why me? - i'm too nice sometimes

beckamouse wrote: so today i had a friend of mine come over so i could meet her tiny new baby. she's been a friend of mine for a while, we lost touch (because of something that she did that made me not particularly care for her) but when she got pregnant she and i started talking again.

like i said, today she came over and it was......really awkward. i pretended it wasnt, making small talk and cooing over her son but it was just too weird.



here's why.

she's my husbands ex and because of how badly things ended and what happened with her and him, she hates my husband and blames him entirely for it. but my husband, knowing she came over today, sees it as a sign of her wanting to forget the past and atleast try to be civil towards each other. its not gonna happen and i'd really like it to so that i wont feel so awkward and uncomfortable when she and i talk or hang out.


i'm debating whether or not to stop talking to her because now my husbands getting weirded out b her wanting to come over all the time and i wish i could say something but i'm too nice plus i dont think its my place.

i wish i didnt feel so off about her because she's a friend and she's getting married soon and she invited me. i really would like to go but 1 matts not allowed to be near the place because of how much she dislikes him and 2 her future hsuband would kick his butt.


my head is hurting from too much thinking. i just needed desperately to vent.

gr33n3y3z replied: just go with the flow and if things work out then thats good if not you tried
and go to the wedding by yourself and let hubby watch the kids
I know I would not want to be in that situation at all
Good Luck

kimberley replied: well, if it were me, i probably would let the friendship fade until her and her fiance can be grown up enough to let the past go. i realize bad things happen but we grow up and move on. people change. DH is your family now and if she can't accept that, then how can she be a true friend? i don't envy the position you are in. good luck with whatever you decide.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I think it's unfair of her to think she can be your friend and not your husband's. I understand that things went sour for them, but I believe that "if you like me, you must like my DH too". I have a friend that I know dislikes my DH. Her and I aren't close but we email every so often. I met her for lunch once because we both had babies around the same time, but I would probably chose not to go to her wedding if that was the case. I know how hard it is to be "always the nice girl", but your relationship with your husband is more important than your relationship with his ex.

BTW, my DH's ex just wrote him a letter saying she would like to be friends. It didn't bother me that she wanted to be friends. It bothered me that she expects the two of THEM to be friends, but she totally hates me. So I wrote her back saying how disrespectful it is to ME and to him to think she can be a part of his life and not mine too. She wrote back, "that's not going to happen. You and I could never be friends". Well, then you called it lady...you guys can't be friends either.

I believe it's okay to have friends that are not your SO's friends too, but if it comes down to hatred for your SO, well then I say it's perfectly okay to decline her invitation. I think it is your place to just kindly say "it's probably best I don't go to your wedding. My husband is uncomfortable with it and so am I." She may get mad or hurt, but once she's a wife herself, she'll probably understand that as a couple, you gotta stick together.

mammag replied: I agree with Kimberley, I'd just let it fade out. I'm not sure how I would handle the wedding....well, I'd probably make up a reason I couldn't go (I wouldn't be able to be blunt about it, I'm one of those people who tries to be nice all the time too). It might not be the "right" way to go about it but I know that's what I would do. IMO, there are too many good people out there to be friends with that we need not waste time on people who can't accept the whole family, kwim?

Good luck on however you end up handling it.

beckamouse replied: i think i'm done with that relationship. my husband is more important and i just cant believe how rude she was acting part of the time she was here.

matt bought her a bag full of duck themed baby stuff because he's nice like that.
she goes and says after opening the gift that matt got most of that he doesnt deserve maggie j....


no, sorry. thats my husband she's talking about. i choose him over her any day and todays that day. i hate to do this because i hate losing friends but if i continue with her, i'll lose my mind.
i happen to like my sanity

Alice replied: They have both found other people to love. Isn't it just a little childish of her to keep harping on the past??

And Matt's "not allowed to be near the place"????????? Is that an order of protection or just a royal edict?? It seems to me that she's given herself some pretty powerful authority. ANd her fiance kicking Matt's butt: now that would make a charming picture for her wedding album.

I would let the friendship go. There are plenty of other moms out there without all this emotional baggage. This relationship is just too exhausting.

Boys r us replied: Well, just my personal opinion, but I would never do anything that made my husband uncomfortable..knowingly..ya know..and I think your marriage is far more important than a friendship with someone whom you already have a rocky track record with!!!

amymom replied:
Smart move. Good for you

JAYMESMOM replied: I would let the friendship go as hard as it sounds. You obviously love your husband and if she can't except him as a person and let the past go then she can't except you either since you except him.

I am sorry she is putting you in this situation. It is never an easy one. I give him credit for being the nice guy and buying her a gift. Most men wouldn't do that considering how she feels about him. You have a very caring and considerate husband.

bwalkerletters replied: I would distance myself from her too, because since she is an ex, and one that sounds like is spiteful, then more than likely she is going to try to come between the 2 of you eventually. She'll probably talk bad about him eventually and try to come between you in that sense.

beckamouse replied: have i mentioned yet that i love you guys for being amazing?? huge hugs go to everyone who's given me a reply to this post.


i sent her an e-mail finally telling her basically what all you have told me. that even though what happened was incredibly bad if she cant accept matt as my husband and accept the fact that since the day we were married we became a whoe and he's an important part of me then i unfurtunately was done with her.


granted...i uh...had...a headache from overthinking and i wasnt exactly nice *well who is nice to someone after hearing them lash out with "He doesnt deserve a daughter"* But i did let her know that i had given things some deep thought and my husband is the most important part of my life along with my precious maggie j and i will not remain on speaking terms with someone that has nothing but rude comments about my family.

Alice replied: I'm glad for you.

I bet her reply is on the nasty side, so be prepared.

beckamouse replied:
let it be.

gr33n3y3z replied: