the type to hold a grudge or be mad. However she also seems like the type of friend that is hard to have. I call them "exhausting friends" that you have to work to please and be friends with.

I've (as bad as this sounds) been trying to drift away from these types of "friends". Some of them I've been friends w/a long time, but if it's too hard to be their friend for whatever reason I say drift away. Doesn't mean that you can't be their friend in the future if they wake up or grow up in some cases. It just means that right now you can't deal w/them.

I'd have a "private" conversation w/him tell him your feelings and let him know how you see her. Granted if he's in love he'll see what he wants, but chances are he's held off because of that twinging sensation in his gut that's trying to tell him the exact things you're seeing in her.

Then maybe tell her to grow up and stop stringing her along, life/marriage is not a contest and you're not trying to marry first, you're marrying for keeps. If it pisses her off then so what. It sounds like you're more worried about HIM getting hurt, and in the end that's what's going to happen.

KUP

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Stay out of it, JMHO. Also, like you said in your reply, if she is so competitive with you, why be friends with her? Again, JMHO. I would maybe just back off from the relationship all together. Sorry to sound harsh, but I don't like the idea of her being so jealous of you.

luvbug00 replied: I would love to stay out of it and even more so not to have to be her friend. but like i said, if i p__ her off then i loose my friendship with her family which is best friends with mine and her sisters whom are actually normal and i really adore. it's a tough call. Especially because I don't want Dan to get hurt. he is a REALLY good guy. I think i may send him as a referance the list of wedding questions i found and have done with lars ( questions to ask before you get married) then maybe he will see the light and i will not have directly interfeared...?

grapfruit replied:
That's a good plan.

You know, if she's nutty like that, her family probably realizes...meaning, you can drift away, not p her off, and still stay friends w/the rest maybe??

Cece00 replied:
This is almost EXACTLY what I was going to say.

jem0622 replied: I'd tell her that I cared a great deal about her happiness and settling will only lead to trouble in the future.